Page 61 of Wooing the Wiccan
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Jared
I thought coming backto school after spring break would help me to sort through the mess in my head, but it’s been four days and I’m still just as off-center as before. Raðulfr’s worried about me—I know he is—but I can’t quite bring myself to tell him what’s wrong. I’m scared it’ll seem like I regret learning about the community, or worse still, that I regret being with him. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I was already committed to him—completely and undeniably, joyously in love with him—but hanging out with my new friends and spending time with Raðulfr’s people over break has cemented the feeling that this is where I’m supposed to be. Every moment of my life has been leading me to this: To being a member of the Community of Species; to using magic as an everyday extension of myself; to being Raðulfr’s helpmate and partner; to loving him and being loved by him. I’m not sure yet whether the life force has more of a purpose in store for me, but for now, I know this is exactly what I was meant for.
I’m just struggling with the destruction of the truth I’d built for myself.
With a little sigh, I sink into the reading chair. I’m supposed to be tidying the story corner, but it won’t hurt anything forme to take a minute. I’ve already finished with the rest of the classroom, and it’s not like I’ve got urgent plans this afternoon. Raðulfr won’t be finished with work until close to six. The hours between now and then stretch ahead of me with yawning emptiness, and that depresses me even more.
Since when have I been the kind of defeatist person who can’t find a way to fill time? There are a dozen things I could do and enjoy, but lately it’s like the loss of my faith has led to a loss of enjoyment in everything.
“Jared?”
Startled, I lift my head and look toward the door. Gretchen raced out ten minutes ago, wanting to make an earlier-than-usual Yoga class, and I thought I was alone.
“Hey, Kaelynn.” I muster a smile and stand. “What’s up?”
Frowning, she ventures into the room. “You okay? You look… sad.” Worry clouds her expression. “Please don’t tell me you’re having more relationship problems. I thought you two made up!”
I try not to wince. As much as I’d tried, I hadn’t been able to hide my feelings from my closest colleagues after the hockey night fiasco, so I’d told them that Raðulfr and I had had a fight and were on a break. It seemed like the best way to get them to give me space and also not ask about the boyfriend I’d been gushing over just the previous day.
Kaelynn took it hard. Like,hard. And then when I told them that we’d worked things out, she was elated. If I hadn’t been so preoccupied with my own issues, I might have thought it was creepy how invested she seems to be in my love life.
“We did. We’re fine,” I assure her. “I’m not sad.”
For a second I think she’s going to argue the point, but then she makes a little humming noise and says, “You can talk to me, you know. About everything. I’m sure you have a lot of people toexplain things to you and answer questions, but if you need to talk to someone who’s been your friend from before, I’m here.”
I open my mouth to ask what she means, then snap it closed again when it hits me. Is she— “Uh… you mean… Are you…?” I fumble for words. If she’s still talking about my relationship woes or some random other things, asking if she’s a member of the community would be a very fucking stupid—and dangerous, and illegal—thing to do. On the other hand…
She glances over her shoulder toward the doorway and the empty hall beyond, then flashes me a grin. “Shifter. Of the felid kind, since I’m very clearly not insane enough to be a hellhound.”
“You’re fucking joking.” I blurt it out without thinking, then follow up with, “I’m sorry, I just meant?—”
Her laugh cuts me off, and I sag in relief that I haven’t offended her. Still, I can’t believe this! All this time I had a source I’ve known and trusted for years that I could have talked to!
“It’s fine,” she assures me. “I would have said something sooner—Iwantedto—but I didn’t know if you knew yet, and then when the thing at the hockey game happened, I figured if you and the king didn’t work things out, you might feel awkward knowing you work with me. Even though I have no connection to him or anyone he knows. Basically, I was overthinking it, and in the end I decided it was better to just wait and see what happened and keep being your friend in the meantime.” She pauses, clearly a little anxious. “I hope that’s okay.”
“It’s totally okay,” I assure her, touched that she cared enough to overthink things. “And yeah, I’m not sure how I would have reacted if you’d said something when I was—” Wait. “What do you mean, the thing at the hockey game? How do you know about that?”
She scrunches up her face in sympathy. “I’m so sorry, but news got around. Nobody knew who you were,” she rushes to add, as though that’s a huge reassurance, “only that you were a human with the king. But the people who’d been sitting around you at the game saw and heard the whole thing, and…” She shrugs. “You’d already told me and Gretch his name and described him, so I knew. I mean, there was a chance it was someone else, but let’s face it, how many men are going to have that name and description?”
“Yeah,” I agree, trying not to let this get to me. It’s not a big deal. The people who would have heard this news would all be part of the community, and they’d understand why Raðulfr hadn’t told me. Nobody’s going to think bad things about either of us because of this—not unless they were the type of person who’d think badly of us regardless. “Um, wow. I can’t pretend I’m not totally surprised by everything you’ve said since you came in here. But I’m glad, and I willdefinitelybe taking advantage of our friendship.”
Kaelynn grins. “Good. Just so you know, I won’t be taking advantage of your new connections. I’m here for you, and that’s all.”
A rush of… relief? runs through me. Everyone Raðulfr has introduced me to or that I’ve met as a result of our relationship has been amazing and supportive, and I do count some of them as actual friends now, even though it hasn’t been that long. But it’s so nice to have someone who wasmyfriend first to talk to about the community. “I never thought you would.”
When I finally leave work,the boost I got from my chat with Kaelynn dissipates, leaving me flat and overwhelmed bymy own brain yet again. I don’t want to go home, but there’s nowhere else I want to go right now either, which leads to me driving around pretty aimlessly until a reckless driver runs a red light and I have to slam my brakes on to avoid hitting them. The adrenaline that floods my system is more grounding than anything else has been lately, and once the idiot driver is gone and I’m safely through the intersection, I look for somewhere to pull over.
To my surprise, I find that I’m downtown, near the stadium where Raðulfr and I—and Eoin, and thousands of others—attended that ill-fated hockey game. Street parking around here is rarer than hens’ teeth, but instead of heading elsewhere, I impulsively pull into the nearest parking garage.
Expensive impulse. It better be worth it.
I’m not sure what I’m expecting when I approach the stadium. There are people wandering around, but not that many. The doors are open, which I wasn’t expecting, so I pull out my phone and check the schedule on the website.
Open practice for the Warhammers.
They use the stadium for that? Huh.
