Page 34 of Blitz
“Oh. Hey.” I took a step back. He leaned on the door, barring me from entering. “How did you know I was here?”
“The thud of your rock head on the door.”
Ah. Yeah, that had hurt. “Right. Well, I drove here to talk to you. All the way here, I was filled with righteous cause.”
“Okay.” He didn’t move. Just held his ground, arms folded over his chest in a defensive manner, as if he thought I might act out. Which, given my fucking bullheaded attitude, was to be expected on his side.
I glanced around. “I know I kind of forced this meeting.”
“‘Kind of’?”
Ouch. Totally true but, still, ouch. “Okay, more than kind of, and I am sorry for being such a shitty sort of guy.”
“You drove here from Philly to tell me that you’re a big steaming pile of shit? Dude, you could have saved the gas. I know that already. Is that all you wanted to say?”
“No. I, no…” I took stock of the hallway we stood in, then turned my attention back to Trick, still barring my entry into his space. “Do you want to do this where everyone can hear?”
“I’m not sure that whatever you need to say is possibly personal enough to warrant?—”
“I told my head coach that I’m gay.” I winced at how chipper that sounded and dropped my voice. “Which is really kind of exciting but scary all at once.”
The sour look of consternation fell from his face. Shock replaced irritation. He blinked a time or two, then opened the door wider. I stepped past him, taking in the rental apartment he called home. Nice place. Basic. He’d not personalized the space any, but it had lots of potential. It was right off the Capital Area Greenbelt, so there were trees to be seen through the windows.
I turned to face him after a moment of crushing silence. He was staring at me as if he had never seen a dopey-ass football player before. I wiped my hands on my shorts, smiled stupidly, and blew out a breath.
“Yeah, so that’s what’s happening in my life. Got anything cold to drink?” I asked, which got me an exaggerated gape.
“Tom, seriously, did you play football without a helmet as a kid?”
“Nope, always wore head protection.”
He shook his head in disbelief. “Then your mother dropped you on your head as a baby. No way did you just say what you said out loud in my damned corridor where all my nosy neighbors could hear without having some head issues. No one announces something that major with all that golden retriever energy. It’s just not done. No one is that happy to come the fuck out to their coach.”
I crossed my arms over my sweaty Puma tee. It was hot out, and I hated AC blowing in my face, so I’d had the windows down on the ride here.
“First off,Cole, I said I wanted to talk about it inside, but you were all Gandalf on the bridge of Khazad-dûm.”
His stared at me blankly. “Are you even speaking English?”
“Jesus. Secondly, I think being excited to be able to be myself is something to be happy about. So, if you want to call me a golden retriever guy, then go right ahead. I can think of worse things to be called. Nothing wrong with being loyal and affectionate. Maybe you should throw me a ball?”
“You are unreal.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, probably, but it’s where I’m at right now. I told my coach, and when I go home, I’m stopping in King of Prussia to tell my folks. I wanted you to know because I like you, a lot, and I wanted to say that I’m willing to do big things to make us work.”
His brow furrowed. “Do not tell me that you are coming out for me. Just don’t put that on me, Tom.”
“No, no, not at all.” I saw the fright in his eyes and felt myself drawn to him. I held back but just. Shit, maybe I was a golden guy. I see someone I care about sad and worried, and all I want to do is kiss them and make them smile. This was not a kissing moment, though. “It’s been eating at me for years now, to be honest, but I was scared. Ty has been telling me forever to just be honest with the world. Whoever doesn’t like me being gay can fuck themselves. Ty is good that way. I would love for you to meet him and his girl, and my family.” His eyes flared. “I mean, whenever you’re ready. Or maybe you’ll never be there, and that’s good too.”
He looked like a rabbit surrounded by a pack of beagles. But there was only one dog barring his way to his burrow, and it was a goofy golden defensive end. So, I did what I knew he probably wanted me to do. I moved around the room, slowly, and went to his front door. His gaze followed me around the apartment, wary, but also dark with some other emotion that I couldn’t read.
“So that’s it. I’m going to make my announcement before the first game of the year against Pittsburgh. The Puma organization is scrambling to get me and my speech shined up for the press and fans since it’s a Monday night game. My agent is growing a second ulcer as we speak, he informs me.”
He stared at me openly, his teeth working his bottom lip. I had to clench my fists to stop myself from padding over to rub my thumb over that full lip to free it from his teeth.
“Why are you making it a big thing?” His words hit me as I placed my hand on the knob. I raised an eyebrow. “Why can’t you just be you without fanfare?”
“Trick, I’m not doing this for the fanfare. I’m doing it because I’m tired of living a lie. I should have had the guts to do it backin college, but I held back because I was young and intimidated. I’m sick of being frightened. I want to find a man to date, to love, to spend my life with. I was hoping that man was you, but I’m sensing that you’re not into me like that so?—”
