Page 31 of A Totally Platonic Thing
I’d been trying not to relive it and get turned on and get embarrassed by it, and if I had to watch Lucas being all more-than-friendly with some girl while I seethed with confusion and arousal and shame and affection for my roommate and the longing to be disciplined by the man who looked exactly like my roommate but didn’t act like him at all, I’d lose my ever-loving shit. What the hell would I say?Hi, I’m Chris! Lucas’s desperate, needy, clingy gay roommate. He spanked me the other night and then held me while I fell asleep. I think maybe that left him with some confusing sexual frustration to work out with someone he finds attractive, like you. Do you want his number? Make sure you put a sock on the door.
I turned and fled, escaping around the corner of the building before Lucas could spot me or that girl could notice the creepy guy with two coffees and no one to share them with staring holes in her face.
The lecture my jerk TA’s section was for met at five that afternoon, in less than an hour. I ought to go. I’d promised myself I’d go to every single class, do every page of reading and every paragraph of writing, and make Lucas—well, make myself proud. Graduate on time.
But…screw my class. No one took attendance in that lecture, and the TA totally wouldn’t notice me not there—and screw him, even if he did notice. He couldn’t prove anything anyway.
I flung Lucas’s coffee into the nearest trash can, feeling like an asshole when the lid popped off and it splattered all over the top of the can. Fuck. Now I’d messed up some poor janitor’s life, too. And I could’ve drunk both coffees. I’d wasted even more of my dwindling bank account.
God. I couldn’t do anything right.
I headed for my car, not knowing what the hell else to do, and my phone beeped in my pocket. For a second my heart gave an almighty leap into my throat, it felt like. Had Lucas thought of checking on me? He knew how hard I’d worked this weekend. He had faith in me, right? And if he told me that again, maybe I could go see him, and get him another cup of coffee, since he’d be willing to drink more than one. And I could do my afternoon lecture and it’d be okay.
I fumbled out my phone, and my heart dropped all the way back down again, thumping sickeningly into my gut. Sebastian, not Lucas.
If you want something other than pizza for movie night, speak now or forever hold your piece. Of pizza. Get it? Lol.
I got it. But it didn’t even make me smile, instead bringing the tears just that little, miserable bit closer to the surface. I couldn’t deal with Sebastian tonight, or Aidan. Or Lucas. Any of them. All of them. They’d laugh and joke around, and usually I was the life of that party, if I did say so myself.
But I simply didn’t have it in me tonight. The part of me that wanted to curl into a fetal ball under a blanket and be left alone had won, big-time.
Only I didn’t actually want to do that, because Lucas would find me.
Which left going somewhere other than home.
Well, I wanted a drink anyway after this shitshow of a day.
I pounded my coffee as I speedwalked back to my car, sending Sebastian a text with the other hand as I did.
Sorry, I have to miss movie night. Papers to write. I’m going to the library and turning my phone off so I won’t get distracted. Don’t worry if you can’t reach me. Lucas will come without me.
And then I turned my phone off. Putting it on silent wouldn’t be enough, especially since Lucas and Sebastian’s numbers were both set to bypass my do not disturb settings, and I couldn’t deal with trying to change that.
Turning off my phone, like actually pressing the power button and holding it down, felt momentous. When had I last turned my phone all the wayoff? Like, off, off? I couldn’t remember. Maybe never.
I finished my coffee in the car on the way to a club downtown that wasn’t Aeon, but that usually had cheap cocktails on special and an early crowd. A couple of guys I knew went there sometimes for happy hour. I could use some company who didn’t know me well enough to mention any sore subjects.
I might not be graduating in a month and a half or ever, but what could I do about that right now anyway? Those lectures were seriously a waste of time. And no way would the TA notice me missing in that crowd.
Lucas would be so angry.
I pushed that thought away and got on the freeway and hit the gas, blasting some upbeat music that I didn’t have the heart to sing along to.
Lucas would probably take that girl along to movie night anyway, and he wouldn’t even notice I wasn’t there.
Screw it. And screw him, too.
Lucas
“Do you know where the hell Chris is?” I demanded.
Sebastian blinked at me, blue eyes wide, looking a little taken aback. He’d barely opened the door for me before I fired my question at him, and he was standing there barefoot and relaxed wearing old pajama pants and a t-shirt with some kind of physics joke on it.
Maybe I’d have thought the joke was funny if I hadn’t been steaming mad and worried almost out of my mind.
“He told me he had a paper to write and he was going to the library,” Sebastian said, and stepped back to let me in. I brushed past him, too upset to be polite. “Is everything okay? He said he was turning his phone off so he could focus.”
“Chris never turns his phone off. Literally never.” Damn it, this was bad. Why did Sebastian seem so chill about it? Sebastian worried about everything. And Chris was his best fucking friend, and obviously something had gone wrong. How could Sebastian not realize that? “I called like six times. Texted. No reply. I went home, and he’s not there.”
