Page 72 of A Little Crush
So I do. And just like I expected, it comes out like word vomit, one confession after another until the dam is broken and tears trickle down my face like the rain did outside thirty minutes ago.
How was that only thirty minutes ago?
When I’m finished, I wipe at my cheeks, drowning in my best friend’s silence as she processes everything. “Okay now it’s your turn,” I tell her. “Say something.”
“Uh, well?” Tatum hesitates. “That’s…a lot.”
With a pathetic laugh, I reach for a tissue on my nightstand, blow my nose, and reply, “Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.”
“I’m debating on buying a plane ticket and giving you a hug because you sound like you need one.”
She’s right. I do. Even knowing it won’t fix anything. Not really.
Twisting the tissue between my fingers, I mutter, “What I really need is a Jaxon translator.”
“Did he ask to come inside after the kiss?”
“I already told you, all he said was that I should go inside because he doesn’t want me to catch a cold,” I repeat.
“And that’s it?”
“Yup.” I puff out my cheeks and lay down on the mattress, my exhaustion getting the best of me. “That’s it.”
“Maybe he didn’t want to pressure you,” she offers. “Maybe he thought that if he came inside, it might lead to something…more. Like himcominginside, if you know what I mean.”
Is that it? The real reason why he left me hot and bothered? I mean, it’s possible. The guy’s as straightlaced as they come. Or at least, I thought that was the case until he climbed into my bed and felt me up. Now, I’m not so sure.
“Maybe,” I murmur, but I’m not entirely convinced. He’s so hot and cold. So hard to read. I know he wouldn’t use me. But I gave him multiple opportunities to drop the whole drunken kiss debacle, and what did he do? He followed me out into the rain and ruined me with a single brush of his lips. So what the hell am I supposed to do now?
“Wait, does he think you cheated on Dodger with him?” she rushes out. “Maybe that’s why?—”
“Nope.” I stare up at the ceiling and crumple the tissue in my hand, letting out a long, dejected sigh. “He already knew Dodger and I were never real, thanks to the wholenever been kissedthing.”
“Oh, right. Hmm.” She pauses. “Well, are you still going to nanny for him, or what?”
“I said I would.” I sigh again.
“Yeah, you sound super convincing,” she notes.
Rolling onto my side, I pull my knees to my chest, imagining what it’ll be like to see him again. Will he pretend like the last few days never happened? WillIpretend like the last few days never happened? I’m not good at pretending. The idea alone is enough to make my stomach eat its own lining. But so is the idea of leaving him high and dry without a nanny. I’m not that kind of person.
“Rore?” Tatum prods.
“I don’t know if I can be around him, let alone share a hotel room with him if I don’t know where we stand.”
“And where would you like to stand?” Tatum pushes. “I know you’ve dreamed about being with Jaxon since you were a little girl, but now that it might be an actual possibility, how do you feel?”
It’s a good question. And if I’m being completely honest, it isn’t something I’ve entertained. Not since I was a kid and would write Mrs. Jaxon Thorne on my notebooks. And that’s if it’s an actual possibility in the first place. We shared a kiss. Okay, two kisses, but still. Technically, it doesn’t have to mean anything, and it mightnotmean anything. Not to Jax. Maybe he really did mean it in a transactional way. Like he was doing me a favor by giving me the kiss he felt he owed me. Maybe he was hoping that if he could make up for stealing my first kiss, I’d let things go and stop pouting andgiving him the silent treatment. Or maybe that’s all bullshit and he finally sees me the way I’ve always seen him? Or at least, the way I alwaysthoughtI saw him.
It’s kind of strange. Ever since the wedding, his perfect persona has started to crack, giving me glimpses of the real, flawed human he really is. But instead of it turning me off or stalling my attraction to the guy, it’s only fed my interest, transforming my stupid childhood crush into something…more. Something deeper and scarier and genuine. Or at least, it could be if I knew he felt the same way. I don’t know, and I’ll never know if he keeps pushing me away like he has been.
“You still there?” Tatum asks.
“I’m here.”
“So? How do you feel? Do you want to explore a relationship with Jax if it’s on the menu?”
I rub at the corner of my tired eyes. “I’m still not convinced that being with Jax is an actual possibility, even after the recent events.”
