Page 58 of Blue Embers
“Watch it, old lady. This is the twenty-first century. We eat whatever we want now. I’m an independent woman and I like sandwiches.”
“Old?” I asked.
“Keera is older than she looks,” Everly pointed with a butter knife that she was using to spread mayo onto Ronan’s bread.
“Huh,” I tilted my head. “You look good.”
“Of course I do,” Keera batted her eyes.
Spending time with the other two ladies in the house made me feel a bit more at ease with my situation. They were kind and down to earth, both having at least one thing in common with me. All three of us were marked. All three of us came by our marks differently. I listened to both of their stories for a while before spending the rest of the day helping Keera prepare dinner. I enjoyed keeping busy after everything and insisted, as much as she told me it wasn’t necessary.
While Everly gravitated toward the men and Ronan took to his father, the two of us talked non stop for almost the whole day. I was thankful for her company and found myself smiling more than I had in a while.
Once dinner was over, everyone went their separate ways and I ended up feeling like the last thing on Killian’s mind. I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong. Whatever it was that was going through his head was on him. I wasn’t naive enough to take the blame and decided to give him the distance he clearly needed. At least for now. Eventually, though, I’d want a clear answer about where we stood.
24
Killian
. . .
I stood outside, leaning on the hood of my car and staring at the colorless landscape, all the while thinking that there were larger things to focus on than my relationship with Persephone. I’d avoided everyone the entire day trying to get my bearings. As night started to cast its blanket over the sky, my brain began to sort through the pressing matters we were facing. Things I should have never let myself get distracted from. I let the cold breeze quell the burning fire and frustration in my veins, but it was only a matter of time before I couldn’t let it go unattended any longer.
As my thoughts stewed and burned in my head, I heard the front door quietly open. I could hear the presence of a Draak before he stepped out onto the driveway. Sliding my hands into my coat pockets, I waited, listening as Lukan walked calmly up beside me and stood, looking out into the darkening woods. I glanced up at him, aware that he was there to talk and not to enjoy the scenery.
The Draak was bigger than I was and admittedly more experienced in most aspects of life having been the right hand to more than one Red. I, on the other hand, was a strategist. A man who worked primarily behind the scenes for most of my existence. If Lukan was there to give me advice, I was ready to listen. I needed it.
“She seems level headed,” he said, turning to face me. “Considering.”
I nodded once, Persephone’s image gliding across my mind. “She’s resilient,” I said vaguely.
“So? Tell me about her? You marked her and brought her here. Clearly she’s not just some female.”
I hesitated for a moment, getting my thoughts in order.
“I care for her,” I said. “She’s an outstanding woman and something about her has seduced me, that’s for certain. Trust me, I have tried to dismiss my feelings for her, but I’ve proven incapable. Now I’ve marked her and things seem upside down inside me.”
“You had to have marked her for a good reason. We don’t bind ourselves to women blindly. Well...not unless you’re Draven,” he snorted. “You saved her because you felt something was there.”
“I was afraid to lose her,” I admitted. “I saw her there in all that blood and I imagined a world without her. The thought alone made me feel deprived, so I made a choice. But now it’s difficult to look at her. All I see…”
I hesitated for a while, words getting lodged in my throat.
“All I see is Annette,” I continued. “Or rather what happened to her. What happened to the child I never knew as well as I could have. I feel that terrible pain of loss like it all happened yesterday and I know I cannot go through that again, brother. I wouldn’t survive it. I’ve worked quite tediously for many years in order to master the art of not getting attached. Of not seeing women like I see Persephone. She’s smart. She’s decisive. She tests me and I fear I’ve become hypnotized by the idea of her being mine, but it always ends so horrifyingly.”
“There is not a Draak alive who hasn’t felt loss, but there are few who have felt it like we have. Insanity is known to take some of our oldest because of it.”
“You’re not making this any better,” I said, raising a brow.
“I’m not trying to. We are dragons first and men second. Our instincts tell us what we want. What we need. The problem has always been that the two coincide. We desire women. When we find the one we desire most, desire turns to need.”
“It’s a fine line,” I sighed.
“Do you love her?” Lukan asked without skating around the subject any longer.
I looked up at him, the question repeating itself over and over in my head.
“I care about her,” I said, avoiding the word.
