Page 68 of Once a Gentleman
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kit received two more letters from Andrew: one at the end of January, and the other three weeks later. Both were filled with the same ardent protestations of love, but unlike the first, they were not confined to more gentlemanly and restrained expressions of Andrew’s passion.
…at night, when I think of your lovely legs wrapped around my hips, the heat of you as I take you, the sweet sound of your moans, your soft lips parted, so red and swollen from my kisses…
He blushed, bit his lip, and leaned back into his pillows, one hand sliding down under the coverlet to wrap around his aching cock. Kit had read these particular paragraphs rather more often than the others, and had retired early most nights in order to read them again. It being a dreary, rainy morning, he had remained in bed a little later than his usual wont in order to do so yet one more time. What did it matter, in any case? There were no urgent business matters to attend to, and the household would hardly notice if he lounged in his bed all day long.
And it had been several weeks more since the second letter arrived, covered as the first had been with a brief, dry note addressed to him by name, asking him only to pass the enclosed to the appropriate recipient. Perhaps another would come soon—although with even more of Andrew’s surprisingly eloquent indecencies to occupy his mind and his heart and his right hand, he might end by staying in bed all day after all.
Or perhaps Andrew himself would come home. God, but he prayed it would be soon.
…I would give half my fortune to have my mouth on you, love, between your thighs where you’re as sweet as honey. To hold you down and savor you, while you writhe beneath me and cry out my name…
Kit did cry out Andrew’s name as he arched up and spilled into his own hand, and then fell back, panting and spent. Good God, how had he thought he could simplyleave? Go, and never see Andrew again? From the moment he had yielded to Andrew’s passion, he had been lost—he never would have had the strength to depart, so long as he had the slightest, most desperate hope that he could hold his lover’s attention.
Cleaning off his hand as best he could, he took up the letter again and flipped to the end of it, lying on his side and tipping it a bit into the gray light filtering in through the window.
…I love you for all your many charms, my darling, and I do long to have you in my bed again. But I miss your laughter more, and the way you make sense of things that are incomprehensible to my poor intellect. The look in your eyes when I’ve done something to please you, or the way you cut me to shreds with a few well-chosen words when I haven’t. You are someone I thought forever beyond my reach: one who makes me a better man without, I think, making me a dull one. In any case, you are anything but dull, and I can never imagine being less than delighted with your company. I miss you, my own dearest one…
Kit folded the letter again and closed his eyes. When doubts about the sincerity of Andrew’s love crept in, fueled by worry that it was truly nothing but lust, reading those other passages reassured him.
Andrew did love him, of course he did. And when he returned, they would be happy.
At last he forced himself out of his cozy bed and into the chill of the world outside his blankets, shuddering and shivering as he washed and dressed.
A knock sounded through the house as he stepped into the corridor, and he hurried downstairs, heart pounding as it always did whenever anyone came to the door.
Peter was turning away and shutting the door as Kit stepped into the hall. He held out a stack of the post. “A bit early today, sir,” he said cheerfully. “But then, you’re later than usual. Not to be impertinent,” he added hastily. “Only it’s good you’re getting a bit of rest, sir.”
Kit nodded, hardly hearing him in his eagerness to take the letters. He flipped through them swiftly, seeking Andrew’s hand.
He did not find it. But he froze, as still and silent as a statue, the blood draining from his face, as he peered down at a letter in an unfamiliar hand bearing a mark showing it had arrived on a navy ship.
“I will be in the study,” he forced out through numb lips. “Don’t disturb me.”
Peter agreed, sounding rather baffled, but Kit had already turned away, putting his key into the study lock with hands that shook so much it took him several attempts.
He dropped into a chair in front of the cold fireplace, not even troubling to seat himself at the desk. The letter in his hands had been written by someone other than Andrew, by Captain O’Neill or by Harrison, perhaps. He turned it over and over, terrified to open it despite his wrenching suspense. Once he opened it, he would know the worst.
Perhaps it would not be so bad. Andrew might have…have sprained his wrist, and be unable to use a pen. The letter might be a note letting him know not to worry if he received no more instructions as Andrew’s secretary for a time.
Rain beat against the window, and the howling of the wind around the corner of the house sounded like the outward expression of Kit’s fear.
He opened the letter. There were two, one inside the other as in the other letters he’d received, and his heart gave a leap of relief. The enclosure must have been dictated, for Harrison wouldn’t have written to Andrew’s ‘mistress’ on his own recognizance. That meant Andrew was alive.
Kit read the outer letter first, and his relief drained away as quickly as it had welled up, replaced with horror, fury, and disbelief.
Mr. Hewlett:
Harrison is writing this to my dictation, as I have suffered some small injury to my hand.
I send this with no intention whatsoever of giving offense; your services as my secretary and man of business have been exemplary in every regard. However, upon my return to England, which will still be a matter of some weeks, I believe, I intend to start fresh, which may mean leaving Portsmouth for London, and will also necessitate a change in other arrangements.
Therefore, I would be very much obliged if you would conclude any business you are currently conducting on my behalf, and hand over all responsibility for my affairs to Robinson as soon as it may be convenient, as well as departing the house and taking lodgings elsewhere.
I have sent separate instructions to him regarding this. He has been empowered all this time to manage my funds in my absence, and he will have a bank draft to give you, as payment for any outstanding salary and also as a token of my appreciation for your diligence and care. I have the utmost confidence in you, and this measure is in no way a reflection upon your professional competence.
I wish you all success in the future, and of course Robinson will be able to furnish a reference on my behalf expressing my great confidence in your skills and character at any time.
