Page 22 of A Totally Platonic Thing
Chris took over the trackpad and pulled up a video I was pretty sure we’d watched together before, one with yet another dude who looked like the hero of that shitty movie, only with black hair instead of dirty blond.
We’d already talked more than we almost ever did during this process of choosing porn for the night, and so maybe I didn’t feel like it mattered at this point. Or maybe exhaustion had destroyed my filter.
“Jesus, you definitely have a type,” I mumbled into his hair, the soft strands tickling my lips. Until the next words left my mouth, I didn’t even realize I’d been thinking them. “He looks a lot like Aidan.”
Chris went absolutely still, not even breathing for a second, his hand frozen in the act of pressing play.
His voice shook as he said, “What the hell does that mean?”
Oh,fuck. “Nothing!” My heart kicked up to an unpleasant speed and rhythm. He could probably feel it, dammit. “I just noticed this guy looks a little like Aidan. The build and the hair, or something.”
“You said I have a type, and then said this guy looks like Aidan. Which means you think I pick guys who look like Aidan.” His voice had gone all hard and tight.
Double fuck. “It means your type is tall, dark, and handsome,” I said, my own irritation rising. “What’s wrong with that? Aidan fitting that type doesn’t mean shit except that he’s tall, dark, and handsome.”
Jesus, I’d misspoken, and now I didn’t know how to dig my way out. I knew my occasional sneaking suspicion that Chris had a little bit of a thing for Aidan would never have any bearing on reality. He’d never act on it. And much likelier, he had a thing for tall, dark, and handsome guys, and Aidan happened to be one, like I’d said a second ago. Unfortunately, so many women seemed to agree with Chris on this point. I didn’t blame them, but it bummed me out. It’d be nice for the tall, lanky, blond dudes in the world if Chris and all those girls would expand their horizons a little, anyway.
“There’s nothing wrong with liking guys that hot.” Maybe I could dig myself out after all if I tried a little harder. “I mean, I think Aidan’s probably everyone’s type who’s into guys.” He wouldn’t be mine, but whatever.
“It sounds like Aidan’syourtype all of a sudden,” Chris said nastily, like he’d read my mind backward or something. “Going gay for your workout buddy? Oh my God, that’s, like,socliché.”
I yanked my arm out from behind him and let him fall onto the pillows, his mouth open in a startled circle and his eyes going wide. “What the fuck is your problem, Chris?” I demanded. “First you’re pissed that I’m hanging out with Aidan, and now you’re accusing me of what, him cheating on Sebastian withme? I’m straight! And even if I wasn’t, you really think I’d do something like that?”
Chris’s face contorted with anger, his eyes narrowing. “Well, apparently you think I would! Because you basically accused me of the same thing! Screw this,” he snarled, and rolled off the bed, shoving his laptop onto me roughly to get out from under. “I’m going out. I’m going to go to Aeon and—”
“And go watch Aidan all night? Flirt with him while his boyfriend’s safely out of the way at home?”
“His fiancé,” Chris shouted, fists on his hips, face going a dangerous shade of red. “SomethingIremember even ifyoudon’t. I’m not a fucking homewrecker, Lucas! Even if Eli—even if he—I didn’t know, and that’s notme, okay? I can’t deal with this, I need a drink. Like, five drinks. And to get laid. Or talk to someone who doesn’t think I’m a cheater and a total asshole!”
In the back of my head, I knew I’d been the asshole. That Chris had been completely innocent in the debacle of the cheating dick with the live-in girlfriend, and that he’d been horrified and hated himself for it anyway.
But that wasn’t enough right then, not when I was so incredibly, overwhelmingly pissed.
I pushed the laptop out of the way and jumped up, following him the couple of feet to his bed, where he’d grabbed a pair of jeans and was stepping into them so quickly he was hopping around and stumbling. It would’ve been funny if I hadn’t been about to explode.
Because yeah, maybe he wouldn’t want to help someone else cheat. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t do something else unbelievably stupid.
“You’re going to go get totally wasted, black out, and end up draped over Aidan and groping him while he calls me to come pick you up. Or you’ll pick up a guy you don’t even like and go get fucked somewhere, and limp home at dawn looking like—”
“Looking like what?” Chris screeched, rounding on me, his jeans finally up but not fastened yet, breathing so hard his chest heaved. “Like someone who can fucking get some once in a while? At least I have an option other than sitting at home watching porn with my roommate I’m not even attracted to!”
That hit me like a ton of bricks, and I actually fell back a step. My heart gave a weird, unsteady lurch.
As Chris’s words hung in the air, he seemed to hear them himself for the first time. All the color drained out of his face, and he stared at me with his mouth hanging open, a look in his eyes I couldn’t start to interpret.
Time seemed to slow down, and so did my body: my heartbeat, my lungs, my brain. Chris had told me earlier that he wanted me to yell at him next time.
I’d promised to do that, thinking that I wouldn’t finally, completely lose my temper with him, and go beyond simple raised-voice bitching into actual rage. Because I never had before, right? I loved Chris. I’d been so sure I’d never be that mad at him.
And yet here we were.
And when I got this fucking angry, sometimes I got beyond yelling and did things, said things, that I regretted.
This time it felt like falling off the edge of a cliff, with the ground so far away that I had all the time in the world before I hit and blew into pieces.
“You’re acting like a toddler throwing a fucking tantrum,” I said, my voice completely even. I felt calm. Like the eye of the storm. “You don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself.” Christ, that wasn’t true, that was the opposite of true, but I couldn’t stop myself. “So what if Aidan ends up losing his job because he’s always chasing you around taking care of you, right? So fucking what if Sebastian starts wondering why you’re always hanging around Aidan when he’s at the club, and starts to think you’re trying to take his fiancé. And hey, I can pay our rent once we graduate without getting a real fucking job, right, because I’m not getting enough sleep to function and finish my project and get one? Since we both know you won’t be able to. If you graduate at all.”
Chris seemed to get smaller and paler with every word. Curling in on himself. His eyes went bigger and bigger, and I could see the tears starting to gather, glistening in the corners.
