Page 83 of A Little Crush
Try being on this side of things, buddy.
I’m annoyed. Maybe I shouldn’t be. Maybe I should cut him some slack after his crappy ex cheated on him, but I refuse to skirt around the subject since he’s the one who chose to bring it up by coming here. “You don’t know what you’re doing about what?”
“About…” He tears his attention from the blue sky above us, meeting my gaze. “This.”
This? Me and him? He wants to talk about me and him? Confusion, curiosity, and want all swirl in my veins as I stare back at him, unsure what to say, let alone how to read the man in front of me.
“Is there a…” I wiggle my fingers between us. “This?” My nose wrinkles, and I drop my hand to my side. “Because no offense, Jaxon, but you haven’t exactly been very upfront about anything.”
“I know,” he rushes out. “And that’s on me. It’s why I’m here.”
“To be up front?” My arms fold. “Yeah, that would be nice.”
“I’m trying,” he admits, “but it’s complicated.”
“Of course it is.”
“I’ve known you forever, Rore,” he argues. “I feel like I just got you back.”
I bite back my scoff because the truth is a hell of a lot more pathetic. Despite my best intentions, he’s always had me. I’m just…not running from him anymore, and whether or not that’s a smart decision is on me.
“What if I screw it up?” he continues. “What if we decide we’re better as friends? And I know you’ve been looking at the resumes online. What happens when the month is up? Do you leave?”
I open my mouth, preparing to ask if he wants me to leave, but he barrels on, proving his thoughts are even more sporadic than his actions lately, which is saying something.
Pacing through the grass, he says, “Fuck, I travel a shit ton, Rore. Your dad’s my boss. Your brother’s one of my best friends. You work for me. Not to mention Crowther and the rest of the team or what my ex would think. I just?—”
“Whoa, there,” I mumble, catching us both off-guard before I snap my mouth closed.
His pacing ceases, and his chest heaves with a sigh as he gives me his full attention again. “What is it?”
“Nothing,” I deflect. “It’s just…whoa.”
“Whoa?”
“I, uh, I get it now.”
He frowns.
Giving in, I explain, “Tatum’s always complaining that I overthink things way too much, and now that I’m talking to you, I finally understand what she’s saying, and…” I grimace. “Whoa.”
“Is that what I’m doing?” he asks. “Overthinking shit?”
He isn’t offended. Isn’t frustrated with me calling him out like this. No, he’s genuinely curious. Like, the idea of me throwing him a bone and hashing this out or clearing this up isn’t a want. It’s a need. For him, at least. The question is, what do I want? What do I need?
“Don’t answer that,” he decides.
Hades screeches to a halt in front of him and drops the ball at his feet. As if he’s grateful for the distraction, Jaxon retrieves it, gently tossing the ball from one hand to the other. Hades swishes his tail back and forth in preparation for a quick dash, though it seems Jax is too distracted to share in my dog’s not-so-subtle show of anticipation. “I just…I can’t stop picturing the look on our family’s faces if they find out I can’t help picturing you naked.”
A snort escapes me before I can stop it, and I press my hand to my lips. “Sorry. Uh, but I’m pretty sure they don’t need to know that kind of information regardless of whatever does or doesn’t happen between us.”
“So I keep it from them?” He cocks his arm back, and the ball arches through the pale blue sky. “We keep this from them?”
What this?I want to scream.
I could let it go. I could leave the proverbial can of worms untouched. Or I could grab the rusty can-opener at the very back of the drawer, dust it off, and wrench this baby wide-open. Isn’t it past time? For me, yeah. For him, though? I peek at Jaxon again and twist my fingers in front of me.
“Here’s the thing,” I say. “I know you recently got out of aserious relationship. I know you probably think that you need the answer to everything if you’re even going to consider pursuing…something with anyone, let alone me. Or at least I think that’s what you’re saying,” I clarify. “And maybe it’s my degree talking here, but I don’t think requiring the answers to every single question before even considering pursuing this is the healthiest way to deal with the situation.”
