Page 48 of A Totally Platonic Thing
But if he wanted me a little bit and he’d been feeling awkward and not knowing how to deal with it, then I could at least show him how good it could be. How good I could make him feel. How muchIwantedhim.
He pressed play on the movie without comment, and I settled back against the pillows and resigned myself to two hours of a not-actually-very-hot purple guy and his overcompensation cannon, and a lot of things blowing up for no reason except that the CGI team had a collective hard-on.
As the movie went on, Lucas both relaxed and got more tense at the same time, something I wouldn’t have thought would be possible. He started to slump down in my direction, doing what he always did when we watched movies together in bed: sort of fitting his body to mine, making his own into a place where mine could snuggle.
But he also got stiffer and stiffer.
It was seriously weird.
I snuggled into him anyway, because missing the warmth and comfort of being pressed up to him had started to be a bone-deep ache, totally aside from my seduction plans.
Lucas held himself rigid and still managed to twist around so that I could tuck my head against the crook of his shoulder.
God, boys were so weird.
The purple man fired his laser cannon from the hip, doing a totally unnecessary pelvic thrust in the process, another ship blew up, and it was so ridiculous that I finally couldn’t keep from laughing.
Lucas chuckled too, some of the tension going out of him at last. He shifted, his arm going behind my back.
I shuddered, snuggling down farther because I couldn’t help it, like a cat getting comfortable. Lucas felt so amazing, all firm and warm, like I could sink all the way into him and never want to come out. And he smelled incredible, with every comforting thing I’d ever experienced somehow distilled into a shot of pheromones that went right to my brain. And my cock. The smell of Lucas’s clean, masculine body definitely gave me a boost in the erection department.
The movie started drawing to a close. I could tell by the increase in the rate of things blowing up, sort of like the grand finale of a fireworks show. I almost expected the national anthem to start playing.
Instead, they played some shitty, whiny soft rock, and Lucas groaned as I started to crack up. I flung my arm over his middle and twisted my neck so I could peer up at him.
“You should tell Sebastian and Aidan it was awesome so you can troll them into watching it too. Make sure you say the end is the best part.”
Lucas grinned down at me, looking truly like himself for the first time in days.
“If you can tell them that even you didn’t think it was that bad for sci-fi with a straight face, I’m in.”
“Deal.” I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Lucas’s face. How did he not have women chasing him around like the girls in that old news footage of the Beatles? When he smiled like that, he had to be the handsomest man in the world. “You want to watch something else? It’s your turn to pick on that too, right?”
His smile vanished. “Not tonight. I’m tired.”
I glanced down at the clock display in the corner of the screen. Nine-ten. I looked back up, raised my eyebrows at him pointedly, and lifted my arm to tap my finger against the time even more pointedly.
“I’m really, really tired,” he said, sounding defensive as hell.
“Okay.” I detached myself a little bit, pushing up and off of him. “I’ll watch by myself tonight. Don’t worry, I’ll wait until you’re asleep to do anything about it.”
His face did something strange, his eyes widening and his jaw clenching.Come on, come on, come on, please…
“I guess I could use a little winddown too,” he said, his voice dropping low. And then, abruptly, “You can pick. Since I chose a shitty movie.”
Oookay. I mean, awesome! But still…did he not want to watch his own porn so he didn’t get too turned on? But if we were watching mine, he’d knowI’dget all turned on. I simply couldn’t try to interpret him at this point.
I had to simply go through with what I’d been hoping to have the opportunity to do in the first place.
He pushed his laptop over so that it sat across his left thigh and my right, and I reached for the trackpad, my hand shaking.
I could hear my mom’s voice in my head as clearly as if she were there.Just tell him how youfeel, Chris. There’s no problem in the world that can’t be solved with open, honest communication.Well, screw you, Mom. Because one, there were tons of problems in the world that couldn’t be solved with open, honest communication, as I’d learned the first time she gave me that advice and I ended up crammed into a locker in the boys’ gym changing room in seventh grade after openly and honestly telling Matt Baker what I thought of his face. And two, that advice only worked for people who weren’t total, abject cowards. If Lucas turned me down for sex, then that was one thing. If I looked him in the eyes and told him I…really cared about him, and would he take a chance on me, andthenhe turned me down? Well, I’d been rejected for my body before, but having Lucas say no to not just my body but tomewould freaking kill me.
So screw the honest, open communication, and using my words, and all that crap. I could communicate fine through strangers having sex on the internet, thank you.
I pulled up a video I’d never, for reasons that were about to become painfully obvious, shown to Lucas. But I’d watched it alone about five hundred times, pretending not to know precisely why it was my favorite.
When I pressed play, Lucas didn’t react much. Why would he? Only one guy was in frame, and he fit the type I almost always had in my porn choices: slim and dark-haired and kind of twinky. The guy stroked his cock and moaned—clear by the way he threw his head back and opened his mouth, although I’d muted the sound on reflex—and spread his legs, exposing his asshole to the camera. He worked himself over for a couple of minutes alone, pinching his nipples and jerking himself, letting his hand wander down from his cock to his balls and lower a few times, teasing his hole with a finger.
