Page 21 of Sins of the Flesh
"We just...I made a mistake, okay?And now things are weird.It's my fault, not..."I stop myself from sayinghis.
"What kind of mistake?"She presses, damn she's nosey.
"It doesn't matter."I take my dish to the sink to rinse it.Then put it in the dishwasher."I need to get back to work."
Mom nods, watching me as I go, she doesn't deserve my avoidance.Normally I would talk to her about everything but this is the one thing I just can’t, so silence is the best option.
I head back to the Church and just as I'm passing the front entrance I immediately slow to a stop at the sight of Caleb, not the careful and polite Father Nichols of the last two months.But the man I have grown so attached to, stripped down to his essence in soaking wet shorts and a tank top molded to his broad chest and muscled legs.
It's not just the state of him that causes me to stop and watch though.Caleb stands in front of his car, garden hose in hand, using the spray attachment like an impromptu microphone, and he's singing.Actually singing, eyes closed, head thrown back, completely lost in whatever song is playing.
I should leave.I should turn back around, before this moment of pure, unguarded joy is shattered by my presence.But I can't move.Can't tear my eyes away from the sight of him like this, so free, so unlike the careful, measured man he's been.From the man I’ve missed and thought I would never see again.
Thirteen
Caleb
Do I Wanna Know - Arctic Monkeys
T
he distance feels like it gets larger everyday.This morning Cole couldn't get away from me fast enough and when I tried to reach out to steady him after I startled him, he backed away from me.I think that hurt more than his avoidance.
I broke him, the vibrant and enthusiastic young man he once was is gone.He even stopped attending Sunday services.It stings so bad and I don't know how to fix it.
Sitting hunched over my cluttered desk papers and coffee cups scattered around me, sighing deeply, leaning back in my chair I press the heels of my palms into my tired eyes.
My mind keeps wandering to thoughts of Cole day in and day out.His carefree laugh and his dimpled smile, I know I’m responsible for him losing that.
This incessant spiraling has me exhausted, I need a break from it.Flitting through ideas in my mind I settle on the perfect solution: I'm going to wash my car.
Keys in hand I sprint towards my house next door stopping to admire the radiant flowers that have bloomed in the planters along the front of the church.
With renewed energy I flit through my room digging up a pair of shorts and a tank top.Snatch my car keys from the bowl next to the front door and press the button to open the garage.Given my proximity to work my car is more of a ‘just in case’ than a need.The dusty car coughs to life and I pull in alongside the church in the vacant parking lot.
Back in the garage I gather the car wash supplies: a bucket, soap, sponge, towels and my fifty foot collapsible hose with a spray attachment.The spigot along the side of the building is perfect for this so I connect the hose.
The sweltering August sun beats down on the pavement, no breeze to speak of but I would take the oppressive heat over the silence any day.
Music hums from my phone as I spray my car, beads of sweat dot my forehead after a moment and I turn the sprayer on myself soaking up the cooling feel of the cold water.
The music blaring from my phone provides the perfect soundtrack to this much-needed distraction from my thoughts about Cole.Clutching the hose in one hand and the spray attachment in the other I sway my hips singing “Do I Wanna Know” by Arctic Monkeys.
In the midst of my carwash concert I see Cole’s truck round the corner and stop in a parking spot."Cole!"I call out to him and wave him over.He jogs over to me, to anyone else he would seem relaxed but I can see the tension radiating from his pale green eyes and his tight set jaw.
"Yes sir?," he responds politely, his use of "sir" grating on my nerves.Trying to hide my cringe I ask,
"When was the last time you washed that old pickup of yours?"I ask, gesturing towards the dusty vehicle.
Cole shrugs, his eyes darting to his truck and then back to me."Dunno.Been busy."
"Well, now's as good a time as any," I reply, forcing cheerfulness into my voice."I've got all the supplies right here.Help me finish mine, and we'll tackle yours next."He hesitates, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
"I should really get back to the plastering in the fellowship hall..."
"Come on," I say, tossing him a sponge that he instinctively catches."It's too hot to be inside anyway.Consider this part of your duties, maintaining the church aesthetic includes not having eyesores in the parking lot."
A flicker of something, amusement, maybe..?Crosses his face before disappearing behind that mask of formality."If you insist.”Cole jogs back to his truck, his muscular arms bent at the elbows and swinging back and forth in an almost hypnotizing rhythm.I shake my head, why am I watching him jog so attentively?
