Page 129 of Enchanted Crown
I moved to kiss her on the cheek. “Then merely tell me where to glue. I will help you. Whatever it is you need.” I lifted her, taking the spot in the chair and keeping her on my lap. “What can I do?”
“More of this,” she answered honestly. “I am exhausted, Keir.”
I knew it wasn’t just sleep. She was tired of the war within Dra Skor stemming from the war within her family. And I knew all too well what a burden like that was to carry. “Es, you have nothing to feel this guilt over, though. You did not do this. This was not started by your hands, it will only end by them.”
She was quiet a moment. “Do you ever feel guilt for having to kill your own father?”
I inhaled deeply. “No. I knew it needed to be done. And that was before I fully understood what he’d done in his quest toconquer and be the most powerful Enchanted in the realm.” I let out that breath. “The power and greed consumed him. I’d like to think the father of my childhood would have even understood what we did. The threat we had to remove.”
I ran my hand down Esta’s long, curled hair. “That does not mean it was easy. I knew it needed to be done. But there are days I still mourn. Not necessarily for the man he was in the end, but for the man he could have been had he made some different choices.”
She tucked her head into my collarbone and neck. “You are a good man.”
“Who is married to the strongest of women,” I offered honestly. “I know today you will not feel it, but I am here, right here with you every step of the way.”
The long line tospeak to the loved ones was becoming shorter. Nana stood off to the side. Apparently when she went to stand with Lennix’s wife, Morana’s younger brother, Oziel, had told her she was not welcome in the receiving line.
I was fairly certain it broke the old woman’s heart.
Esta stood with her parents and Jagen a short distance from Nana, while Emric, Dex, John, and I stood behind them. I had unfortunately been to a few Dra Skor funerals at this point and found this one held a sharpness in the air. Though people were giving their condolences, it wasn’t really a secret at this point what Morana had done to Dra Skor. Sending off the traitor of Dra Skor’s father came with the aftertaste of regret. It was hard for the people of Dra Skor to look upon Lennix Mallick’s family with respect.
Reyald and Lennix had let their differences fester. In never coming to terms with their own issues, they had passed it on to their children. Either knowingly or unknowingly.
Keir, can you please go stand with Nana,Esta sent me down our bond.She shouldn’t be alone, and I don’t want to start something by standing right next to her.
Of course.
I quickly told John where I was going and only Dex shadowed me as I moved to Nana Mallick’s side.
“Just me,” I told her as she spun to see who approached. “Should the cane feel twitchy again.”
Her lips smirked. “Afraid the twitch is all gone today.”
I put a hand to her arm. “Isolde, I am sorry you are not in that receiving line. And I am sorry for your loss.”
She patted my hand on her arm. “Thank you.” She paused as she looked to Lennix’s body lying on the pyre. “It is not supposed to be this way.”
“Your sons’ differences are not your fault,” I reminded her.
She cocked her head. “No, but I am somewhat at fault. For not nipping things in the bud quicker. For allowing them to become estranged to begin with. I did the best I knew how, I thought that giving them each space was needed, but it was still not enough. And that is the worst sort of guilt.”
I considered that for a moment. “Sibling rivalry over a crown is not a new sort of friction,” I told her gently. “It happens often.”
“So often it makes me wonder in my old age if the Agrians don’t have it right after all.”
“Because the king and queen choose the next king and queen out of the pool of heirs, disregarding birth order?”
She gave me a nod and leaned in as she said, “Esta still would have been queen, in that regard. I fought for her to rule regardless of her gender. I just always feared with Lennix and Reyald that one would kill the other over the crown. It should never come to that, yet it has trickled down a generation and here we still are. Maybe it should have gone to Amaya instead.”
She had originally said it would still be Reyald. But after thismess, maybe she was reconsidering that. “Yet Esta is queen now. For this exact moment in time. For this unrest. And she is the queen Dra Skor needs.”
Nana gave me a small smile. “You are right, of course. Forgive my melancholy mood. I’m just frustrated by what became of my sons. The jealousy and greed when both were loved, both were given far more than most.”
I turned to look at her. “Speaking from someone who has had to bury a family member recently, can I just say that it is okay to cling to the good memories and let go of the bad? There had to have been good memories of Lennix. You are allowed to cling to those in your grief. You are allowed to grieve both the son you had and the decisions you wish he could have made but did not. You are allowed to feel relief that maybe in death he found the peace he never held in life.”
A tear slipped out of Nana’s eye and rolled down her cheek.
I didn’t know what to do. I’d rather her beat me with her cane than stand witness to this. These Mallick women were terrifyingly strong willed and stubborn. To see them break down? It was unnatural.
