Page 45 of Consequences
“The nightmares are him never waking up,” he replies just as softly. “It’s just me, alone in that cell. Me and the person he used to be.”
I cry, tears soaking into my pillow as they fall unhindered down my face. Cristian turns back to face me, gathering me in his arms.
“We’re both here,” he says. “We made it out.”
“I should be comforting you,” I say on a gasp, clutching at him.
“Shh. You’re the heart of me, Caro. You’re allowed to cry for my pain, allowed to feel when I can’t.”
That makes me cry harder for him, because fuck his uncle for tainting his views of what a Boss should be like. It’s the same bullshit my father and brother tried to beat into me, but I was older when I was sent to them, so the “lessons” didn’t stick.
“Have you talked to Allesandro about this? The nightmares, the…lingering struggles and fear, your time in captivity?”
He laughs bitterly. “No, of course not. We were not raised to talk about our emotions, let alone our hardships, with anyone, much less another Boss. Allies or not, friends or not, this is the stuff you keep private.” He hesitates for a moment before saying, “Ten knows.”
I figured he did. There isn’t anything those two don’t know about each other. Their bond was established long before I or Allesandro entered the picture. I can’t be upset over it. Maybesome would expect me to be, but as long as Cristian isn’t keeping this burden to himself, how can I be?
“It might help if you talked, since you both went through the same thing. Experiences like that, they can change you.”
Cristian pulls back enough to meet my eyes, and gives a small, broken smile. “I’m not like you, Carter. Feelings aren’t easy for me.”
“You do better than you think.”
“Only because of you and Roman.”
And Tennant. And Il Padrone now.Not that I’ll say it, not yet at least. He needs time to come to terms with the still-shifting dynamics of our Family.
“I love you, because you’re a good man, an even better father, and I can’t ever imagine myself without you,” I tell him softly. “I want to raise another child with you because we deserve to have happiness, even though our lives and hands are soaked in blood. You’re allowed good things, Cris.”
“You’re my good thing,” is his reply.
I kiss him, slow and soft, hoping he can feel all the love I have for him in my touch. When the kiss breaks, the soft emotion in his eyes is gone, and I know what’s coming.
“I’m going to go downstairs,” he says. “I won’t get back to sleep tonight.”
“Want me to come with you?”
He shakes his head. “No, I’ll wake Ten. Fucker doesn’t deserve to sleep with the shit he’s still putting me through.”
I laugh. “He and Benjamin are sweet together. I hope you get a chance to see it soon.”
He grumbles but slides out of bed. “Not today at least,” he says. “I was contemplating having the meeting at the Martelli mansion, but after tonight…”
I nod in understanding. At least he’s admitting that the nightmare knocked his equilibrium around, and is willing to stayhome to try to find his balance again. Not that I believe it’s what he needs, but I won’t push, not today.
He kisses me again. “You should sleep more if you can.”
“I’ll try,” I lie.
He doesn’t look like he believes me, but kisses me one last time before heading into the bathroom for a shower, so he can get his day started at—I check the time—three in the morning. Could be worse, I suppose. At least three hours of sleep is better than none.
When the shower turns on, I reach for my phone, bringing up a contact I never thought I’d have to use, at least not for this.
CARTER
He needs you…
I don’t say anything else, knowing Il Padrone will understand the meaning of the text, and if he doesn’t, well then, good for Cris or not, he doesn’t deserve him. But, if my instincts are right, my husband isn’t the only one who caught feelings in that cell. It’s just a matter of when they’ll stop being stubborn and start being honest with themselves.
