Page 58 of Captive Mate
He smiled crookedly. “Youcan’t afford to? I’m the one who’s out on a limb here. And I’m pretty sure you’re going to saw it off, but every minute of the last five days has been fucking endless, wondering if you’re going to stay here with Colin, or disappear again, for good this time. And yeah, I know I’m the one whoshouldbe out on a limb. You were working with the Kimballs when they attacked us, yes. But — all your available choices were bad, remember?” He took a deep breath. “When you had that spell on me, I couldn’t think about anything but you. I craved you. I would’ve done anything to protect you, and to win you. And I’ve felt that way ever since. If I’m being honest…I think I started to feel that way before the spell, too. I’m not quite sure when you put it on me, for one thing. Seems like a change I should’ve noticed.”
I closed my eyes, dizzy and nauseated and hopeful and aroused and — joyful? Was that sick feeling joy and fear mixed together? I couldn’t tell. It felt like swooping down from a height and not knowing if you were going to miss the ground. Did I even believe him?
Yes, I did, because I knew damn well my spell wasn’t affecting him anymore, even if it had taken a little time for his mind to resettle into normality. This was how he really felt. How he’d maybe felt before the spell even took effect…and I could hardly even process the possibility of that, that he’d seen something in me that made him start to love me before I’d even messed with his head. But would it last? I had no way of knowing.
And did I want it to? That was a lot easier: yes. Yes, I did, I wanted it so badly I was paralyzed.
Alphas can’t be trusted. Alphas always lie, always take, never give. Alphas don’t love anyone but themselves.
That had been my mantra for most of my life. And part of me still believed it.
But Matthew had stopped when I told him to, and then left my choices for me to make. Matthew had lain back with his hands behind him and waited for me to show him what I wanted. Matthew had killed Parker, ripping him to shreds because Parker had hurt me and wanted to hurt me again. He’d used his strength to protect me, not to compel me.
Maybe if I expected to be treated like more than a shaman and a commodity, it was time to treat him like more than just an alpha.
When I opened my eyes again, it was in time to see Matthew’s veneer of calm melt away into something like despair.
“You can take more time to give me an answer,” he said. “You can — fuck, I don’t know. You can tell me to fuck off right now, too, obviously.”
“You haven’t asked me a question,” I whispered.
He leaned a fraction closer and sucked in a deep breath. I was lost in his eyes, pleading and sincere — and behind that, a reservoir of avid desire that made my heart pound. “Come home with me. Please?”
“I’m supposed to be putting up the wards.”
A slow smile bloomed on Matthew’s lips, and his eyes grew soft with relief; yeah, he’d recognized that for the weak, barely-there protest it was.
“And it’s quitting time. Come home. I’ll drive you back in the morning and be that asshole who drops his boyfriend off at work and kisses him in front of his clients so they know to keep their hands off.”
Boyfriend. What a strangely innocuous word to describe whatever we were to each other. It was normal, and human, the kind of word no one had ever thought to associate with me.
I mean, ever. Even if you left out the claws and the teeth and the magic, my tattoos and long hair alone made me don’t-take-home-to-mother material.
Of course, Matthew was taking me home to his brother, who decapitated monsters for fun, and his brother-in-law, who’d knocked me out with a magical water bottle.
So maybe I was the right material for them.
And he wastaking me home.
I was smiling helplessly as I asked him, “So are you going to growl and pop your claws at Colin too, or do you think kissing’s going to get the pissing on your territory point across?”
Matthew moved in even closer, filling my whole field of vision and crowding me against the tree, until kissing was practically a necessity. “Are you going to kiss me back?”
I finally unclamped my fingers from the tree trunk and slid my arms up over his shoulders, clasping my hands loosely behind his neck. Evening had really set in. It was noticeably chillier. And I didn’t feel it, because Matthew warmed me all the way down, a glow that had nothing to do with alpha body heat and everything to do with how I knew nothing was going to get to me as long as he stood that close.
“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”
“Then I don’t need to piss on anything. You can tell Colin you’re mine, since you’re the one who gets to make that decision anyway. And I’ll stand there looking incredibly fucking smug.” He paused. “I may flip him off with my claws and stick my tongue out when your back is turned.”
When he finally closed those last few millimeters between us, I was laughing.
I’d never had a laughing kiss before, never felt lightness and arousal and longing all bubbling up in me at once, fizzier than champagne and sweeter than honey.
“Take me home,” I murmured into his kiss, and he wrapped his arms around me and led me back to the car. I’d text Colin later to let him know where I’d gone.
Matthew’s hand was hot and heavy on my hip, sneaking down to grope my ass with some serious intent. Fuck, I was aching for it. It’d been nearly aweek.
I’d text Colinmuchlater.
