Page 69 of Crash Landing
Realizing my thirst, I walked to the pitcher and began to drink from the lip, not bothering to use a glass. I gulped down a third of it before I took a breath and set it aside. My stomach felt fuller than it had in days. I looked down at it, smoothing the fabric over my midsection, when I imagined it full and round.
Pregnancy was such a big focus for the valerians. It was strange considering how opposed to it most humans were. I’d always been told the physical act of sex was dirty. Immoral. Having children was almost shameful. Knowing that Saleuk and his people thought about it every day—hoped for it—made a lump form in my throat. I couldn’t imagine fearing the extinction of your own people.
There was a small part of me that enjoyed the idea of having children. It was something my younger self wanted until myolder self realized I couldn’t even take care of myself let alone a baby. And I would have been judged so harshly as I had judged others for having children in an economy that could barely support its adults. If I had a child, I would love it like no parent ever loved me. There was a twisted sense of redemption in the idea of nurturing a child and I couldn’t think of a single person that I would even consider reproducing with except Saleuk.
I could see myself with him. I could see myself accepting him into all the different parts of me. Children were important to valerians and he was important to me.
“What the fuck are you thinking, Sam?” I muttered to myself.
I brushed my hand over my stomach again, going over all the scenarios in my head. Pregnancy. Childbirth. A bond with a man I was growing great affection for.
More than affection. Affection was easy. What I was feeling for Saleuk was hard. Scary.
I started to pace, raking my fingers through my wet hair as I went over all of the possible futures I had with or without him. When I saw myself without him, I wanted to cry. When I saw myself with him, I was so overwhelmed with emotion, I couldn’t even breathe.
“If you find out you’re pregnant in a few days,” I muttered to myself. “What would you do?”
I’d be terrified.
And I’d be… elated.
Terrelated.
I thought about the family I never had and the shreds of the one I should have had but lost. I thought about how often I lost hope of ever finding one or ever making one. There was hope with Saleuk. At least, I thought there was.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was reading things the wrong way.
I needed to find him. I wasn’t sure if he was still at the medical building or if he had official business to take care of, but I would ask around if I had to. It had been roughly six hours since we’d come back and I was only going to get restless without him.
Barefoot, I headed to the door and slapped my hand to the control panel. The door slid open and standing in front of me like I’d manifested him into existence was Saleuk.
“Saleuk,” I breathed.
“Sam.”
He paused, putting his hands behind his back in some kind of formal stance. Looking at his clothing, I noticed he was in another uniform, but rather than his skin-tight suit with the blue veins, he was wearing some kind of natural fiber two-piece that was well tailored to his slender, athletic figure. It didn’t make him any less handsome.
“My test results came back,” he said.
“Already?”
He nodded. “Fertility regeneration is moving slowly. Only 6% of my seed appears to be viable, but it’s progressing.”
“Sooo, the chances of us…” I stopped, waving my hand between us. “I mean, the odds that you got me pregnant are slim, right?”
“Yes.”
We just stood there looking at each other for another moment, but with each passing second, the sight of him—the smell of him—was driving me crazy. He stoked a strange fire inside me that only he could control.
“I should let you rest. It’s been a long few days for both of us.” He said, inclining his head in a fashion that was far too formal for my liking. Then he turned gracefully on his heels and started to walk away.
“Saleuk,” I spoke up.
He looked back as if he was hoping I’d say something.
“If you’re still shooting blanks, for the most part, then we…” I trailed off.
He pivoted slowly back toward me and took a slow step, waiting. Heat coursed through my blood and sunk to the apex of my thighs, making my breath quiver.
