Page 52 of Lost and Bound
And all new Jared could think was: I’d doubted his love for Ian. I’d been wondering if Nate’s need for security and safety, for an alpha protector, had led him to take advantage of Ian’s devotion.
I’d misjudged Nate, clearly. Disregarded him, used him, and now given him a lot less credit than he deserved. He loved Ian. It rang in every syllable he’d said to me and shone out of his pretty eyes.
“I was awful,” I said, the honesty scraping my throat raw. “Awful to you. Even more awful to Ian, because he expected better from me, and you knew all along I wasn’t the greatest. Awful to Matt. The whole pack, by extension. But I love Ian more than anyone. He’s my best friend. I’m going to try to be his best friend again, too, if he’ll let me. You’re right that I don’t deserve a second chance.”
But no.You were too young. You’ve paid for it.I’d earned it, dammit. At least earned the right not to abase myself anymore, and to simply ask for what I wanted, apologize honestly, and let the chips fall where they may.
“Or at least, I wouldn’t have deserved a second chance if I’d come crawling and asking for one a couple of years ago. But believe me. There’s nothing you could do to me…” I swallowed hard. “I’ve done my penance,” I gritted out. “If it’s not enough, I’ll accept it. But I want to come home.”
That came out so plaintive and pitiful I expected Nate to laugh at me.
He didn’t.
Nate just eyed me speculatively, the belligerence fading from his expression and his body language.
He stood, making a face as he tried to brush the moss off his ass. “This pack is kind of a magnet for hard-luck cases, isn’t it?” he said ruefully, and I had to laugh. “Yeah. I mean, me. Arik. You. It was your pack from the beginning, but still.”
“I’m never going to let any of you down again.” I’d never meant anything more in my life. “If you guys give me the chance to prove it, anyway.”
Nate sighed and strolled across the little clearing to my side. “Like I have any say,” he said. “Ian’s trying to be a hard-ass and not just welcome you back with open arms, but we all know how that’s going to work out. He’ll have you back as his right-hand man in no time.”
“I won’t let him down,” I repeated. “Or you. I’m really sorry, Nate. You have no idea how sorry.”
“Yeah,” he breathed. “My not dearly departed asshole father had a real way of making people fucking sorry for their life choices. Mostly the life choice of having anything to do with him.” He shook his head. “Come on, let’s go back to the house. I’m hungry. And I need more coffee.”
Well, that I could get behind. I fell into step with him, and we wove our way through the underbrush and around the trees in shockingly companionable silence.
Jonathan Hawthorne, bringing people together in hatred of him since whatever dark day he’d been born on. What a guy.
“Do you think you could help me figure out the shifting thing?” I blurted out. “It was maybe partly what they injected in me, but there was magic too. Warlock magic. Your—his magic. You might be better at figuring it out than Arik would be.”
“I’ll do my best,” Nate said dubiously. “No promises. What the fuck were they doing to you, anyway? To any of you. I mean, the way you described it, they were torturing you, and I can’t figure out why. Last year…” Nate stopped and swallowed hard, looking shifty, and then sighed. “Fuck it. If you’re you, and you’re not working for anyone he was involved with, then there’s no reason not to tell you this. Last year we heard a rumor that there was a group of warlocks, mostly, but some other supernaturals, led by my father, and they had some half-baked plan. To, like, take over the world?”
I stopped and stared. Take over the fuckingworld? One tortured werewolf at a time?
Nate stopped too, shaking his head. “Yeah, I know, it sounds insane. Even more insane than usual for that waste-of-oxygen bastard. But what they did to you must have been part of it. I don’t know how, though. Obviously they were studying you, but—what were they trying to learn? What was it for?”
“You have no idea how much time I’ve spent beating my head against that particular brick wall.” Weeks. Months. Years. Until I couldn’t even care anymore. “Concrete wall, actually. If you want to get all literal.”
“Ugh. That’s—fuck, Jared. I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t mean anything. But I am.”
“It means a lot,” I said, trying not to get all choked up. “It means more than you know.” Nate was getting all shifty again, fidgeting and looking anywhere but at me, like he’d reached his limit on sappy emotions for the day—and I was right there with him. “Anyway, whatever they were doing, hopefully it’s over now, right? He’s dead. And Calder killed his associates when we got out of there. Whatever their plan was, it’s got to be over now.”
I hoped. Christ.Take over the world. Hubris, but…fucking terrifying hubris. Hawthorne and company might have been pretty fucking far from doing any such thing, but how much damage could a group of warlocks do on a smaller scale, working toward a goal like that?
Strike that, I knew exactly how much damage, because I’d been part of the wreckage left behind. And so had Nate, for that matter.
“I haven’t heard anything else,” Nate said, sounding a little dubious. “But they’re all dead, like you said,” he went on, a bit too brightly. Like he wanted to convince us both. “Fuck it. We won. Let’s go gloat somewhere with more coffee and less damp, cold, miserable natural beauty.”
It was such a fucking Nate thing to say that it pulled a laugh out of me, and I waved my arm, gesturing at him to lead the way.
I followed, stepping over a fallen branch, and looked around. We’d made it almost to the edge of the forest, where it thinned out and then opened onto the huge garden behind the pack house. That was one thing they’d improved since I’d been gone, anyway. It looked amazing, full of vegetables and herbs and also weird flowers I didn’t know the names of, a mix of practical and magical. I’d goggled at it on our way into the woods, earning matching smug looks from Nate and Arik, who were clearly responsible—and, oddly, a muttered comment from Nate about reanimated plants that had Arik turning all red.
“Well, like I said, I’ll do my best to help with the shifting thing,” Nate said abruptly, pulling me out of my thoughts. “You may be shit out of luck, though. What ifthat’swhat the spleen is for?” He peeked up at me mischievously and pulled a ridiculous face, and I cracked up, Nate leaning in to bump his shoulder against mine and laughing right along with me.
We stepped out of the trees, still laughing.
Ian and Calder stood a few feet away—not laughing. Ian had his arms crossed and a thunderous look on his face, and Calder was as expressionless as I’d ever seen him, but with his shoulders set and his whole posture rigid.
