Page 85 of Heart of the High King
Chapter 35
Rafe hadn’t slept well. That wasn’t anything new. Insomnia was an old friend, and thanks to his experience in the mine, he was terrified of the dark, being trapped anywhere, and small spaces. At night when his mind was free to do whatever it wanted, it took him back to the horrors of the five months he was at the mercy of his relatives. The night terror had happened within sixty minutes of sliding into slumber, and it had taken him hours afterward to drift off again. Rafe was simply grateful he hadn’t screamed loud enough for anyone to hear, and while he could’ve taken one of his heavy-duty pills, he hated the grogginess that came with them.
Trying not to focus on how tired he was, Rafe carefully logged the first records into his database. It had taken him a few days to learn what he needed, and thankfully the Office of the Emperor had gone with a simple format, otherwise Rafe would probably be totally lost. It had been nearly a week since he learned of his new job, and it had been a strange seven days. No matter how late he wandered into the kitchen at mealtimes, Aleksander was waiting and so were his usual tablemates. They insisted on keeping Rafe company, and he wasn’t alone when at his desk either.
All Rafe could do was try to keep quiet and keep his nose out of D’Vaire business, but no one was making it easy on him. There was no choice but to continue to separate himself. While Aleksander and Sorcery D’Vaire might havegrandioseplans about what they could accomplish, Rafe would not allow his mind to even go there. It wasn’t that he doubted their abilities or their determination—he had simply lost hope. Of everything he’d endured, it was the most painful thing stripped from him, and Rafe was incapable of putting himself through that again.
The reality was that he would die, and it was only now that Rafe was at D’Vaire that he fully comprehended what a selfish dick he’d been by applying to their sanctuary. While he’d known it would hurt him, he’d never considered that Aleksander would latch on to a fantastical idea that somehow things would be okay. It was going to hurt Aleksander when he passed, and Rafe was sorry he would be responsible for his mate’s grief.
Aleksander hadn’t pressed, though. There were no more questions asked or hints about a future, so perhaps he was coming to terms with the situation. Rafe wanted that because he believed it would be easier on Aleksander if he dealt with his emotions before his pyre was lit.
“Pee.”
When Mortis’s voice went through Rafe’s head, he welcomed the distraction. “Okay.”
“Okay, what?” Aleksander asked.
“I need to take Mortis out.”
Aleksander got to his feet. “I’ll go out with you.”
“Yay! Aleksander play!”
“You’re a traitor,” Rafe told Mortis, grabbing his walker and standing.
“Aleksander nice.”
“I know that.”
“You know what?” Aleksander asked, crossing the office slowly to give Rafe the chance to catch up.
“Mortis thinks you’re nice.”
Leaning toward the wolf, Aleksander ruffled Mortis’s fur and scratched behind his ears. “Mortis is nice too, but how do you know what he’s thinking?”
Rafe concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other while he lamented his need to always appear stronger than he was. Too damn tired to be walking, his ass should be in his wheelchair. Without answering Aleksander, Rafe made it out onto the deck. Mortis ran out, and Aleksander shut the back door while Rafe painfully lowered himself to a chaise.
“Aleksander throw.”
“Mortis wants you to play catch with him. Do you mind? I’m kind of tired.”
“I will if you’ll tell me how you know he wants me to do it.”
“Oh, sorry. He can communicate telepathically.”
“Like a pair of mated sentinels. That’s awesome,” Aleksander said. Strolling down the stairs, he threw the ball, which made the wolf ecstatic.
“I hope mated sentinels say more exciting things than ‘pee’ and ‘throw.’ ”
Aleksander laughed as he tossed the toy again. “I imagine Mortis’s wants and needs are simpler than ours.”
“He’s definitely instinctual like I imagine a dragon is.”
“I’m not sure if it’s a good or a bad thing that I can’t hear mine.”
The corner of Rafe’s mouth lifted. “I don’t even have one anymore.”
“How did you survive? We’ve been taught for thousands of years that it’s impossible.”
