Page 97 of The Heart We Guard
“Plus,” Atom continues, “getting that upset isn’t good for you or the baby.”
I laugh at that. “Greer routinely reminds me that the baby is the size of a nickel and doesn’t have ears yet. You aren’t going to upset the baby.”
Atom grins. “Not your baby. Ours.”
“Oh my God,” Greer says before I can get my brain to function.
“You…what…I…?” I manage to say. I’m going to have a baby and a grandbaby in the same year.
Fuck me.
Ember sighs. “Preggo hormones are ever so slightly behind my stomp fest and tears. I guess I wanted our baby announcement to be special. I wanted to tell you that you’regoing to be a grandfather, and hearing your news made it feel less…special, I guess. I mean, I know it’s not but?—”
“Shut up, Em,” I say, tugging her to her feet and wrapping my arms around her.
Memories flood me of her when she was little, and I’d swaddle her up in that batch of fleecy blankets my mother-in-law made. The first time I gave her broccoli, and she threw it across the kitchen. The first day of school, when she didn’t want to go unless I took her on my bike. The second day when she was up at five because she couldn’t wait to go. High school graduation, where every biker in my club showed up to whoop and holler when she walked across the stage. Prom with some slick-talking rancher’s son, where the club gave her an escort, much to the delight of the other students. A million different memories of her and me.
I feel the sobs before I hear them. It starts as a small shudder. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”
And, Jesus, if the use ofDaddyisn’t a figurative kick in the balls about what is important. “Nothing to be sorry for. And I’ll ask a million questions about my grandbaby in a second, but first, I need to know about my OG baby.” I step back and cup her cheeks. Tears stain them. “How are you?”
She smiles at that. “You mean, apart from crying every five minutes over nothing and causing scenes?”
“Meh,” Atom says. “You’ve been doing one of those things your whole life. Only the tears are new.”
She turns to Atom, and it’s as though they say a million soft, sappy, and romantic things without a word.
I glance over Ember’s head to Greer, and her smile is so fucking beautiful, I can’t take it in. Never really got all those romantic analogies when men say their lover’s eyes lit up like a firework or whatever. But now, looking at Greer, with all the shifting feelings inside, I get it.
And when I look at what Ember and Atom are building, I get it.
Maybe all I have to do now is follow what my heart is telling me and make one of the toughest decisions of my life.
After dinner, I step out onto the porch. Usually, I’d have a cigarette, but I’ve been doing okay without them.
“Can I talk to you for a minute before we head out, Dad?” Ember says.
“Of course.” She sits on the steps, and I sit down next to her.
She takes a deep breath and picks at an invisible piece of fluff on her jeans. Then, she sighs.
I can’t remember the last time I held her hand, but I do it now. It’s clammy. “Just say whatever it is, Em.”
When she turns to face me, there are tears in her eyes. And it shatters my heart into pieces that I’ve hurt this girl so much.
“Why is this…” She blows out a breath and swallows. “Why is this baby worth changing for, and I wasn’t?”
Tears sting my eyes as I look at my beautiful girl.
“Em. Sweetheart. No. It wasn’t that you weren’t worth changing for. It’s that I didn’t thinkIwas worth changing for.” I pull her to me, and she folds against me, burying her head against my shoulder as she sobs.
“I’m sorry,” she says, her voice muffled. “Hormones.”
She tries to lift and swipe them away, but I tug her back to me because I need to hold her as much as she needs to be held.
“It’s not hormones. It’s fucking years of hurt because I never did right by you or your mom. But I’m so very sorry for it all, Em. You were always my joy. You’re a hard worker. Brave and loyal. You’re industrious and funny and love your horse. I love every single thing about you. Even your choice in future husband.”
I feel her chuckle, between the sobs, at that.
