Page 40 of Lost Boy
“Panic attack,” he states matter-of-factly.
“Huh?” I don’t get those.
He eyes me wearily. “You’ve never had that happen before?”
“No,” I say, answering truthfully.
His voice gentles, the slightest emotion seeping in. “It’s okay, Ryder. It used to happen to me a lot and still does sometimes,” he confesses. I wonder if he’s thinking about what happened on the couch. “What were you thinking about right before?” The look in his eyes is anything but probing. I swallow thickly, unsure if I should answer that question or not. Especially now, on his birthday.
I want him to open up to me so I can learn everything about him. I need to gain his trust, his loyalty. “My mom,” I whisper, nearly choking on the word and hating myself.
“It’s okay,” he says again, earnest and understanding, nearly causing me to wince. “You don’t need to tell me about it right now. I get it, okay? Believe me. I get it.” His last words are sardonic, but they’re not aimed at me.
We clearly have more in common than we even realize. And I think we both see that now as we sit at the dining room table, staring at each other, both a little lost.
“Let’s go open your gifts, Blue,” I say, wanting to change the subject and steer his birthday back on track. This isn’t about me. This ishisday. Andfuckdoes he deserve to be celebrated.
* * *
When we walk into the living room, Joel, Sofie, and my dad shoutSurpriseat Fallon. They’re all standing around a giant lump with a blanket over the top and a bunch of shiny wrapped gifts.
He doesn’t react much.
“We didn’t want to box it up or wrap it,” Joel says, explaining why it’s under a throw.
“And it’s not a kitty! Unfortunately!” Sofie adds in, unhelpfully.
I shake my head, ignoring my little sister’s strangeness and constant fixation on wanting a cat. It can’t be healthy.
“Come in, boys. Fallon, we have lots for you to open!” My dad ushers us in, and we plop down on the loveseat together. Dad hands him a small box wrapped in shiny blue paper with a big silver ribbon tied on top.
“I wrapped that!” Sofie exclaims proudly. She really is good at wrapping gifts.
Fallon glances up and looks at her behind his curtain of blue hair. “Nice.”
“Open it!” she insists.
He delicately and politely opens the gift, never tearing the paper too much. Inside is a brand-new iPhone 14. His eyes dart over to mine, wide and possibly freaking out inside. Okay, definitely freaking out inside.
I try to make it not a big deal because it really isn’t to someone like my dad. “Sweet, you have the newest model. I’m waiting two more months to upgrade.”
“Me toooo! And I’m dying with the old model. I swear it’s so slow,” Sofie whines.
“Wow. Thank you. It’s too much, though, really,” he says, leaning forward and placing the phone on the coffee table separating us from the overstuffed gray couch my dad, Joel, and Sofie are piled on.
“I don’t deserve it.”
His words are soft and hesitant, but we all heard them. There’s another awkward silence, so I guess he fits right in. Although this one isn’t funny, this is sad.
Before I can jump in, Joel does.
“Fallon, please do not say that. We already talked about you not saying you can leave, and now I want to add this to the list. Because you deserve everything you’re about to get and more, nephew. We all love you.”
Fallon stares down at his hands, picking at the black nail polish that’s lasted all week, mumbling a quiet “thanks.” I know he’s feeling uncomfortable with all the attention right now.
I subtly move my arm until it’s touching his, trying to imbue some of my newfound calm into him. He helped me earlier, and I need to do the same. “Open the weird blanket gift,” I suggest, nudging his smaller shoulder with my bicep.
“Do it!” Sofie shouts with enthusiasm.
