Page 194 of Heart of the High King
“Fuck, at least no one will ask where I got my cold streak from. She was wrong Rafe, to trade you for me.”
“Kendrick, she was a girl when she got pregnant. She thought she was doing the right thing. Her son would be raised in a castle with his father and given every advantage. It was a different time,” Noirin said gently. Taking the book from Kendrick, Rafe didn’t stop her as she silently read on.
“Rafe, talk to me,” Aleksander said.
His shoulders trembled as he was unable to keep from weeping. “I don’t know why I never realized she was my mother. She was right. I do have her curls. It didn’t matter what was going on in my life, she was always there…until she wasn’t. Molly was certainly never at Sullivan’s side for shit.”
“How the fuck could she continue sleeping with him?” Kendrick demanded. “It’s like she’s blaming you for his manipulation that she allowed. You were an adult when she got pregnant with me. She couldn’t find a way to tell you what was going on without Charlton finding out? I mean come on, the guy’s not exactly the smartest one on the planet. We already know you would’ve kept her secret if she asked, Rafe. I don’t understand any of this.”
Rafe rubbed his left eye with the heel of his hand, bumping his elbow on Aleksander’s chest. “I don’t either.”
“She didn’t want to confront the fact that she was being manipulated by him, too,” Aleksander surmised. “It sounds like she had Charlton on a pedestal. It had to be your fault you liked Sullivan, though she clearly didn’t, even though you wouldn’t have had any reason to doubt the people around you, and she thinks somehow her being a servant would’ve affected your place in the court. That’s bullshit, your father was still king. He played her to get her into bed.”
“There are only two letters in here,” Noirin confessed. “The one you read and another one written shortly before her death. I really think you should see this one, Rafe.”
“I’m not sure I’m strong enough to handle anything else.”
Noirin got up and sat on the coffee table so she was across from Rafe. Their eyes met, and her gaze was filled with compassion. “Trust me. You need this one.”
“Aleksander, will you read it?”
His mate took the book from Noirin and as Rafe wanted, he read it aloud.
My dear Rafe,
I made a bargain with the devil. When your brother, Kendrick, fought his way into this world, I was overwhelmed with being a single parent living alone. Charlton, of course, came knocking wondering when I would welcome him into bed again, but I was too busy to cater to his whims. And I was haunted by a single afternoon when my firstborn beat on the door to my small home begging me to speak to you. You wanted me to be your mother and it broke my heart, but I’ve learned I was a coward for I did nothing but sit in a chair and cry until you left. It was at that moment I’d started to realize what a fool I am.
When Charlton did not get his way, he became cruel and although I’d only traded you for Kendrick to get some peace from him, he lied to me. He kept coming around and he’d threaten constantly to take away Kendrick. I had no choice but to let his vile hands touch me again. I fought the first time, but he enjoyed it so much I learned to stay still as he took away my choices. The Charlton I thought I’d loved was nothing more than a mirage. As king, he made sure I only got enough work to put a roof above our heads, but I’ve found I’m resourceful. I saved and it took me a century, but I finally have the money to send Kendrick off to school. Now free, he doesn’t ever need to return to Court Kestle and I’ve set him up for success.
I didn’t ask Charlton’s permission and I’ve committed the ultimate transgression by defying him. I know I will pay for it with my life. You see, I discovered his secret on a walk one day when I overheard him and Sullivan talking about all those missing dragons they’ve killed. Those idiots weren’t smart enough to make sure no one could listen to their foul conversation. I’m sure that’s exactly how his dear mate, Agnes, died as well. My youngest son has been liberated but there’s no way Charlton will ever let me have the same respite. And I find myself unable to even try because it would mean not having the chance to see you again.
Yes Rafe, I may not be allowed to speak to you but that doesn’t mean I don’t watch you when I can. Each day I time my own so I might get a glimpse of you in the distance. My dear son, I wish I could tell you how much I regret the choices I’ve made. I beg you not to think of me harshly. I was so wrong to give Charlton and Sullivan unfettered control when it came to you. What choice did you have but to seek love from anywhere you could get it when you weren’t allowed to know the truth of your mother? I hope someday you will find this book and have enough of me inside you to believe my truths. Should this find its way into your hands, I beg you to find the same kind of escape as I managed for your brother. I’ve hidden it amongst my things knowing that Kendrick with his inquisitive nature will find it and bring it to you somehow when Charlton mails him what’s left of me.
I love you Rafe, and I would give anything to hold my baby boy in my arms once again. Be well. Love strong and I beg Fate every day to bring you your mate. Give her everything that abounds in your beautiful and trusting heart.
With love forever, Mom
“All this crying is giving me a fucking headache,” Rafe complained when Aleksander shut the book carefully and set it on the table.
Kendrick massaged his eyelids. “Thank fuck she redeemed herself.”
“Why did your stupid ass go back to Court Kestle? Didn’t she tell you not to return?” Rafe demanded.
His brother’s expression was sheepish. “I promised I wouldn’t go back, but she was my mom. I couldn’t just abandon her.”
“You and I need to work our shit out.”
“Yeah, she’s probably ready to reach across the veil and slap me for ever hurting her oldest son.”
“In order to do that, you need to get everything off your chest,” Rafe insisted. “You don’t like me with Sander or what?”
“I never said that. You’re the one that jumps away from him when I walk in the room like you’re still dealing with your sexuality.”
“No, I don’t like touching him in front of you because you’re a judgmental asshat.”
“Sullivan told me the twins were your kids. I thought you only liked women; that’s why I was glaring all the time. I thought you were sleeping with Aleksander because you liked the idea of being High King, not the way it should be with you legitimately wanting to be his mate.”
Determined to erase every secret at D’Vaire, Rafe laid a hand on Aleksander’s thigh. “I was a virgin until Sander wooed me with champagne, roses, and silk sheets.”
