Page 47 of The Withering Dawn
I let out a deep breath like I’d only just remembered how to relax as I stepped closer to the edge of the pond. I could see the bottom from where I stood, all covered in stones and sunken logs. The dormant, strangled part of me that wanted to feel that agonizing change pulled at my wounded soul, begging to be unleashed, but just the thought of changing made my palms sweat. The distant memories of watching my legs break and bend and fuse together into one, thick appendage haunted me. I’d only done it once or twice before my mother had left my life and the brothers of the Order forbade the shift from ever happening again.
Staring at the cool, inviting water, I wondered if I could endure it now after many years enduring things I was certain were far worse. I could never be complete without knowing all of myself. Of that, I was certain.
Glancing over my shoulder like someone might walk through the trees at any moment, I prepared my body and my mind for what might follow in the next few moments. I didn’t want to be afraid. Fearful was how the Order wanted me and I was no longer theirs.
Slowly, I started to strip out of my dress, peeling the thin material off my shoulders until the whole thing fell to the ground. I stepped out of it and then picked it up, draping it neatly over a large stone within reach of the water if I needed to put it on quickly. Taking a deep breath of the calming aromas in the clearing, I stepped closer to the pool, letting my toes touch the water.
If I could stomach hard punishment, starvation, and degradation, I could stomach the part of me that was of the sea. The part of me that my mother gave me.
I inched closer until the water covered my feet.
I was a siren. The sea and the salt were in my blood. Yri were not meant to fear it.
I walked on, sinking into the pond until the water surrounded my legs.
“I am of the sea,” I whispered, trying to get control of my trembling hands.
The deepest part of the pool was right in front of me, beckoning me forward. I slipped a little deeper, closing my eyes.
“I am of the sea,” I whispered again.
Sharp, shooting pain lanced across my ribs first, stealing my breath. I gritted my teeth, enduring. It was no worse than when Jacob took a wooden cane to the backs of my thighs.
But then the pain radiated downward and I felt the terrible, gnawing sensation in my muscles. My bones. I felt my joints separating. Cracking. I felt my skin stretching. Splitting. I let out a breath on a whimpering cry as I fell forward into the water, submerging myself completely. The water choked me, filling my mouth and throat and flooding my still-human lungs. I writhed under the surface, trying to push the water out through the gills that opened between my ribs, but it was so hard to focus when my legs felt as if they were being skinned by a dull knife. I screamed, my voice muffled by the surrounding water as I sunk to the floor of the pool. Opening my eyes, I saw nothing but blood clouding my vision. My blood.
My bones continued to break and split and reform anew, pushing through changing muscle until my legs were no more and in their place, a long, red tail twice the length of the legs I once had. It was so much bigger than I remembered. The scales were fine, a mix of copper and crimson with fins to match. And finally, as I stared at my unfamiliar bottom half, I felt my gills open up. I breathed deep, laying flat on the bottom of the pool staring up at the light glistening above me through thinning clouds of blood. My hair, barely distinguishable from the red water, floated up around my head, putting a rouge filter on everything.
For a long time, I lay there, feeling myself in my new body. The body I’d been born with. It was so familiar and yet so horrifyingly foreign. I felt both liberated and trapped by it. And when I finally started to move my tail, the unbound power in my lower muscles almost startled me. The pool was far too small for me to move as freely as I wished, but it was the price I had to pay for fearing the sea too much. I coiled around, my tail following my torso’s movements likean eel. Every rough surface of the rocks could be felt down its flexible length, but it was almost too sensitive. I shuddered at the strange sensations, reaching back to run my fingers over the smooth texture.
Gods, I had done it. Whispers of the pain it took to change forms still tingled along my spine, but I’d done it. A large part of me was proud of that, despite that I was in a small pond rather than under the salty waves from which I was born. It was something.
It was more than I’d done the day before.
Now, the idea of changingback was toying with my mind…
When we returned to the beach, I saw Nikolas lounging on the sand, hands behind his head as if he was teetering on the edge of sleep. I scanned the beach for Aeris and when I didn’t see her, I walked up to Nikolas and kicked his boot, waking him from his meditation.
“Where is she?” I asked, dropping the bag of supplies next to him.
Nikolas turned, pointing toward the trees. He’d picked up a few hand signals over the years, most of which I could understand, and gave me the gestures for “water” and “swim.” I stared at the trees, frowning.
I bent to pull the dress out of the sack of supplies, rolling it in one hand.
“Load everything on the boats to take it all to the Amanacer,” I ordered, marching toward the trees.
My boots crunched through the thick foliage as I listened for freshwater. It was a bit of a trek, but eventually, I heard the soothing melody of a lightly running waterfall and hiked toward it.
The moment I cleared the trees and saw the pond with the thin, winding stream flowing into the crystal water, I stopped. On the bank was Aeris’s dress draped over a large stone. I stood, waiting, watchingthe water for movement. When I could see no traces of her, I ventured closer, scanning the foliage around the pool for her fair skin and vivid red hair, but still, I saw nothing.
Then, as I neared the water, I spotted it. A long shape in the pond swimming gracefully toward the bank, tresses of silk trailing behind her head. She breached the surface, unaware of my presence, and lifted herself from the water to reach for her garments. Red designs blushed down her arms and along her belly and breasts, faintly contrasted to her otherwise pale complexion. The same blush traced her high cheekbones and the edge of her hairline.
As she reached for her clothes, her peripheral caught sight of me. She turned her head, her green eyes paler and more feral than I remembered. She sucked in a sharp, startled breath and dropped back into the water, putting quick distance between us with one beat of her long tail. I walked slowly the rest of the way to the water’s edge, peering in to see her eel-like lower half where I was used to seeing two limbs. It was at least twice the length of her legs with a ridge of fins on her hips. It was the color of a muted sunset, all crimson and copper depending on how the light hit it. And at the very end was a narrow, leaf-shaped fin that swayed slowly from side to side.
I slowly draped the new dress on top of her old one and crouched down at the edge of the water, perching my elbow on my knee.
“So, this is where you’ve been,” I said.
She folded her arms shyly over her breasts as if I’d never seen them. Her sharp canines peaked timidly from her parted lips like she was looking at a stranger.
