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This Is Love - Chapter 15

Tuesday -Penny

There was something in his eyes that I couldn’t quite read. Guilt maybe? It was gone in an instant. Just like my anger was gone the moment he thrust inside of me.

Jesus.The first time we’d had sex, it was almost like he was trying to fuck me out of his system. Hard. Rough. Hot. I waited for the memory to slip away, just like all my other ones had come in a rush and slowly fell back in place where they belonged. But this one didn’t go away. And I had the eeriest sensation that James was trying to get me out of his system again. That he’d pull away from me in a moment and claim this was just a one-time thing. Or a one-last-time thing in this case.

It was hard to focus on what felt off when he felt so amazing inside of me. But no matter how amazing this was, something wasn’t right. “Is something wrong?” I panted. Instead of sounding concerned, my voice came out wanting.

He kissed the side of my neck, ignoring my question. And then lightly bit down on my earlobe.

I tilted my head to the side. I loved when he did that. He bit down harder as one of his hands slid down my stomach. His fingers stopped just above the spot that was desperately craving his attention. Almost like he was trying to distract me from my prying.

“James.” It came out as a moan instead of an inquiry. I reached up to grab the sides of his face so that he’d look at me.

But he yanked my tank top down, trapping my arms against the sides of my torso as he started fucking me harder. I felt my ass digging into the edge of the desk with each thrust. It felt amazing but I wanted him to look me in the eyes. I lowered my shoulder to try and pull my arm out of my tank top.

He pulled harder, spilling my breasts from the cups of my bra and pinning my arms more firmly. I tried to lift my arm again. He wasn’t looking at me. Why wasn’t he looking at me?

My thoughts disappeared as his lips encircled one of my nipples. He tugged with his teeth.Fuck.I felt my hips arch up to meet his thrusts. He grabbed my hips, lifting my ass slightly off the desk and slammed into me even harder. Faster.

God.Loving him had always made me feel free. Free from concern. Free from right and wrong. Free from judgment. But I didn’t feel that way tonight. I felt like I was paying for something. Like he was taking a piece of my soul and I had no idea what he was going to do with it.

Each thrust pulled me closer and closer to the edge. It would have been easy to get lost in the moment if I didn’t know him so well. If I didn’t know that something was truly wrong.

I squirmed beneath him until I was finally able to wiggle my arms out of my tank top and bra. I reached for his face again, but before I could, he grabbed my hands and slammed the backs of them against the desk. They hit something, sending the object to the ground with a loud crash.

The noise made me jolt. A groan escape from James’ mouth.

“James, is the door locked? Someone might walk in.”

He leaned over me, his stubble scratching my cheek. I wasn’t sure why, but the sensation pushed me so close to the edge. Maybe because the feeling of his scruff was usually accompanied by him whispering something dirty and delicious in my ear. Something about how much I loved the thrill of getting caught. Something that would make me spread my legs a little wider for him.

“I love you, Miss Taylor,” he said instead.

Before I could respond, he pressed down on my clit, pushing me over the edge. “James!”

I felt the warmth of him inside of me. A feeling I’d never grow tired of. I tried to catch my breath. I was completely spent. For a moment, nothing else mattered. It didn’t matter that we were technically in some random professor’s office. Or that a piece of our hearts were in the nearby hospital. All that mattered was that we were together. I savored the feeling of how safe I felt in his arms.

And then I felt a wetness on the side of my neck.

“James?” I reached for the sides of his face and pulled up, but he kept his mouth against my skin, leaving a trail of kisses down the front of my chest.Lower.A tingle of desire swept through my stomach even though he had just pleased me. He was distracting me on purpose, but I felt immobile. He said he hadn’t cheated on me. He’d told me about getting me a publishing deal. Everything was already off his chest.Right?I swallowed hard.Right?

He stopped at one of my scars and kissed it lightly. “I love you,” he whispered against my skin.

I felt more wetness. Not the feeling of a kiss at all. It was…was he crying? “James?”

He kissed another of my scars. “I’m so sorry.” His voice cracked.

I sat up, not caring that a random sheet of paper was stuck to my back. Or that I was sitting on someone’s daily planner. Or that I was half naked in a room that someone could easily walk into. Nothing mattered but the man in front of me.

James fell to his knees and kissed the inside of my shin, keeping his eyes downcast.

I tried to stifle the fear gripping my heart. “It’s okay,” I said. “About the publishing deal. I don’t know if I’m going to take it…but I know you did it out of love. I’m sorry that I overreacted.”

He still didn’t look up at me.

I pulled myself off the desk and knelt down beside him. “I’m not mad.” I still would have been if he wasn’t acting like this. But this moment made me realize just how arbitrary being upset really was. I never wanted to cause James to look the way he looked now. I never wanted to cause him pain. I’d forgive him a million times if it meant he’d look at me.