Page 31 of Blitz
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “Never thought that far ahead.”
“Bullshit,” Rebecca said, not unkindly. “Everyone has dreams. Even if they’re stupid or impossible. I’m planning to go into teaching, but I love theater, and I’d also like to be an actress, and that’s not practical.”
I felt a sudden, fierce tug that it was entirely practical for her to do whatever she wanted if she had a big brother supporting her.
I looked at her, this stranger with my eyes, who somehow seemed to see right through me. “If I’d gone to college? Then, architecture,” I said finally. “I like buildings. The way they’re structured, how they stand up against everything. How they can be beautiful but functional at the same time.”
A slow smile spread across Rebecca’s face. “That’s actually really cool.”
“Yeah, well.” I shrugged again, uncomfortable with the pride I felt at her approval. “Not exactly compatible with an NHL schedule.”
“So what? You’re what, twenty-five? Twenty-six?”
“Twenty-four,” I corrected.
“Even better. You could still go to school. I mean, not now, obviously, but eventually.” She gestured vaguely. “Hockey players retire young, right? And you’re on what, ten million a year? I mean that’s a lot even if CH2 has half.”
“Yeah.”
“Tell him you’re not sending him money anymore.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s…” I lowered my voice, leaning in. “He’s got dirt on everyone. That’s his thing. He collects secrets like trading cards and has a whole deck on me.”
Rebecca studied me, her eyes narrowing slightly. “What kind of secrets?”
I felt my pulse quicken recalling the moment he found me, and the consequences, the school, the conversion therapy… the hell. Not to mention my mom and her reputation in shreds. “The kind that would tank my career.” I swallowed hard, wondering how much to reveal.
“That sucks.”
“Yeah.” I traced a coffee ring on the table. “But I’ve got four, maybe five more years of peak playing time. Then I can figure out what’s next. Be myself.”
“And in the meantime?” she asked.
“In the meantime, I play. I smile for the cameras. Try not to fuck up and do what I’m told.” I paused, staring at my half-empty cup. “Even though it worked, and I got traded out of Atlanta, I try not to think about the fact that I’m miserable most of the time.”
“What worked?”
“Huh?”
“You said it worked, and you got traded from Atlanta. What worked?”
Had I really said that out loud? “It’s nothing.”
“No, it’s not nothing.” She stared at me with one eyebrow raised.
“I needed to get out of Georgia without blowing everything up with my father. So, I made myself a bad guy and they traded me. A win for me, a loss though, because I was hoping to get a lot further than Pennsylvania.”
Rebecca’s expression softened, and for a second, I thought she might reach for my hand, but she didn’t. Instead, she leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms.
“That’s a pretty shitty way to live.”
I laughed, the sound hollow even to my own ears. “Yeah, well. Welcome to the family.”
“No,” she said firmly. “That’shisway. It doesn’t have to be ours.”
