Page 102 of Playing for Keeps
“It’s okay to think about yourself,” she whispers. “Becoming unglued a little and dropping the pieces is just part of life. You don’t always have to have a smile and joke if you’re not feeling it.”
“I’m just starting to realize that,” I admit. “The thing is, you make everything better, J. You always have. You’ve always been like sunshine on a cloudy day for me.”
She looks up at me and smiles the most beautiful smile, and it’s then I see the love and warmth in her eyes. I know it without her even saying it. It’s true, she loves me. “You’ve always been that for me, too,” she says. “I think I had a crush on you way back when.”
“You did?”
“Couldn’t you tell?”
I laugh under my breath. “Actually, not really. You kept your cards close to your chest. And in some ways, I’ve done that, too. With everything. It was different the minute you came back into my life. I don’t know exactly what it was, but you feel like home.”
“Jay, that’s so sweet.” She wraps her arms around my middle and presses her face to my chest, hugging me tight. I place my arms around her, too, and kiss the top of her hair.
“You’ve made me realize so many things, your family has been pivotal in helping me every step of the way. Even now, your dad has made me see that I’m worthy of love and being someone people care about.”
Her beautiful eyes pop wide as she lifts her head from my chest to look at me. “Of course you’re worthy, Baby. Why would you think you’re not?”
I sigh. The feeling is deep and raw because it’s been so embedded, and I know I need to let down that guard I’ve held up for so damned long. It’s become a fortress around my heart. “Through years of being unwelcome and unwanted by my mom, it really shaped how I thought over the years. It’s been a hard thing to shake, always niggling at the back of my mind why she couldn’t love me and be like a regular mom.”
“I’m so sorry, Jay. There must be a part of her that regrets it, but either way, you are worthy. No matter what anyone did or said to you. You’re the light that shines brighter than any star in the sky.”
I feel on the verge of damned tears again. I hold my breath to see if they can escape me, but there’s no telling how it will go. “It’s taken me a long time to believe anything close to it,” I say, my voice a whisper, in case it cracks.
“No matter what happens with your mom, or with anything, I’ll always be here for you. My family will, too.”
“I love you,” I whisper, the tears I tried to keep at bay, that I thought Billy would be the only witness to, roll down my face. “And maybe you think it’s too soon…”
She squeezes me tighter and reaches up to her tippy toes to plant a kiss on my lips. “It’s not too soon. I love you, too.” Her dainty fingers reach to wipe my tears, which land unceremoniously on my cheeks, and slide down.
“Does that mean I should take you on a date now?” I laugh, not really caring now if they spill or not. For her to see me like this at my most vulnerable is a huge milestone for me.
“Maybe if you take me to Wasabi Whispers again, we can officially call it a date,” she states with a mischievous laugh. “And if you eat tofu and seaweed again, I’ll really know it’s love.”
We both laugh until it hurts, but in a good way. It’s always in a good way with her and I can’t believe my fucking luck.
“It’s a date then, you know I didn’t even mind that dish. And we can work out the rest later.”
Yes, there is that thing about us living in different cities and Jade possibly taking that job at the gym in San Diego while she works on her business. And even though I know commuting would be hard, and it would kill me to be apart if it was for long periods, we have to start somewhere.
“Between my yoga and your playing, I’m sure we can find some common ground.”
I bend to kiss her again, my heart feeling so full and warm that it could literally burst. I may not have it all figured out yet, but I know it will come if I let it. Jade will be here for me no matter what, I know that now.
“You know I’m willing to do anything it takes,” I breathe in her scent and fucking thank the heavens that her family came into my life when they did, and that she’s mine. “I’m playing for keeps with you, Princess.”
She smiles up at me, her eyes twinkling like the stars. “You’re the sweetest, you really are.” I bend to kiss her. “Have you always wanted to use that line?” Her little giggle spreads warmth through me like no other.
I hug her a little tighter, lifting her slightly off the ground as we hold each other like we’re never gonna let go. “That’s strictly reserved for you. Only you, always.”
EPILOGUE A
Jade
Two days before Christmas
“What’s wrong with a reindeer sweater?” I laugh as Jay pulls his over his head and turns from me in the bedroom mirror. His new sweater is gray, white, and red, with huge reindeer dancing around the center and snowflakes all over it. Mine is similar, but without the red, and has smaller reindeers and Christmas trees all over it.
“Aren’t I the birthday boy around here?”
