Page 61 of Befriending the Bear
A harsh breath. Then a sob, and my heart broke for her, even though so far, she’d given me precious little reason to like her. But her anguish now was clear, and it rang true to me.
“I’ve tried so hard to make up for it,” she said through tears. “The therapy. The books. The exercises. It wasn’t about fixing you, not really. It was about undoing what I let happen. About atoning for what I had caused with my negligence. And I couldn’t. I couldn’t undo it.”
Calloway’s eyes filled with tears, but he remained silent.
“I’ve failed you in so many ways, Calloway. I wanted you to have a good life. To not feel like something was wrong with you.”
“There isn’t,” Calloway finally spoke, voice hoarse. “There’s n-nothing wrong with m-me.”
“You’re right. There was something wrong with me, not you,” she whispered. “And I’m sorry it took me this long to say it aloud.”
The silence was softer now. Not heavy with expectation or disappointment, like before, but pliable. Honest.
Calloway sighed. “I d-don’t blame you. Not for what happened. I n-n-never have.”
She sobbed again, muffled this time.
“But I n-need you to st-stop trying to rewrite who I am. I’ve w-worked so hard to b-be okay with myself. And I am. I’m happy. I have s-s-someone in my life who sees me. Who l-listens.”
“I want to meet him. I want to…try again. If you’ll let me.”
He wiped his face with his sleeve. “M-maybe. One day. But you have to s-s-show me you accept m-me first. As I am. The st-st-stutter. The quiet. All of it.”
“I will. I promise. No more trying to change you. Just…share your life with me, honey. That’s all I want now.”
Calloway closed his eyes. “Okay.”
A beat. Then two.
“I love you, sweetheart,” she said, voice raw.
“I l-love you too, M-Mom.”
He ended the call, then stood there, the phone still in his hand, as if he were unsure what to do next.
I slid my arms around him from behind, pulling him against my chest. He leaned in, closing his eyes. “You okay?”
He let out a shaky breath. “Yeah. I th-think I am.”
I turned him gently in my arms, brushing my thumb across his damp cheek. “You were amazing. I’m proud of you. That was brave as hell.”
“She said she was s-s-sorry.”
“She sounded like she meant it.”
“She did.” He leaned his forehead against mine. “She’s b-been trying to fix me all these years because she thought I was br-broken. The stutter, the silence… She thought it was her f-fault.”
“Was it?”
“M-maybe she sh-should’ve paid m-more attention. But I n-never blamed her. And I’m not br-broken.” His voice steadied. “I’m not.”
“No, you’re not,” I said, kissing the corner of his mouth. “You’re whole.”
He wrapped his arms around me, holding on tight.
Outside, the snow continued to fall, quiet and beautiful. Inside, we stood silently, finding and giving comfort in equal measure.
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