Page 90 of Ship of Shadows
“Now you know.” Bastian spread out his arms. “I didn’t sail to Apolis expecting to see you. We were supposed to get my ship, fix it, and find the dust—without you. That’s why my crew was so angry with me, so distant from you. I was weak.” His lip snarled. “I just couldn’t resist you. Not even if resisting was what I needed to do to keep you safe.”
“Bastian—” I started, but he cut me off.
“Don’t. Don’t try and justify my actions or make them okay. I’ve put you in danger by telling you the truth, by not being strong enough to push you away one more time.”
“I would’ve kept coming back,” I said.
He looked up at the ceiling, throat thick with tension. “It’s impossible, this thing between you and me. I can’t be king of your court. You can’t abandon your duty. So once again I’m trying to protect you by keeping you away. I’m trying to do my best after I’ve so royally fucked up this entire thing.”
We truly were two sides of the same coin—just like Mia had said. We both had responsibility and we both felt trappedbecause of it, neither of us fully able to commit to the lives we led.
“Don’t you get it? I’m not worth saving.” Bastian pressed his hands to his chest. “I’m a sinking ship, and if I let you aboard, you’ll drown with me.”
“I’m already drowning!” My voice broke, and Bastian’s nostrils flared. “Don’tyouget it? That’s all I’ve been doing since you left me. I don’t need you to protect me, Bastian. I don’t need you to sacrifice for me. I just need you.”
His chest rose and fell as his gaze bored into me, heated with something other than anger for once.
“Ever since you sailed back into my life, I can’t let you go.” I took a step closer, and he didn’t move, body so still he could’ve been a statue. “But I also can’t keep doing this.” I gestured between us. “You can’t keep pulling away. It hurts too damn much.”
Water trickled down his face, his hands balled into fists at his sides.
I took another step forward and recognized that heated desire swirling in his brown eyes. Yet he still didn’t move.
“Bastian?” I asked, uncertainty lacing my voice. “Are you going to say anything?”
“Bloody hell.” He surged forward, gripping my face in his hands, his lips crashing into mine.
I stilled at first, but then his tongue pushed into my mouth, his hands dropping and sliding up inside my tunic, and I could barely form a thought. His fingers danced up my stomach, and I let out a moan, wanting that touch everywhere across my body.
“I’ve missed the feel of you,” Bastian murmured. “Missed getting to explore every inch of you with my hands.” His voice dropped as he rubbed his nose against my neck. “With my mouth.”
“Bastian,” I groaned.
He pushed me against the cave wall, lips locked to mine, tongue sweeping inside my mouth. His hard length pressed into my stomach, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever needed something so badly as I did Bastian Lore.
He pulled at my tunic. “Let’s get this off of you before I rip it right from your body.”
Frankly, I didn’t care how it came off—as long as it did. I laughed and stretched it over my head.
He stepped back like I was a piece of art to admire. His eyes darkened as he drank me in, that gaze searing over me. He placed his hands on either side of my waist, his touch scorching against my skin. “You’re so fucking beautiful. You know that? I’ve lived ninety-five years, seen almost every corner of this world, and not a gods-damned thing compares to you.”
His words lit a fire in me. My body ached for this man in a way it never had before, but I had to make my feelings clear and to know his in return. Before we went any further, I needed to know he wouldn’t push me away again. I inhaled a shaky breath and pushed Bastian to arm’s length. Confusion flashed across his face, his hands dropping from my waist.
“We can’t do this,” I said. “Not if you can’t commit to me. You know that, right? I want you, but whatever comes our way, I need to know that whether it’s a shadow king or a crown or a spirits-damned sea serpent, we’ll face it together. You have to make a choice, Bastian.”
He stared at me for what felt like an eternity before he finally said, “Okay, then.”
My stomach twisted into a knot. This was it, when he’d tell me to let him go, and I’d finally have to.
His gaze softened as he hooked a finger inside my waistband and tugged me to him. “I choose you, Gabrielle Aster.” His fingernail scraped along the skin under my waistband, and an aching need pulsed between my legs. “I will choose you everyday for the rest of my life.” His voice dropped low and his finger trailed down. “Which will hopefully be a long life because there is so very much I want to do to you.”
“Oh?” I asked as he drew that finger down to my clit and stroked it. Spirits below. I arched against him and let out a gasp. “Like what?” I said, breathless.
He chuckled, a low sound that rumbled through me. “I’m a man of action.” He brushed his lips against my jaw. “I think it would be better if I showed you.”
He brought his hand back up and tugged my trousers down. I held his stare, kicking them off, along with my silk panties, now completely bare before him.
A feral look overtook him as his gaze raked over my body.
