Page 37 of The Alpha Experiment
Apparently I didn’t need to say anything; Colin knew me well enough to read my expression like a flashing neon sign.
“Oh, shit,” Colin breathed, his eyes gone as wide as saucers. “Oh, fucking—no way. No way, dude. There is no way we’re—”
“Not actually mating!” It came out an octave too high, and I cleared my throat quickly. “Not—actually mating. No biting, nothing permanent, of course. Can you imagine what your pack council would say?”
My attempt at humor fell flatter than my couch cushions. Colin stared at me, still looking like I’d smacked him across the face.
Okay, so maybe he wouldn’t be laughing about it right this minute.
I drew a deep breath. “Col, I know you’re not attracted to me, I’m not insinuating that you are. But it wouldn’t be that bad, right? I mean, I’m not interested in guys, but this is—it’s us. I trust you. And I’m assuming you trust me? It wouldn’t be mating. We’d just—fuck once or twice. You know, for science.”
I thought his eyes had been big before. They went from saucers to dinner plates, the pupils so blown his eyes had gone black.
“Oh, my God,” he choked out, and jumped up, scrambling off the couch and across the room with none of his usual predator’s grace. He stood with his back to me for a minute, and when he turned around, his face had gone bright tomato-red. “You’re fucking kidding me. You did not just say we’d fuck, forscience—you didn’t—you want tohave sex? Withme?”
My dad had gotten all the adolescent boys in the pack together when I was about eleven, and given us all a smiling talk about boners. That had, until now, been my gold standard for wanting to wither away and die of sex-talk-related embarrassment.
And Colin looked one repetition of the word ‘science’ away from a stroke. Not that I’d expected anything better. What’d I been looking for, anyway? Enthusiasm?
My gut clenched, and I licked my dry lips. Colin stared at me.
“‘Want’ is kind of a strong word,” I ventured. Hopefully he’d feel less awkward about it if he knew for sure I wasn’t using this as some creepy way to hit on him. “But it seems like the next logical step, after the reaction I had today.”
Colin kept staring.
I tried again. “I mean, I want to—to make a breakthrough. I do want—that. But I’m not saying I want to, you know. Want to. You don’t need to worry about that. I just want your help. Please?”
He turned away again, this time keeping his back to me, without a word, for long enough that I started wondering if he was just going to walk out the door and never come back.
I felt sick, and I ran over the conversation again, trying to figure out what I should have said instead. Washelooking for enthusiasm? Surely not, right? He knew I’d only ever dated and slept with women. I’d thought reassuring him that that hadn’t changed would help.
Especially since he’d also only dated women, for sure. That would mean we were on the same page about it being a meaningless, scientific exercise that couldn’t possibly indicate real interest on either of our parts.
Had Colinsleptwith men, though? I realized I’d never asked and he’d never said anything about it one way or the other.
I’d assumed he probably had, casually at least. Because with werewolves, that assumption was a good bet. Werewolves, especially alphas, tended to stick their dicks wherever it seemed like it might feel good. They had less of a firm sexuality and more of a firm commitment to having sex. Even werewolves who identified as totally straight wouldn’t necessarily pass up a good time with someone who didn’t fit their usual type.
Which seemed like it’d be a checkmark in the pros column, as far as asking him to do this went. He’d get off and also get to help me out of a jam, and I’d get my research. Win-win. But maybe he had a real aversion to sex with men, beyond a lack of active interest.
And if that was the case, I was being such a dick.
“Colin?” He made a sound that almost passed for an acknowledgment, and I cleared my throat, hoping it’d help shake the right words loose. “Have you ever had sex with a guy?”
He turned around at last, and it was almost worse than when he’d had his back to me. I didn’t recognize this Colin, with his blank, completely neutral expression, eyes totally unreadable. Gods, this was his public-consumption pack leader face, I realized. The face he showed to people he didn’t know, and he didn’t want to know him.
“Yeah,” he said. “A couple of times. It’s not a big deal to me either way. That’s not the issue, Newt.”
My fingers dug into the edge of the couch, poking holes in the already-thin fabric. That answer was a relief as far as it went, but… “You’re saying the issue is that it’s a big deal to do it with me?”
Something flickered across his face, something raw and nearly violent. It was gone before I could interpret it.
“What about you?” he demanded, dodging my question. “You’ve never slept with a dude.”
For some reason, that sounded like a criticism, and I bristled—even though it was true. “You don’t know everything about me!”
Colin let out a low, humorless laugh. “I know that much. I wasn’t asking, Newt.”
“So I haven’t done it with another guy. Whatever, it’s just sex, right? It’s a natural biological function.”
