Page 57 of Captive Mate
I let that evaporate from my mind and closed my eyes, trying to breathe deeply, even though my chest felt tight, and also trying to get to the bottom of this odd, unsettled mood of mine. Pine and dirt. Damp. A faint hint of engine oil and gasoline emanating from the stained asphalt a few yards from me. Rabbits. My nose twitched. I was getting hungry, and rabbits weredelicious.
The nearly undetectable scent of Matthew, still ingrained into my skin — or just into my imagination.
I opened my eyes. Nothing but the gray-shadowed branches of trees, fading into the descending twilight.
He’d knotted me. That shouldn’t matter.
But it did, and it wasn’t only a physiological reaction. For the first time in a long time I didn’t just feel alone — I felt lonely.
A breeze carried a damp breath of nighttime chill past me, and I shivered, even though cold didn’t bother me much at all.
And then my phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket and stared at it. A local number, but no one hadmynumber except Colin.
“Yeah?” I said cautiously.
An exhale down the line. “It’s me,” Matthew said. “And before you ask, Dor can apparently hack the phone company with his brain, and no, I don’t know how, and yes, I realize this makes me look like a crazy stalker.”
I let out a shaky laugh. Why did I suddenly feel like I could breathe again?
“Are you a crazy stalker?” I meant it to sound teasing, but my voice faltered.
He paused. I realized I could hear some background noise. Rushing, or rumbling, or something. Was he — yes, he was driving. And I was pretty sure I could guess where he was going.
“I’m going to go with maybe,” he said at last. “I’m not sure if I’m crazy.” Another deep inhale and exhale. “Arik, are you totally, completely sure you took that spell off?”
My heart gave a fluttery lurch. He didn’t sound accusing. He sounded — lost. “We’ve been over this more than once.”
“Yeah, I know. And I don’t doubt your word. Fuck. Forget I said anything. I don’t doubt your skill, either, even though I know that sounded like it. But I don’t feel — where are you right now? Are you at the Kimball pack house?”
“No, I’m near the highway. Maybe — maybe two miles from the turnoff into the Kimball territory. Past it, I mean. From the direction you’re coming from.”
He didn’t even try to deny it. “Can you wait there for me? I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
It felt like I was answering a totally different question. A way more important one. “Yeah,” I said softly. “I’ll wait here.”
I hung up the phone and leaned against a tree trunk, taking a few minutes to sink into its deep, slow-moving consciousness and try to calm my own emotions. When I emerged I could hear tires on asphalt, and I felt a little more grounded.
Matthew pulled over onto the shoulder a few yards away and got out. Once he shut the door and the dome light and headlights faded out, we were bathed in gloom, with the last ghost of the afternoon sun fading away over the treetops. It felt like our own world. An owl hooted quietly from a little distance away.
I waited for Matthew to come to me. He’d driven this far, and the gods only knew what persuasion and begging he’d had to exert to get Dor to find my phone number. He could cross that last little distance, because I didn’t think I could do it alone.
And he did, coming up to me without hesitation, stopping only a foot away. Close enough to touch, if I could bring myself to reach out and do it.
Instead I dug my fingers into the tree trunk behind me.
Matthew looked tired, and serious, and resolved. Like he’d made up his mind about something. His dark blue eyes were unflinching as he gazed into mine.
“I don’t feel any different,” he said into the silence. “I didn’t feel any different after you left the first time. Not as crazy, but I still felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin if I couldn’t see you again.” He swallowed hard. Not quite as calm as he was trying to look, maybe. My heart picked up, jolting my ribs with every beat.
I flashed back to the moment I’d confronted him after leaving Ian’s house.You didn’t. I don’t feel any— You’re lying. And then I’d been so angry that I hadn’t paused to really think about what he’d said.
He didn’t feel any different.
He’d felt like he was in love with me, because I’d put him under a spell.
Then I took the spell off, but he still felt…
“What are you saying, Matthew?” I asked hoarsely. “I can’t — I can’t afford to make any assumptions about this.” My fingers were going to break if I pressed them into the tree any harder.
