Page 86 of Across The Stars
“No, I mean youreallycare about her. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be bringing her back to the Nexus right now. You think it would be best for her. You think it will make her happier. Problem is, Innifer’s been moping around these past two weeks and you’ve just made yourself blind to it.”
“I can’t think of her right now,” I muttered. “There are things I need to do.”
“I’m telling you, a hybrid would be different. She could very well survive it.”
“That’s a risk I won’t take.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Solukh sighed. “And none of it has anything to do with Orli.”
My jaw clenched, my teeth grinding almost painfully at that brief, underhanded mention. I cut a sharp glare in Solukh’s direction and he glimpsed up like he was hoping I didn’t hear that last part. But how could I not? I was acutely aware of his opinions, even if I didn’t want to be.
“Sorry,” he said, still heated. “But—”
“Stop,” I snarled.
He bit his tongue, finally letting it go. For the moment, at least.
Once the Irlos had taken off with the shuttle close behind, it all became real again. Things would go back to the way they were, when Innifer wasn’t suffocating my thoughts, once we reached the trade station. I needed that. I needed the normalcy and the predictability, despite how my cock thought otherwise.
The mere thought of her did things to me and it was making me forget too much. Too many responsibilities. One quick exchange. That was all it would take. Give Innifer back to her people and continue scouting the quadrants and being the captain I was trained to be. That was all I needed to do.
During the whole trip, Salukh didn’t hold back his remarks about how stupid I was. I learned to zone him out in times whenhe was especially critical and speaking to himself intentionally loud enough for me to hear.
Once we arrived, I sat back, docking beside the transport shuttle. Salukh stood up to go escort the ladies out and I stayed put, pretending to go through ship diagnostics. Salukh was a pilot, though. There was no fooling him. He hissed a curse at me and walked off the bridge while I did my best to separate myself from the situation. If I didn’t, I was going to march off the Irlos, drag Innifer back to Sylos, and lock her somewhere where I could find her every time I returned from missions. The idea was silly and yet my irrational brain kept making up similar scenarios.
When Salukh returned sometime later, he made a point of sighing exaggeratedly while he fired up the ship’s engines.
“You’re a cold bastard,” he said. “Her words, not mine. I gave her your coms code, by the way. Might want to check your messages.”
I furrowed my brows, swiping through the control screen to find a recording in my private inbox. I feared it might be something to further break my self-control, but I opened it anyways.
“Fuck you, asshole,” was all Innifer’s voice said.
I closed my eyes with a low groan and then scowled at Salukh, who was sitting with a big grin on his face.
“This is a complicated circumstance that you really cannot form a valid judgement on seeing as you did not surge,” I said to him.
“I can judge all I want. It’s what I do. And according to my judgement, you like her.”
“I’ve told you. The gek want her. It’s better if she’s far away from me. Especially if I’m planning to search the galaxy for answers as to why the gek knew about us in the first place. There’s no space for Innifer beside me, Salukh.”
“There’s plenty.”
Slamming my fists on the control table, I stood and stormed off the bridge before I had to endure more. For a second, my hearts thundered in my chest like they thought I was going after Innifer. But I veered down a narrow corridor to my quarters, sliding the door closed. I found myself pacing, bouncing between two warring sides of my brain. On the one side, Innifer’s safety was everything. On the other, I wanted to find her, throw her over my shoulder, tie her to my bed, and take my fill. That animal side of me was foreign and I needed to smother it before it got the better of me.
I had to let her go. Our surge was being studied and that was what was really important. There would be others. Others who wanted it. Others who knew the risks before a bond was made. There needed to be discussions. Preparations. Trials.
I didn’t want the surge. I couldn’t afford it. I didn’t deserve it.
I didn’t deserve Innifer. Not yet.
Sjek, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want her.
40: Innifer
Being pardoned of my crimes wasn’t nearly as sweet a deal after a few days on the Nexus made me realize how much I missed Vahko. The asshole…
I shouldn’t have wanted to see him after the wonderful days we had together were followed by his cold rejection of me, but my stupid heart did. It was pathetic, I know.
