Page 42 of Wooing the Wiccan
Hysteria really wants to take over right now. For some reason, the only thought in my head is that I fucked a king. Not sure why my brain has latched on to “king” instead of “elf,” but hey, sanity is a funny thing.
“That’s… This isn’t a conversation I ever expected to have with a lover.” I blink back tears, not sure what to do next.
In a determined rush of movement, he stands, takes hold of my hands, and draws me to my feet. “I wish with everything in me that things could be different between us. That you could have found out about the community before we met. That I never had to lie to you or put you through the emotions you’ve felt tonight. It was never my intent to make you sad or angry.” He lifts my hands and kisses them, one at a time, while my head spins with his words. “My feelings for you haven’t changed. I want you in my life more than I’ve wanted anything for a very long time—almost more than I wanted salvation for my people, as much as it shames me to admit. You have some thinking to do, and a lot to learn, but when you’re ready, I’ll be waiting for you. Call me anytime, day or night. If you need anything and don’twant to talk to me, call the DEA offices, and Dáithí will help you. I won’t pressure you, won’t expect what you can’t give, but I need you to be safe and well. Please grant me that.”
The relief that fills me could be because he’s basically promising to look after me, or could be because I don’t have to make a decision aboutustonight. Either way, it’s the easiest thing in the world to say, “Yes.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
Raðulfr
The partof me that was so happy earlier today aches fiercely as I get into the car. Eoin doesn’t ask how it went, just starts the engine and pulls the ridiculous vehicle out onto the road. If I ask him to, he’ll stop the car right here and take me home by portal, and that’s what I want—to be home, where I can hide away and lick my wounds. Wounds that are of my own making, because I was so stubborn I refused to consult my security team. At the very least, I should have made sure Dáithí knew Jared is human. What was I trying to prove by keeping so many secrets?
“Did you update the rest of the team?” I ask, breaking into the silence, and from the corner of my eye, I see Eoin’s wince.
“Yes. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I knew you had to.” I brace myself for the next part. “Sam invited Jared to CSG tomorrow, to meet with someone in the integration department—and Noah. He’ll be in the building. The team needs to stay away from him.”
“We wouldn’t hurt him,” Eoin protests, shocked.
“That’s not…” Dammit, I’m not doing anything right tonight. “I never thought you’d hurt him. Jared has had a lot of shocks tonight, including learning about my position in the community. He’s taking time to think about things and become familiarwith this new world. It will be easier for him to do so without reminders of the deceit he’s been subjected to, so to that end, my security team and I will stay out of his way.” I marvel at the way thousands of years of diplomatic experience have kicked in and stripped my words of any emotion. I sound like a press release instead of a man on the edge of breaking down.
Eoin says nothing for a moment, his attention on the road. “He’s asked for time to think about the situation?” His tone is carefully neutral.
“I offered it, and he accepted.”
That gets a scoff. “Youoffered. Self-sabotage is not attractive, Your Majesty.”
Ouch. “What was the alternative? He was clearly overwhelmed, and I wasn’t going to pressure him into making a decision he might regret later—or into rejecting me completely.” Just saying the words out loud is painful. “Better that he has time to think about what he wants, and hopefully remember how understanding and patient I am.” I hesitate, but Eoin knows almost everything about this relationship alreadyandwatched me fuck it all up tonight, so what’s a little more soul-baring? “I told him I’d wait for him.”
The head of my security team lets out a huge sigh. “If Dáithí finds out about that, I’ll never convince him that we should be serious.”
I’m never going to understand their relationship. “We’re going to come back to that in a second,” I say, because I have questions. “First, I’m sorry, but Dáithí’s going to find out. I told Jared that if he needed anything, he could call the DEA and Dáithí would help him. So he has to be briefed.” The resignation in Eoin’s expression changes my mind about asking him to do it. “I’ll talk to him in the morning.”
“I’ll make myself scarce until you do,” he mutters, “so he can’t be mad about me keeping secrets.”
“Is that something he gets mad about? Because your job?—”
“No, he doesn’t get mad about work secrets. All I need to do is say I can’t talk about it, and he’s fine. He understands that my security clearance is higher than his.” He grimaces. “But when he finds out that I know he knows about you and Jared, he’ll be mad that I didn’t talk to him about it.”
I take a second to make sure I actually understand what he said. “Because you both knew about it? But you didn’t know that he knew until tonight.”
“Which is why I have to avoid him until you see him. If I see him first, but don’t tell him what happened tonight, I’ll get the cold shoulder for not talking to him about something we both know.”
The solution to that is simple. “You can tell him about it, if you’d like.” It won’t be a hardship tonotbe the one to tell Dáithí about my current relationship angst. Whoever said talking about pain makes it better was a very different person from me.
“No. Wait… yes. No.” Eoin’s frustrated curse almost coaxes a smile from me. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who’s got no idea how to manage his love life. “Yes. If you’re sure?”
I shrug. “I may as well help you win some points, since I’ve got zero.” Possibly I’ve dropped into negative numbers. “Now tell me what’s going on with you and Dáithí. If you want to,” I add, belatedly realizing that he might not want to talk to his boss about his personal life. I’m also his species leader, though.
“I wouldn’t mind an outside perspective,” he admits. “Dáithí… I think he’s insecure about my feelings. I don’t know. He insists that we’re just dating casually, no matter how much I push for him to commit. I want to call him my boyfriend—I think of him that way, and I haven’t dated anyone else since we started seeing each other, but he’s being stubborn about this. He says my dating history is a red flag and he’d rather we stayed casual than set expectations I won’t be able to meet.”
I flinch. While it’s true that Eoin’s past is a who’s who of sexual exploits, with nary a serious relationship to be seen, that was rather a cruel thing for Dáithí to say—and not at all like him. Dáithí is sassy, snarky, and occasionally catty, but not deliberately cruel.
“How long have you been dating now?” I’m grateful for the distraction from my own woes.
“Nearly a year. We spend almost all our free time together, but he doesn’t seem to want more than that.” His unhappiness with that is clear in his voice.
