Page 56 of Paging Dr. Breakup
“Because Hilda texted. Something about a car parked in front of your house last night.”
Deirdre’s face heated, despite the cool air. “Sometimes I hate that this is a small town. That’s none of Hilda’s business.” Her so-called friend and local paramedic was checking up on her. Neighborly, but invasive.
Crunching melting snow with a boot, he put his gloved hands on his hips. “I mean. It wouldn’t be the worst thing, having a car parked outside your house last night.”
Deirdre inhaled the scent of fresh hay and clean cool air. The beginning of April and it was in the low forties. Nearly T-shirt weather for the interior of Alaska. Which meant in a few months trails would be open for summer hiking, and in a matter of days or weeks rivers and lakes would unfreeze.
Breakup Festival was right around the corner. Deirdre shook her head. Seriously, what had she been thinking, pretending to date Calvin, hoping that no one would pay any attention. Believing that fake-dating him would provide her some social armor. A reprieve from the prying.
Heck, her heart was so bruised from Elijah leaving her, she couldn’t manage even a fake relationship.
But Calvin’s lips, his hands, his… everything. Last night had been more magical than anything she’d ever had with Elijah, and the fact that she made a comparison made her sick to her stomach.
“It doesn’t feel right or normal,” she said. “After… Elijah and all.”
A small voice inside reminded her that after the wedding, she and Elijah’s relationship had quickly grown into more of a friendship. Less sex, more companionship. It worked for both of them. If she missed the physical connection with him, his support and kindness more than made up for it.
Now, she had a glimpse of support and kindnessandphysical attraction. Instead of grabbing the opportunity with both hands, she hesitated.
It wasn’t a contest. They were two completely different people. She was a different person now than she was even five years ago when Elijah died. A far different person than she was multiple years ago when she and Elijah had gotten married.
“It might never feel normal, sis. Pretty sure that’s okay.”
Thank God for sunglasses hiding her burning eyes. “It doesn’t matter. Calvin left early this morning.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
He crossed his jacket-clad arms with a shush of insulated material. “Did he leave on his own, or did you send him out the door?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters. You matter. You and Calvin matter, if that’s what you want.”
“He left. End of story.”
“So.” He pulled his sunglasses down his nose and squinted at her. “You freaked out and kicked him out.” He paused and pushed the sunglasses back into place with a smug expression. “I’m probably leaving out a lot of juicy details, but that’s the gist of it, huh?”
A hand on her hip, she said, “Aren’t you late for work?”
“Look”—he extended his hands—“maybe you won’t give yourself permission to find love again, so I’m going to give you permission.” He glanced down at fawning Kenai, pressed next to his leg, then back to Deirdre. “Go on, sis. Have fun. Live a life. You and Calvin can be good together.”
“He left me,” she blurted. “Elijah.” She stammered. “Elijah left me. Dammit, I’m tired of being left. It hurt. I’m scared of being left again.” Even worse. Elijah had asked her to stay, and then he had left.
“Aw, Dee.” He pulled her into a semi-awkward hug that only a younger brother could give. “Listen, you’ll figure this all out. I know you will. If you want any advice, I’m here.”
She stepped back, took off her sunglasses, and swiped at the tears on her cheeks. Popping the eyewear back on, she said with forced levity, “Get to work, Mav!” She swatted at his arm covered by the coat material. “No way am I taking relationship advice from my little brother!”
He laughed as they hurried back toward the house. “You know I’m right!”
No. She didn’t know that.
What Deirdre knew with 100 percent certainty was that her heart couldn’t take any more pain. The harder she loved, the harder it hurt when people went away.
They always went away.
Her parents had left her in that awful crash on the river.
