Page 41 of Heart of the High King
Chapter 16
Rafferty had known from the moment he arrived at D’Vaire that saying good-bye wouldn’t be easy, but as he stood there waiting for Dra’Kaedan to teleport him, he desperately wanted to make promises he couldn’t possibly keep. Although he wanted to tell Aleksander he’d never leave, that there was nowhere he’d rather be than with him, and he’d work through his issues to be a good mate, he didn’t. Instead, he allowed Aleksander to hold him, and their lips met with urgency and honesty.
With no idea how many weeks would pass until he’d get the chance again, Rafferty put everything he was into their mouth-on-mouth, and there was just as much longing in the way Aleksander’s tongue hungrily sought out his. There was no longer a question in Rafferty’s mind if he was attracted to Aleksander. Whether he’d been gay or not all along no longer mattered. Aleksander was his mate, and he was the only person Rafferty had ever been able to imagine himself with.
When he had no choice but to break away to breathe, Rafferty laid his forehead onto Aleksander’s collarbone, and the other dragon dropped a kiss on his stubbled hair.
“I wish you didn’t have to go,” Aleksander murmured.
“Me too,” Rafferty replied, forcing himself to straighten. Their eyes met, and there was warmth in Aleksander’s beautiful gaze. “I’ve got to figure this out. I don’t want to be gone so long, but my father counts on me too. I’m not sure what the answers are yet, but I need to work through my issues.”
“I’m here waiting for you. I know you have a lot on your plate. We’ll make do until you can come back, okay?”
“Thanks for everything, I had a really great time.”
“I did too. You’ve got an open invitation, so don’t waste it, yeah?”
Reluctantly, Rafferty stepped away, and his arms fell to his sides as the distance between him and Aleksander grew. “I’ll text you.”
“You better.”
Letting Dra’Kaedan know he was ready, Rafe took a moment to memorize the smile on Aleksander’s face as a strange chill swept over him. A voice in his head whispered that nothing would be the same when he returned to D’Vaire. Rafferty took that to mean he’d find the courage to stand up for what he had discovered was inside of him and who he truly was. When he had no choice but to close his eyes, Rafferty ignored his grumbling belly once at the Dérive station and was pleasantly surprised when both the Grand Warlock and the Grand Duke hugged him before they disappeared.
Walking outside, he found Sullivan already waiting for him at the curb. “Get in the car, Paunchy,” he shouted out the window.
“Thanks for picking me up,” Rafferty said, climbing inside.
“Did you lose weight?”
Pleased that Sullivan noticed, Rafferty nodded. “A little. Aleksander and I flew every day, which allowed my dragon to burn up calories.”
“That wasn’t the deal. You know better than to get your dragon used to that. There’s no way you can do it that often at home.”
Rafferty frowned. Building a tentative bridge between him and the beast that had never liked him due to his need to keep him bottled up constantly was enjoyable, but whatever progress he’d made evaporated. A grumble reached his head followed by a loud roar. “I know that.”
“And ‘Aleksander’ is it now? What happened to His Highness?”
“You’ve been to his house. You know they’re informal. I spent a week there—I’ve gotten used to calling him Aleksander,” Rafferty replied, thrilled beyond measure that he hadn’t slipped and called him Sander. A second later, both he and his dragon were pissed off that he had to hide his connection and, more importantly, his feelings for him.
“I’m not sure you should keep returning. We’re doing fine without D’Vaire right now, and you get such an attitude when you hang around them. Maybe you should give me your phone so you can’t keep texting him.”
“Sully, all I said was that he prefers Aleksander, and I want to keep talking to him. We’re friends.”
“Why would he pick you as a friend?”
Rafferty stared out the window and wondered why he always had to fight with his family. The only thing he wanted was to be himself and find a way to keep his alliance between the two courts as he figured out what kind of future was possible. “I don’t know,” he eventually muttered.
When they got to the house, Rafferty went up to his room and emptied his suitcase. Venturing back downstairs, he was told that his father was out for the rest of the night with a new lady friend. There were chores waiting for him, which included mundane things like laundry for the twins, sweeping the main floor, and other cleaning tasks. As he moved through the list left by his father, Rafferty allowed his mind to wander.
It was slightly infuriating to have to leave Aleksander to fold his brothers’ underwear simply because the pair was too lazy to do it on their own. Whatever important duties were always carried out by Sullivan while Rafferty was left with a great deal of crap. Although his father counted on him, these tasks were less important than being with Aleksander and exploring what was growing between them.
Rafferty wasn’t sure why it’d taken him so long to see Aleksander in a sexual light or why he was the first person to ever make him need. Perhaps he’d just been biding his time for his mate to show up and was so scared of dealing with being homosexual that he had buried it. There wasn’t much discussion around his home about things like that unless it was disparaging remarks about the queers who allowed themselves to fall from grace with men or the next woman his father or brothers wanted to fuck.
The Council believed that there was nothing wrong with loving someone no matter their gender, and Rafferty had known that deep inside. Whatever was wrong with him that dissuaded him from seeking out a partner was irrelevant. Rafferty did want to be with Aleksander, and coming to that conclusion was both frightening and exciting. Scrubbing furiously to clean his brother’s filthy bathroom, Rafferty made a mental inventory of the things he needed to do before returning to D’Vaire.
Although he worked out with weapons every day at Court Kestle, he was still fat, which made him uncomfortable with his body. Being out of his dragon for another long stretch wasn’t going to help matters, so he was going to search and figure out what humans did to burn calories. If he added more exercise and reduced his portions, he was sure he could look better naked, which would boost his confidence. While he worked on that, he could figure out how to reveal his true relationship with Aleksander to his family.
Not wanting to hurt his father, Rafferty also refused to walk away from his home with a vast rift sitting between him and the men who cared about him. They were intolerant, but surely their love for him would pave a road for some level of acceptance. Although he wasn’t fond of teleporting, perhaps he could travel back to Kestle to help out after he made a permanent move to D’Vaire to explore his relationship with Aleksander. Or perhaps it was best to try building intimacy with Aleksander before he packed his bags? Rafferty didn’t know what was best and thought it was something he should discuss with Aleksander as soon as he was able to be honest with his father and brothers. Although he was frightened, it was either find his courage or sacrifice whatever possibilities existed for him and Aleksander.
