Page 295 of My Sweet Dollie, You Have to Love Me
“And then?”
“And then I fell asleep in his arms, and the second he left, to be sick, which he does when he kisses me, I had the worst nightmare.”
“Oh, there’s been kisses before?”
“Oh, shush. Let me tell you about the dream first.”
“Okay. What happened in the dream?”
“I killed my parents. That night. I killed my parents.” Cold tears fall down my cheeks again. “And Ambrose took the blame.”
Annabelle’s silence speaks volumes.
“But you already knew that story, didn’t you? You knew I did it, and that’s why we drifted away from each other.”
“No, we drifted because Shane didn’t like you having friends over at his house.”
“So, it wasn’t because I’m a murderer?”
“Dollie, it was a dream.”
“But you suspected?”
“Okay. In truth, I did. The blood on the walls, saying ‘You fucking clowns’. When you kept seeing clowns everywhere, it made me wonder.”
“Then why are you still here?”
“Because you’re my friend.”
“I’m a monster.”
“No, you’re not.” She shakes her head to emphasize her point.
“How can you say that?”
“The same way I said it when we agreed that Ambrose had a psychotic break, because regardless of which of you it was, that’s what it was.” Her hands cup mine across the table, our arms in the flour covering the wood. “I can see you loved your mother. I remember how you were always Daddy’s little girl. Dollie, you are not a monster. Without a dissociation, you’d have never ever hurt them.”
“I thought they were clowns. I just saw clowns.”
Footsteps sound in the next room, and I freeze when I see a blurred clown standing in the doorway between the kitchen and dining room.
I fall backward out of my seat, breaking the connection with Annabelle.
“Annabelle,” I stutter out, my eyes not moving from the creep with paint on his face and clothes.
“It’s okay, Dollie. It’s okay. It’s just Nyx. It’s just Nyx.” Annabelle rushes to me, her hands rubbing my shoulders and down my arms.
“I’m sorry,” Nyx apologizes for nothing, stepping into the room. “Your brother said it was okay to come straight in. He asked if I had some time to paint the house. Is that okay?”
“It’s fine,” Annabelle answers for me, moving my cake into a box I had set out already. “We’re gonna pause our cake making and go out for a little while. I think it’ll help Dollie find some peace today. Do you need anything?”
“I’m good.” Nyx’s smile lifts his cheeks, and happiness appears in the form of a blush when Annabelle places a kiss on one of them.
I wish I could feel like him.
Happy.
Even thoughts of Ambrose’s hands on me can’t do it today.
