Page 49 of Hold Me Closer
"Tell me where your head is at, butterfly. Talk to me."
"I don't know!" I whisper. "I guess I feel like a kid again, being forced to choose between graduating early or staying for another year. Back then, the decision was easy. Everything I wanted at that moment was in one place. But…"
"Now it isn't," he says.
"Yeah." Now, the things I want are more complicated. I want him more than I want air. But he wasn't entirely wrong when we were kids. I did need to learn how to stand on my own andput myself first. I had to figure out what I wanted. I've done that now. And one of the things I want is my career. Maybe not as much as I want him, but it's a close second.
It's been my peace, my safety, and my one constant over the last few years. When I was falling apart, it was what put me back together. I don't want to give it up.
But I can't lose him, either. I did that once and barely survived it. If the choice is between the two, there is no choice. It'll always be him. I just don't want to have to choose. I want both. Is that wrong? Is that selfish? My dream was always him and music. Now, both are within my grasp. Is it so wrong to still want both? I don't know.
I just know that this can't be my decision alone. I didn't like it when he made his choice back then without consulting me. I can't make this one for us without him. If we keep making the same mistakes, we'll end up back in the same place, facing the same devastating consequences because as much as it may feel like we're facing the same things, wearen'tkids anymore. This time, we have to face it like adults. That's how we make it through. It's theonlyway we make it through.
"I feel selfish for not wanting to give up anything important," I whisper. "I want to be right here with you. And I want to be there too."
"You aren't giving up anything, butterfly," he says quietly. "You think I'd let you do that? I'll fly out to as many shows as possible. We'll figure out ways to make it work. You won't be on tour forever, and I won't be in the middle of a season forever. It may not be easy, but it'll be worth it. We'll make it work until you're back in my bed full-time, where you belong."
"Really?" I whisper. "You'd fly out for me?"
"Butterfly," he groans. "You weren't listening, were you? There isn't a fucking thing I won't do for you. I know what it's like to live without you now. I'm not going back there. Not ever."
"I don't want to go back there either. I missed you so damn much, Teo. Every single day, I missed you."
"Christ, I wish I was there right now to hold you."
"Thirty-six hours," I whisper.
"Yeah. Thirty-six hours." He mutters a curse. "I hope you're ready for me, baby. When I get home, you aren't leaving the bed for at least as long as I'm gone."
"What about food?"
"Oh, I have something I'll feed you, Nadia."
I moan softly, pressing my legs together.
"In fact, I'll feed it to you over and over again…"
Wicked, wicked man.
"Yes," I moan.
He chuckles through a groan. "Fuck. I can't think about feeding you my cock right now. We have to practice soon. My dick is already hard."
"That's your own fault."
"Nah, baby. It's definitely yours."
I grin, willing to take the blame. Or the credit. Same difference.
"You good now? Feel settled with your decision?" he asks.
"Yeah, I think so." I bite my lip. "That's a lie. I'm excited, Teo! Really freaking excited. We're really going to do this?"
"Yeah, we are, baby. And you should be excited. You've worked your ass off for this, and you deserve every bit of success."
"Thank you," I whisper and then pause, licking my lips. "Um, we talked about something else today."
"Yeah? What was it?"
