Page 28 of First Blood
“This is where you live?” It was my turn to startle. Laurie turned around, his nose wrinkling a little. Confusion, or disgust? Why not both? “Do you…I mean, do you actually live here or do you just sort of come by to get a new leather coat once in a while?”
“That was my spare that got wrecked last night.” I shrugged. “I’ll call the guy who makes them later on. Until then I’ll have to look like…” I had no idea what I looked like without the leather coats. Equally scary but not in a coat was my best guess.
Laurie smiled, his sad little half-smile that made me ache to gather him up and kiss it off his face. “Like a really hot guy in ugly sweatpants? Sorry,” he said, looking away, before I could react to that. “You don’t want to hear — I shouldn’t have said that.” His arms were around his middle again.
So were mine, before I could control myself. He fit so perfectly in my arms. “Stop apologizing,” I muttered into his hair. “You haven’t done anything wrong. Ever, as far as I can tell.”
For a moment Laurie remained as stiff as a board, and then he melted, leaning into my chest and letting me take his whole weight, such as it was. “Why did you bring me here, if you don’t ever want to see me again?”
What I wanted was to sling him into my arms and carry him up to my bedroom and see if I could get him to come three times instead of just two. I wanted to breathe him in every morning and every night. I wantedhim. Simply having him in my arms was enough. It didn’t matter anymore why, or that I’d made up my mind not to want or need anyone. I did. That was that. So there was no way I’d told him I never wanted…
“When did I — what, you mean when I said I’d leave you alone?” He nodded against my chest. “That was for you! You’ve told me to leave you the fuck alone in not so many words a few times now, and I would’ve, except for the whole — kidnapping thing.”
Laurie started to shake, and at first I thought he was crying. Then he lifted his head and peered up at me from the shelter of my arms, and he waslaughing. I’d never seen him really laugh. It figured the first time would be at me instead of with me, but I’d take it.
“Kidnapping thing? That’s what you’re going with to sum up — yesterday? Was it only yesterday? Shit. Victor, you’re an idiot.”
“No argument here. You want to tell me why, specifically?”
Laurie stared. “I don’t understand you. You’re not angry with me. Why aren’t you angry with me?”
Maybe I really was an idiot, because he’d lost me. “Are you —tryingto make me angry?”
“I don’t know? Maybe?” He grabbed handfuls of my hideous borrowed t-shirt and gave me a shake. His fists moved, anyway. I didn’t. “I’ve seen you rip people to pieces with your bare hands and wipe the blood off on your clothes and not even change your facial expression!” His voice rose, and he shook my shirt again. “But it doesn’t matter what I say to you! You just take it. And I’m not afraid of you, because you never hurt me, but I still keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, and sometimes Iamafraid of youbecauseyou never hurt me and I’m waiting for you to start! So what thefuck, Victor?”
If I leaned down a few inches, I could kiss him. Take that pretty mouth and make it mine.
Or I could answer his damn question. I didn’t like that option.
Laurie glared at me, and his hands tightened. His eyes were full of something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Hope, maybe, and that made up my mind for me.
“There…aren’t any shoes, Laurie. Yes, I know it’s a fucking metaphor, thank you. I mean you don’t need to be afraid of me. Ever.”
His eyes narrowed. “That doesn’t make any sense. You said my blood wasn’t that special.”
“No,yousaid your blood wasn’t that special. Don’t try to quote me when you’re wrong.” I looked at him levelly until he broke and glanced down. And now I had to look at his delicate fanned-out eyelashes instead of his beautiful eyes, and I still had him pressed up against my body from chest to knees, and I wasn’t going to be able to keep it together much longer. “I’m a killer. I’m not ashamed of it and I don’t usually care that much. But that doesn’t mean…” I still hadn’t answered his question. We both knew it, even though he’d misquoted me. “There’s you and there’s everyone else,” I finally said. “That’s all there is to it. You can say anything you want to me. You won’t make me angry. There’s no other shoe. I don’t know what else to tell you.”
“You seemed angry when you left the other night,” he said quietly. “You stormed out. I know you heard me calling after you, but you still left.”
I took a deep breath, imagined how hard Esther would laugh if she heard what I was about to say, and opened my mouth anyway. “I wasn’t angry. I was hurt. I wanted you, and I wanted you to see me as more than a customer, which wasn’t a reasonable ask. And if I’d gone back in your apartment I would’ve fucked you hard enough to break your bed.”
Laurie’s fingers fiddled with the fabric of my t-shirt, a nervous little gesture, plucking at it and poking it flat again. He looked up, his eyes so blue and lovely. “Yeah,” he said. “I know. Why do you think I called for you?” He swallowed hard, his throat bobbing. “I wanted you to. And I thought if you did, maybe you’d want to do it again.”
My arms tightened, and Laurie let out a gasp. He was crushed against me now, and he had to be able to feel what I thought about that idea.
“I want to do it again,” I growled, and he shuddered. “And again. And a few more times after that, and then maybe you can sleep for the rest of the night.”
“Yes, please. Now?” He batted his eyelashes at me. And then he smiled, slow and sweet. “Can I get a shower first, though? And maybe a drink, if you have water glasses in this place?”
“You can have anything you fucking want.” I probably said that little too sincerely. Fuck it. I meant every word. But he had to understand what that meant, and I was sure he didn’t. “There’s a trade-off, though. I can’t do this with you if you’re going back to work. Not because I’d do anything to you if you did,” I added quickly. “You can tell me to fuck off and leave you alone, and I will. Probably. But if you want me, then you’re mine. I mean, that’s how it is. And anyone who touches you from now on is going to die.”
“You’ll get tired of me. You’ll change your mind after a while.” He clutched the front of my shirt again, his knuckles gone white. Laurie was pleading with me, I realized. Begging me, without saying it outright, to convince him otherwise.
There was only one thing I could say that would. I’d been trying to ignore it, hoping it’d go away, knowing that if Laurie left me I’d have to deal with it on my own, even if it fucking killed me.
“Do you know how vampires mate?” His eyes went wide, and he shook his head. “I’d take some of your blood. And give you some of mine. And fuck you senseless. I’m not sure if you got any of my blood in your mouth last night, but you kissed my hand after I was shot, and chances are you got at least a drop. We’re not mated, not yet. But we’re bound. I can feel it, like a tug on me. You may not be mine until you say you are, but I’m yours. Whether you fucking want me or not. Sorry.”
And then I waited, feeling like I’d stripped myself bare and laid down in front of a rampaging troll. He had me in the palm of his slender hand.
