Page 84 of The Devil In Blue
“Stop,” I said through my teeth.
He shook his head. “Maybe I’m the villain. Maybe I’m just another cage.”
Fury overflowed in my chest, spilling over every muscle until my hands jutted out to collar his throat again. That time, I squeezed. I pressed my thumps into his windpipe, putting my weight into it and gritting my teeth with a growl. He didn’t struggle. His eyes remained on me, challenging and unblinking. I wondered how long he could go without breathing. He was not human. What could his body take that mine couldn’t?
When his eyes finally closed, I questioned if I was going to really hurt him, but I couldn’t let go. Not yet. I was enjoying being the one holding the reins for once. I pressed harder, watching his hands clutch the chains and squeeze.
And then I released him.
Taking Father Eli’s life was easy in a way. Years of suppressing the desire to avenge myself made me enjoy watching him burn to death at my feet. But the idea of killing Rune did not have the same effect. When I heard him suck in a strained breath, I sat back against his groin. I watched his chest heave up and down, but he didn’t struggle. Not once.
When his eyes opened and peered up at me, my hands were pressed to his chest.
“Don’t be a coward, Briar,” he rasped. “Hurt me.”
“Stop,” I shuddered.
“Why? You’re in control.”
“You’re not the one that destroyed me.”
“But I did nothing to stop it.”
“You didn’t even know where I was.”
“No.”
“Then how could you have stopped it?”
He shook his head. “I should have protected you. I know you’re angry that I didn’t.”
“I don’t even remember you. How can I blame you?”
He lifted his head, his jaw muscles pulsing. “I was here, loathing you, while they were cutting you up, inside and out.”
“Don’t.”
“While they were twisting your thoughts and slicing into your memories. Taking and taking from you. I could have looked harder. I would burn the world for you. I have told myself that so many times and yet I failed to burn it down to find you.”
“Stop!”
“Hit me! Punish me, Briar. Do it. Of all the men who have wronged you, I am the last still standing so hurt me.”
I swung, upset that my body was giving in to his demands. The sting came back twice as bad on my palm. That time, I didn’t feel good about it.
“Again,” he exhaled.
“You’re angry with yourself because you were a fool and believed a note over the woman you loved.” I hit him again, raising my voice. “You left me for dead. Worse. You left me to suffer!” I paused, my hands trembling and red. “Her… you leftherto suffer. I…” My thoughts became tangled and lost. Puzzle pieces were being shaken out of place. “But I’m not her,” I whispered. “I’m…”
“Don’t stop, Briar. Show me your anger.”
I looked into his eyes, letting those blue gems pull me back before I sunk too deep into the holes Southminster had left. I couldn’t go back. I didn’t want to. I needed to stay and that meant remaining in control. Not only of Rune but of myself.
And I didn’t want to beat my hands against him like others had beaten me. I much preferred the way he made me feel wanted. Safe. I cursed the room we were in, but for a moment, it disappeared.
“No,” I whispered.
“I am at your mercy. You can do any—”
