Page 285 of My Sweet Dollie, You Have to Love Me
The overwhelming sense of loss fills me instantly.
A gentle smile lifts my lips, but the expression is lost on Ambrose, whose eyes move to our mother.
Giving her what she wants, Ambrose opens his arms to the hug she’s waited close to ten years for. Like ours, her legs weaken as she sobs into his chest. Her head against his heart, where my favorite lullaby plays in a tune of gentle beats.
Feeling my nails press into my palm, I become aware of my sweaty palms balling into fists.
“It’s good to have you home, baby.”
Ambrose’s hold on Mom loosens, and space appears between them, enough for long fingers to move for him to sign.
I missed you, too, Mom.
“Come on. It’s been so long since we had a family night.” With her hand still on his back, Mom guides Ambrose to the dining room, like he doesn’t know every inch of this house.
I take a breath as they pass by me, meeting Dad’s eyes as he kicks off his shoes, leaving them in the reading room where they absolutely do not go.
“What is it, princess?”
A small whisper creeps out. “I’m not sure if inviting Shane tonight was a good idea.”
“Shane comes over every Thursday. There’s no reason that has to change just because your brother is home.”
“There is.”
“There are different kinds of relationships, Doll. You can have a boyfriend and a brother. You’ve done so well the last few years.”
The shaky feeling inside me disagrees.
“We both know that isn’t true.”
“What we both know is you pretended to be unwell so you could go to the institution, too. Mom and I realized this quickly. You’re lucky we did. The institution is for minors. So, you’d be there alone now.”
“I didn’t need an institution. I just needed Ambrose.” It’s not that I see fewer terrifying things that haunt me with him around, but I feel brave enough to face them with him around.
Too much of these last few years have been spent creeping around this house, hiding from shadows that lurk in dark corners.
“And now he’s home. Because of his progress, the doctors were happy to let him return, rather than transfer him to another facility at eighteen. He’s here to stay, but it’s not going to be like before. Distance has done you both good. Prove to me you can handle it, and I’ll let you plan a surprise for his birthday that’s coming up.”
“He doesn’t like surprises, or birthdays, and Shane being here?—”
“Dollancie!” Mom’s voice calls from the dining room. “Get in here, come on!”
“Come on, love. It’ll all be fine.” Dad’s arms wrap around me, and we walk together.
Stepping into the dining room, a set table greets me. Three different pizzas line the center of the table, creating a divide between Ambrose, who sits next to Mom and Dad, and Shane and me, whose places are opposite.
Floral wallpaper makes the small space feel smaller, creating pressure in my chest. Shane remains silent as I take the chair at his side. Sitting down on the padded cushion, I take a sip of water, feeling my throat dry and scratchy.
Everyone grabs at slices of pizza, except Ambrose, whose fine china is loaded up by my mother who fusses around him like he’s a king.
“More?” she asks.
He shakes his head.
“You sure?”
Moving hands catch my eyes, but he isn’t giving her an answer.
