Page 53 of The Heart We Guard
I wake to the feel of something wet brushing over my fingers. It’s rough. Abrasive. I jump awake. “What the fuck?”
A little, fluffy white dog suddenly appears, sniffing at my hands. When I look up, I notice that not only has the sun started to come up, but Greer’s elderly neighbor is looking down at me.
She’s wearing a colorful kaftan in pumpkin and dark green, with big gold earrings. “Are you okay, son?” she says, in that raspy, smoked-too-many-cigarettes-back-in-the-day kind of voice.
Son? No one has called me that in a really long time.
“Do you know where Greer went?” I ask.
“I do,” she says.
“Where?”
She smiles like she’s some kind of mystic. “If she wanted you to know, she would have told you.”
For a fraction of a second, I think about standing, to shake the fucking information out of her. But what on earth am I doing, considering threatening some woman who looks like she’d fall over if I even nudged her?
“If she contacts you again, could you give her a message from me?”
“Of course. I’m Esme by the way. You must be Butcher.”
“I am.” I pull a small notepad and pen from my pocket and scribble my number down as best I can. I don’t bother with my name seeing I just told her. “Tell her to call me. That I read her note. And that…”
And what? I’m not sure what I want to say. What I want her to know.
Thank you for telling me?
Fuck it, I want you both?
Do you need cash to get rid of it?
I blanch at the last one. Not because I don’t believe in abortion, but because the baby in question is mine and Greer’s. A new life I’ve only just realized I might want.
The old woman sighs. “That’s the challenge, isn’t it?”
“What is?”
“Being able to put words to it all. I’m sure the baby came as a shock to you.”
“She told you about it?”
“Of course. Greer tells me everything. Congratulations. Are you happy about it?”
“Yes.” The word comes unbidden. Like the blade of a sharp knife, the word cuts through everything else. “Yes.”
She taps my cheek. “Good. Then practice being a good man, good husband, and good father for the moment you find her.”
I huff at that. “I’ve done a lousy job of all of the above for most of my life.”
She smiles softly again. “Oh, sweetheart. I’m sure you have. But I know with my whole heart you’re capable of being so much more. Start today. Start now. Be the man worth the two of them. Sober up. Get a goddamn haircut and shave. And get rid of that other motorcycle club that’s been bothering her. You must have ways.”
“The other motorcycle club?” I say, jumping to my feet. “Which one?”
Esme shakes her head. “I don’t know. But she told me they were trouble. And they weren’t here because of you.” She places her hand on my arm for the briefest of moments. “I’ll pass along your message.”
My heart races at the thought Greer is in some kind of danger and can’t reach me. I’d have ridden out for her, even if the holes in my chest hadn’t healed.
Knowing what I know now, I can barely keep the panic from taking over.
