Page 48 of Kissing Chaos
“Oaks told me.”
Trace just nods along, unphased by my shortness. Impressive, really, since he’s usually the first one to lose his cool.In recent years, he would have already jumped down my throat about not having the flames built up enough or not being first to do some menial task. As he continues, I do my best to focus on the version of my little brother that is standing in front of me.
I’d love nothing more for this to be real.
“Lately, I’ve been doing some soul searching. Started talking to someone about Dad’s death, and I am realizing that most of my anger is misplaced. I’ve made your life hell since we were teenagers, and I’m sorry. For that. For making you feel unwelcome in our hometown, in our childhood home.
“I know you found a home in Havenwood after I all but forced you away from us. You didn’t deserve any of that.”
I stare in shock, not truly grasping his words. Is he serious? Am I dreaming? Is this for real?
“I’m not…I don’t know what to say.”
“Jace said—”
That yanks me from my stupor. “Wait, when did you talk to Jace?” I am going to murder my best friend.
Trace at least has the decency to look a little embarrassed. “Might possibly call him every now and then to check up on you. Knew you wouldn’t answer my calls or texts but needed to know my big brother was doin’ okay.”
“Since when do you care, Trace? Since when? You’ve spewed nothing but hate at me since we were kids.”My heart is in overdrive, pumping fiercely to match the anger—or is that hurt?—boiling over.
“Since I started getting made fun of for not having a dad.”
Freezing with my hand midway through my hair, I turn back to Trace. “What do you mean?”
“Middle school was brutal. Kids realized I didn’t have a dad around, and it’s all the ammunition they needed. Then high school—not having him there for any of my games, graduation, moving into college.” He trails off before refocusing on me. “I’d associated you with the loss of him since you were there with him. I had this unrealistic expectation that you should have saved him.”
“I was a—”
“A kid. I know. Iknew. But it’s taken me twelve years, a divorce, and actually talking about it out loud to even begin to sift through that grief. It’shard. And you’ve been pulling double grief duty between dad and Maya. So, I’m sorry for being a shit brother.”
I turn away again; I can’t keep looking at him as my eyes threaten to leak.“Why now?”
“Told you.”
“No, why are you laying all this out now? This isn’t your style. It’s one way we have always been the same. We don’t share our feelings.”
“I’m trying to build a life that Dad would’ve been proud of. Means I have a ton of work ahead of me.”
He holds his hand out to me—a clear offering that I’d be stupid not to take, even if I’m worried it may be too good to be true.
20
Noah
I glance at the clock again. Six-oh-two. Jett was supposed to be here at 4:30. I reach over to scratch behind Sadie’s ear as she whines at my obvious discomfort. Something isn’t right. This girl has me wrapped so tightly around her finger, and she still hasn’t even agreed to an actual date.
Instead, the last two months of her being my neighbor have included Voltage hockey games on Sundays, baring my soul to her, sharing a bed fully clothed, and introducing her to my entire family. Sure, she’s gotten distracted and been a half hour late, but she always sets alarms. She hasn’t answered the three messages I’ve sent, and the call I made to her cell went straight to voicemail.
Just as I’m about to give into temptation and submit to Reece’s harsh tongue by calling him, my phone lights up. My excitement is short-lived when I recognize Jace’s work number lighting up the screen.
I sigh, “Yeah?”
“Hey, man. Are you busy?”
“Just waitin’ on Jett to show up for hockey night.”
Chatter on the other end and a muted, “You’re cut off,” comes through the speaker.
