I hate how much I still miss her.
I hate how much I still want her.
I hate how much I wanted to believe her claim back then.
I hate how much I tell myself every day that I don’t love her when I know I am lying to myself.
It took everything I had - not to kiss her today at the beach.
I clench my jaw, forcing myself to turn away from the window. Wanting her does not matter. Missing her does not matter. Not when every part of my brain screams to keep my distance.
But my heart? It does not seem to care about logic or self-preservation. It keeps yearning for her, reaching for her despite still being bruised and broken, despite the pain that lingers like an uninvited guest.
It is like I am a prisoner to this feeling. To her.
It is maddening - this war between my head and my heart. It does not make sense. None of it does. And tonight, just like every other night, it feels like neither side is winning.
Chapter seventeen
Hazel
The puck slides across the ice, a flash of silver blurring in the bright arena lights. I am behind the lens of my camera, fingers steady as I snap shot after shot, capturing the intensity of the game. The Avalanche team is in a tight match with the Sharks - only two minutes left on the clock, and the score is tied.
I can practically feel the energy pulse through my fingers as the sound of skates carving through ice echoes in my ears, sharp and fast, and the loud roars of the crowd.
I lean in, catching a wide-angle shot as Steph, the defense, skates to the side, eyes locked on the puck as he glides toward the blue line. He passes it to James, who shoots, but the goalie’s glove shoots up just in time to deflect it out of play. A collective groan rises from the stands, but their captain reels them back in. They skate back into position, determination written on their faces.
One minute left and the score is still tied. Everyone is on the edge of their seats, waiting for someone to break the 3-3 deadlock. I hold my breath, ready to capture the players inmotion, the intensity of the crowd, and the way their faces twist with focus and desire for that final push.
My gaze shifts to Liam, and I can see his breath misting in the cold air, his grip tight on the stick.
As soon as the puck is dropped into the neutral zone and the whistle blows, the action accelerates. The Avalanche team surges forward, Liam leading the charge as his linemates fan out around him. Logan is right beside him, covering his back. The two of them pass the puck back and forth, faking left and right, tricking the other team.
Oh, the satisfaction.
The defense of the Sharks is tight, but Liam sees an opening on the left. He makes a hard cut to the inside, dodging a check and leaving one defender in his wake. The crowd gasps, leaning forward in anticipation, the last seconds ticking down.
With only a few feet of space between Liam and the net and 45 seconds left, the defenseman who had been trailing him steals the puck. The crowd gasps in shock.
The Sharks are racing down the ice, their skates grinding as they try to break through the defense. They push toward the Avalanche’s goalie, hoping to take the lead. For a second, it looks like we might lose control, everyone holding their breath - I’m holding my breath, picture-taking duties abandoned as my hands are clasped tightly in prayer.
But just as the Sharks team member is about to shoot, James makes an incredible play, sweeping in from the right and poking the puck away at the last second.
The crowd erupts in relief and cheer. Liam’s eyes lock onto the puck as it slides across the ice toward him, only a few feet away. He sprints toward it, his powerful legs pumping. The seconds tick by like hours, and I am holding my breath, every muscle tight.
One. Two. Three. And four, he is there. He scoops it up with the blade of his stick, shifting into position.
The opposing goalie is ready, but I can see Liam’s already calculating the angles. He fakes left, making the goalie bite. With a quick flick of his wrist, he sends the puck sliding across the ice, not to the open side, but a perfect pass to his teammate, Alex, who is skating in from the left.
Alex does not hesitate for even a second. He takes the puck in stride, slides it past the goalie’s outstretched glove, and -
Goooooalll!!!
The crowd erupts in a deafening roar, a wild explosion of joy and disbelief. The puck is in the net with 0.02 seconds left on the clock. The Avalanche have won.
The team skates together in a jubilant blur, slapping sticks, hugging, and celebrating the victory. Liam raises his arms to the sky, his face lit with a fierce grin, his eyes scanning the stands as the roar of the crowd reverberates in his ears.
I capture the moment - Liam’s smile, the burst of celebration, the pure joy radiating from every player. The intensity of the game, the teamwork, the drive to win..., it all comes together in this one perfect shot.