Page 47 of Lost and Bound
“Sure,” came through the door. Arik. That didn’t surprise me. The footsteps hadn’t been heavy enough for Ian, and Nate or Matt would’ve announced themselves, since Matt was thoughtful and Nate couldn’t shut up ever. I hadn’t been able to figure it out by scent. They’d all been in and out of the room too many times for me to pick out who stood at the door.
And anyway, the room reeked of sex and pheromones. That muddied everything. Arik was going to get a treat when I opened the door; he could probably already scent it from the hallway.
I opened the window before I crossed the room to let him in, for all the good it’d do.
Arik’s nose wrinkled as I pulled the door open. “Huh,” was all he said, in a tone that could’ve been disapproval, or just lack of interest. He shrugged and strolled inside, the gesture and his total indifference to any kind of invitation making him look like a skinny, green-eyed mini Calder.
They might not be blood, but Calder had raised Arik, or had a large hand in it; I’d have bet money on it. People unconsciously copied their parents, whether they wanted to or realized it or not. Something tight in my chest loosened up a little—leaving only twenty other causes for anxiety behind. Still. Better.
“Where’s everyone else?” I asked. “Talking about me?”
“Too tired,” he said evenly, not responding at all to my challenging tone. It deflated me like a pricked balloon. “Nate and Ian went to the Shack of Solitude, and Matthew’s taking a shower.”
I choked on a laugh. “They went to what?” That was the perfect, perfect description of Ian’s run-down bachelor cabin—although apparently it wasn’t inhabited by a bachelor anymore. “Who—Ian lets people call it that?”
Arik quirked a wry smile. “He doesn’t have much choice. When his little fucker of a mate names things, the names tend to stick.”
Of course. Of course that was a Nate-ism, and all I could do was shake my head and laugh a little more.
Arik didn’t say anything else, leaving us standing there awkwardly. I’d already shot my wad as far as trying to start a conversation. What the hell was he doing here? Looking for Calder, probably, but the shower kept on running. Calder’s senses were all sharper than mine; he’d probably known Arik stood at the door before I did. And he had to be listening to every word. So that explained why he hadn’t burst out of the bathroom with his claws at the ready, but it didn’t explain why he wasn’t hurrying the fuck up.
Calder didn’t do much by accident, I’d started to realize. So if he’d decided to linger in the shower and leave me and Arik alone, he had a reason.
Maybe he wanted me to broach the subject of breaking the mate bond after all, but he wanted me to do it myself, without his interference?
But I didn’t have it in me. Not yet.
Arik wandered over to the window, looking out at the stars—or maybe getting some fresh air. He didn’t seem to be in any hurry either, frowning at the sky and ignoring me.
Okay, enough. “Do you want something? Because we’re going to bed.”
That was an outright lie. I doubted I’d sleep at all that night, and my circadian rhythms were going to be fucked for days. Not that it’d make much difference. I’d had a fucked-up sleeping pattern for years, now.
Arik drummed his fingers on the windowsill, lifted his hand to look at his fingertips, and brushed them together to get rid of the dust, still frowning. “You know, one of these days we need to organize a better cleaning rota. Fuck, this place would give a dust mite allergies.”
I tried not to laugh, I really did, but a little bark of amusement escaped me. “At least some things haven’t changed around here.”
Arik looked up at me sharply, his green eyes gleaming. “Yeah, and from what I gather, no thanks to you. I mean, things could’ve changed. For the much, much fucking worse. With that son of a bitch Hawthorne behind a lot of it.”
Anger and grief welled up in me, seizing me by the throat. Part of me wanted to crumple defensively, roll into a figurative ball and plead my case. Another part of me wanted to rip his fucking head off. How long had he been a part of this pack, five fucking minutes? I’d been born into it.
But Calder’s voice echoed softly in my mind.You’ve paid for it. Paid more than enough.
I straightened my spine and stared him down. “Things did change for me,” I said. “For the much, much,muchfucking worse. I don’t know the whole story yet, but when I hear it…if I’d been here, I’d have been fighting side by side with my cousins. I wasn’t here because I was locked up in hell, with your brother. Ask him if you think I’m exaggerating. And if all you came here to do was bitch at me, then get the fuck out.”
Arik smiled sourly, tossing his head like an annoyed horse. His blond hair, loose now, flipped around his shoulders like a frigging shampoo commercial. Christ, he probably had Matt wrapped around one of those slim fingers, and here I was antagonizing him. Not to mention he was the one who was supposed to figure out who and what I was…and then I’d be depending on him to break my bond to Calder without doing either of us any permanent damage.
Nice going, Jared.Very fucking clever.
But I couldn’t regret it. Fuck this. I’d screwed up. I’d paid for it. If I needed forgiveness, and arguably I did, then it wasn’t from Arik.
And this was my home, my pack.
For the first time in years, I felt willing to really fight for something: for my home, for my place in the world, for myself.
And it felt good, like I’d started coming alive again. Buried in that prison, I’d been as dead as my lifeless doppelganger.
I wasn’t dead. And that meant I needed to fight to get my life back.
