Page 38 of The Alpha Experiment
That expression passed over his face again, and his hands flexed at his sides, not quite clenching into fists. “Yeah, just sex,” he spat. “With your best friend. In the fucking woods, while you’re being…hunted. Losing your virginity—”
“Christ, Colin, I’m not a virgin! What the hell?”
“Oh yeah? Because fucking and getting fucked is pretty fucking different, Newt!”
“Really eloquent as always—oh shit, Colin, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”
But it was too late. The look he’d given me as that thoughtless sarcasm left my lips was the look you’d give someone you weredonewith. And he turned, opened the door, and left, slamming it behind him, leaving me still scrambling off the couch to try to catch him.
Too late.
Chapter 12
I’m In
Colin’s phone went to voicemail six times before I gave up, and he didn’t even read my texts.
I stayed up until one in the morning, lightheaded from exhaustion and too much beer on an empty stomach, and sick with worry and guilt and self-recrimination. I’d pushed him too hard, on something he didn’t want to do at all for about ten different reasons.
Losing my best friend over experimental sex would’ve been awful—though I truly hadn’t ever thought it would come to that. Intimacy was intimacy, and we’d laughed off all kinds of weird shit over the past seventeen years.
But losing my best friend over not even having experimental sex? That seemed like…the worst of all possible worlds.
I finally crashed out, unable to bear sitting there and staring at the dark screen of my silent phone.
Something woke me some indeterminate time later, and I flailed up in a panic, tangling myself in my blankets and whacking something solid with my arm.
“It’s me,” Colin said, and I subsided back onto the pillows, blowing out a long breath. “Sorry. I didn’t want to wake you. But I also needed to wake you. Sorry.”
He sat down on the edge of the bed, down near my feet, and rested his elbows on his knees. I’d left the living room lights on for him, hoping and praying he’d come home, and the crack of illumination through my half-open bedroom door lit the room more than enough for me to see the strain on his face: furrowed brows and lines around his frowning mouth.
My mouth felt sandy, and I swallowed, trying to get a little moisture in my throat. “What time is it?”
“About four.”
“Where have you been?” I winced as I said it.Way to sound like a jealous boyfriend, Newton.
But he didn’t seem to notice or care. “Just driving around. Thinking. I’m sorry I didn’t answer my phone. I was—I didn’t want to talk to you until I calmed down. Didn’t want to say anything I’d regret later.”
Relief flooded me, making me close my eyes and lie back against the pillow for a second, simply savoring the knowledge that it didn’t look like I’d driven him away for good.
“I’m the one who’s sorry. Col, forget it. Okay? I’m sorry.” I’d been practicing and rehearsing what I’d say if and when he came home, for those hours I’d waited up for him, and now it all came pouring out of me in a babble, nothing like what I’d planned. “I don’t need to do this. The experiment, any of it. Asking you to do that was so wrong. I didn’t mean what I said, okay? I was pissed that you called me a virgin, which is dumb anyway since there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, even though I’m obviously not—”
“Okay, okay, I get it,” Colin said, laughing a little. “Not a virgin. Got it. And stop apologizing. I overreacted. You say that kind of shit to me all the time, and I toss it right back. It just hit me wrong right then.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m still—”
“Dude, shut up for a second! I said stop apologizing. Apology accepted.”
“Fine.”
He raised his eyebrows at me. “Good. Okay. You listening now?” I nodded again. “It took me off-guard. But if you really want to do this, I’m in. All the way.”
That hit me like a jolt of caffeine mainlined into my arm, and I popped up off the pillows. But stuck in between excitement and grogginess as I was, all that came out was, “That’s what she said!”
“What?” Colin sputtered, breaking into a grin. Damn, but it was good to see that grin. Something in me relaxed at last, even though I could feel my face heating up at how dumb I’d sounded. “No, dude. That’s whathewould say, not—fuck it. You’re such a dork.” He shot me a fond smile. “And that’s why I think we should do it. You really, really care about this research, don’t you? Totally aside from that Greenwald asshole. And not just because you want this for yourself.”
“Totally aside from Dr. Asshole Greenwald and what I want for myself?” He nodded, and I licked my lips. “Yeah. I want a Nobel Prize, Col. I want to—I don’t want to lose what I’ve worked for. I want todiscoversomething. Something new, something fascinating, something that’ll change the way people look at genetics. It sounds…I know I sound arrogant. But I think I could do it. I really hope I can do it.”
