Page 66 of The Devil In Blue
Suddenly, I didn’t want him to know I was there. I watched him, standing quietly around the corner as he dismembered the pork. Then he removed the cloth apron he was wearing and draped it over a stool before he walked over to a wash bin to scrub his hands clean. His head turned in my direction and the way his body changed, I could envision a smile on his face, which soothed any tension I was feeling.
He turned fully toward me as he dried his hands.
“Briar,” he greeted. “You hungry?”
“Of course,” I admitted, slowly making my way toward the table where more cooking ingredients were spread out.
Just as I sat down, two women and an older man with a long, braided gray beard, entered the kitchen. They each wore work clothes, so I assumed I was finally seeing the kitchen workers. When they spotted us, they all paused, whatever chatty smiles they had on their faces slipping away.
“Oh,” one of the women said, her plump, freckled cheeks glistening in the orange firelight of the wood-burning stove. “Well, this is a surprise.”
The other two cooks watched Petris with mild suspicion, which raised my own, and then headed toward me with friendly smiles.
“You must be the lovely Briar,” the freckled woman said, her auburn hair pinned up into a tight bun so her slightly pointed ears could peek out from the curls. “I’m Tessa. This is Gordon and Audrey.”
I stood and greeted them all with a polite bow of my head. For a moment, all three of them just stood there… staring. Their smiles slowly fell again one by one they appeared to be saddened by something. Especially Gordon. Something in his eyes seemed on the verge of tears and it wounded me. Then Petris spoke up to break the silence.
“She’s hungry,” he said.
Tessa blinked like someone had clapped their hands in her face. “Of course. What would you like, dear?”
“Oh, I don’t really know,” I said.
Gordon let out a wheezing chuckle and headed toward the table where Petris had left the pig. He started to collect the parts and arrange them on cooking platters while Audrey began tending to the veggies.
“I think some boiled quail eggs and buttered rolls would do wonderfully,” Tessa said. “I’ll get that for you right away.”
Petris was at my side soon after Tess left it and I looked up at him with relief. The staff was kind, but they were still strangers and I didn’t want to think about speaking with strangers after the previous day I had.
“How are you feeling?” Petris asked.
“Better,” I said. It was a half-truth. I felt physically refreshed, but my mind was still in such a state of disrepair, I didn’t rightfully know how to act. “Is this food for something in particular? It looks like you’re making a feast.”
“The king requested it. He’d like to dine with you tonight. The stew is for everyone else in the palace.”
I stiffened a little. Seeing him again would allow me to thank him. After everything, I didn’t get the chance. Then again, he was beginning to trigger things in me that I wasn’t sure I was ready to face.
“Does that bother you?” Petris asked.
I blinked up at him. “No. Not in the way it might seem. I was a fool to run off like I did. And I was too stunned to thank him before he left.”
“You’d just killed a man,” he said. “I think you had the right to be stunned.”
The words hit me like a fist and I dropped my head, looking at my hands like they were still covered in blood.
“Forgive me. That came out colder than I intended,” Petris said. “Speaking of the incident, though,” he continued, being more careful with his words. “I can’t imagine what’s going through your mind. If dining with the king tonight is too soon, then—”
“No,” I cut him off. “Father Eli is dead. There is no sense in still letting him dictate my life. I don’t feel sorry for him nor am I sorry I did it. My whole life, I’ve wanted to burn the world in one way or another.” I let my volume drop to a whisper. “I’m capable of killing so many others and no one has ever known how easily I would swallow the guilt… if there was any to begin with.”
The words surprised me. I knew I had rage in me. I always had. To hear myself admit what I wanted to do with it—how bitter I’d become over a world I felt was a prison—was jarring.
A warm hand was on my face before I fell too deep down that hole. I looked up to meet the shadows of Petris’s eyes.
“Not one bone in my body blames you for what you did. I only wish I was there to see it.”
The dark implications of those words caught me off guard. But… I liked it. There was pride in his voice like what I’d done was an achievement. Maybe it was.
“Would you judge me if I said it felt good?” I asked, knowing full well that if he said yes, I wouldn’t care. “To watch him burn.”
