Page 85 of Across The Stars
“And the woman died. She was permanently comatose, which was why humans gave her to us. She was a donor, but it doesn’t change the fact that her body couldn’t adapt. I’m sorry, Captain, but as wonderful as everyone wants this to be, the truth of the matter is that a human body can’t handle a four-month pregnancy. The surge is a great thing—something that will give hope to so many of our people—but breeding is just unrealistic right now. It’s going to require much more precise research than a few blood samples.”
“So, if I were to get her pregnant, she could die,” I said outright.
“I cannot say with one hundred percent certainty. As a scientist, I would tell you that the embryo we impregnated the human specimen with was full valerian. If you created a half breed, things might be different. The reality is, we won’t know unless she is pregnant. Close observation could be all she would need.” She paused a moment and placed a hand on my arm. “But I can see that you don’t want to risk that and no one in their right mind would force you to.”
I looked at her, silently pleading for some kind of miracle solution, but such hopes were for fools. Valerians had been met with far too many hopes and not enough successes to be so gullible. I was logical and logically, odds were not good that Innifer and I could become mates.
It didn’t change the fact that I didn’t want to let her go. The thought tore me up inside and hearing the facts from Omira only cemented my feelings. I enjoyed her. I’d fought for her like she was mine and I would do it again.
I adored the woman…
“Captain,” Omira said, stepping in close. “Vahko. I remember Orli. I know what this decision is doing to you. So do yourself a favor and make it, one way or another. Make it, accept it, and find a way to cope with it. The gek are here and we all need you. Your people need you.”
I repeated the conversation to myself numerous times since Omira spoke with me in the laboratory. Innifer could very well die if she got pregnant. I was furious at myself for not even considering it the first time I mated with her. Imagining Innifer going through that with the question of whether or not she could handle it screamed in the back of my mind, chiding my stupidity. I knew that every time I kissed her—every time I looked at her—I would think of that.
I was a fool for not considering the possibilities before I filled her with my seed. Admittedly, I was relieved when we confirmed she was not pregnant. We didn’t understand things enough to make that step and I absolutely didn’t want to tether her to me if she didn’t want to be tied down and she didn’t seem like the type to want to be tied down. She wasn’t a science experiment. Against all my efforts, I’d grown affectionate toward her. The full reality of the surge hit me when we got the tests done and I began to imagine a life with her. She wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready. Humans and valerians weren’t ready to consider mating bonds. Our relationship was in its infancy which meant it was still fragile. So many things could go wrong.
“You’re impossible,” Salukh rebuked. “Impossible.”
He was pacing while I stood at the control panel on the Irlos, preparing to escort a transport to the trade station. A transport with Sam and Innifer inside. And at the trade station, a Nexus shuttle was waiting to take them back to the Nexus.
“We know she’s not pregnant. Now we can move on,” I argued. “And all of the data is on Valer now where our scientists can really get to the bottom of what happened between us and perhaps use it.”
“Impossible! You know, I thought you might come to your senses over these weeks, but you haven’t. You are the dumbest smart person I know.”
“How so?”
“You surged! You know, the further word spreads, the more valerians will lose their minds over this. How the great captain Vahko found a mate after so many cycles of our species being unable to and how he sent heraway.”
Word would spread about the dead human, too. About how human wombs could not carry valerian children and then all those hopes would be dashed. It was a delicate thing, hope. It could raise us above our handicap or create a whole new one.
“She’s human,” I said. “This isn’t her home. Carrying my child could kill her and she deserves to live first before that burden replaces the ones she left behind on Earth. We should respect that. If the wrong valerian groups find this information, it could be dangerous for her.”
“Yes, if you don’t claim her. Claim her as your mate, make it binding and no group can swoop in to put their own claims on her for the wrong reasons. You’d be there to protect her. Like mates should.”
“And do what? Take her to space? On our missions? This ship is my home.”
“It could be hers, too. Did you ask her about it? Did you find out if she even wanted to leave? She left Earth for the Nexus fora reason. And as far as breeding goes, we’ve never seen a hybrid before. Maybe shecouldcarry one.”
“She practically listed the reasons to leave herself. And she said she didn’t want kids. What’s the point of a surge if she doesn’t want offspring? The Thinning is our problem. Not hers or any other human’s. She was being forced into something she didn’t understand and I should have fully explained it to her in the beginning.” I lowered my voice, speaking under my breath. “I couldn’t do that to her.”
“You know what? We’ve been through this a hundred times.” He rubbed his temple. “I don’t know why I even try.”
“Neither do I.”
“You—”
“I am not the important one!” I barked. “She is and that makes her vulnerable. Valerians will want her. The gek clearly want her. She needs to be safe and I need to find a way to fix all this.”
“I understand—”
“Enough!”
With a frustrated groan, he turned and collapsed into the pilot chair. Salukh was the flirtatious type. The fact that Sam had not warmed up to him yet was a mystery to both of us. I could see why he didn’t understand my position. He would have abandoned his work for a female in the blink of an eye. I was not so quick to jump into that. Valerians didn’t know how to be romantic anymore. With multiple generations affected by the Thinning, duty had become ourcreed. Figuring out how to start families had become a strenuous science and not an emotionally uplifting journey. I was not the right man to have surged and it frustrated me to keep remembering that I had.
“You know,” Solukh sighed. “You do care about her.”
“Of course, I do. It’s hard not to when one of my hearts beats for her.”
