Page 2 of Across The Stars
“What did you do?” I asked, trying to stifle the horrible, lost feeling that was growing inside of me like mold on month-old bread.
“Don’t be mad,” she said. Not a good start. “I borrowed money a month back from Six. He said—"
“No,” I said, holding up a hand to shush her. “I don’t care why or what he said. You told me you were done with that.”
“I know, but—"
“No!”
I marched forward and started poking and prodding at Sam in search of drugs. I knew all her hiding places. Her underwear. Her bra. The rolled cuffs on her pants. She wasn’t wearing a shirt with a collar, so I didn’t check there.
“I don’t have anything!” she protested, pulling away from me.
“Then why’d you borrow money?”
“To cover my part of the rent. That’s all.”
I narrowed my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. “Then why are you so nervous?”
“Because... I also borrowed money for last month’s rent. And the month before that.”
“Jesus, Sam,” I said, starting to pace with stress.
“I’m sorry. I’m not doing so well. I got fired and I can’t find work and I didn’t want to tell you and if Six finds out I can’t pay him again, he’ll collect in other ways. You know him.”
Sam started babbling. She did that when she was upset. I turned and looked at the apartment we’d been sharing for the last two years. It was small. One bedroom. No walls. The carpet was old and the fridge wasn’t even digitized. The walls were an off-white color that I was sure used to be much brighter. We never even decorated because we were only supposed to be there for a year. Yes, I liked that the building was old-fashioned, but after the shit night I had, it just looked like a cramped box. I hated it. I ground my teeth thinking about the fact that I had just turned thirty. I was supposed to have my shit figured out.
This is not my life, I repeated to myself.
I spun around and faced Sam, my eyes wide and filled with “crazy.” Sam stopped, her lips snapping shut like she was about to get scolded. I wanted to yell at her, of course, but knowing Sam, it wouldn’t change a damn thing and she’d just start crying. The girl made a lot of mistakes, but at least she felt bad about them.
“Let’s leave,” I said.
“Umm... ok. Where? Like across the state?”
“No.” I stepped forward and grabbed her shoulders. Sam went stiff and glanced at my hands as if to ask when the last time I washed them was. “I mean, let’s leave Earth,” I finished.
She hesitated for a moment, her eyes darting back and forth between mine. She was stunned, but when she finally burst out laughing, I pulled back with an irritated hiss.
“Are you serious?” she asked. “Leave Earth? Because it’s so easy?”
“You know people,” I said. “You could forge papers. Say I finished schooling in language. You went to school for nursing—"
“I never finished, either.”
“That’s where forging comes in. Say we did finish. Besides, they need a lot of people just to do normal work like cleaning, paperwork, and stuff like that. That doesn’t need a college degree.”
“Even the damn janitors on the Nexus are geniuses.”
“Geniuses doing things we can do.”
“You’re not kidding? You want to go to the Nexus? Work off world? Pretend we’re qualified and jump on a transport intospace?” She reached out and cupped my face in her hands, her brows lifting in the middle with concern. “Did you get mugged and hit over the head on the way home?”
I swatted her hands away. “I’m not joking. I’m an adult and I’m so unhappy I could jump out the window right now.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why? It’s true. Are you happy? We’re just two bodies in a sea of bodies doing the same things over and over, just like everyone else. We’re lost and aimless and stuck and I hate it. I don’t want to end up being a number. And I also don’t want to fill my tiny purse with pills to make me think I love my life.”
