Page 134 of Enchanted Shadows
I turned my attention back to Kessara. I’d thought she’d been emotionally burned out before the attack even happened. How could a single day be so successful and also such a mess?
And possibly the worst part to swallow: that Calix had a point. Though married, we weren’t bonded. If we had been, it would have been far easier to help her back there. He saw that as her secretly longing for him, but in actuality it was for me and the fact thatJorah had insisted we not, in case my soulmate was out there somewhere.
Guilt was consuming me. What if I had found her and just failed her?
“This is all my fault,” I said quietly to her sleeping form. “I had Keir and Zaire land us in that clearing because I wanted a moment alone to speak to you. It almost got us killed. It won’t happen again.”
CHAPTER 42
Aweek of being home on Wylan soil, and though I’d taken a day to recover upon our arrival, I sat in on a ton of meetings about the plans to return Artem. We all thought it best both Zavatari siblings not go back to Agria at the same time, so Amos and I would personally deliver Artem back to the queen. The morning after next.
Kessara was recovered from her burnout, though I’d been an absolute ass in demanding she eat every few hours. While she might be recovered from the way we’d had to fight our way out of Agria, I wasn’t.
Not even a little.
It’d been my actions which had put us in that place. A place to be attacked. And even in the heat of the moment, my brain was so fogged by the need to protect her, that I hadn’t even thought of running my power within the ground until it had almost been too late.
I’d messed up. Royally. Pun intended.
I slipped into my room to find Kessara already asleep. As shehad been the last two nights. While I’d been busy planning the trip to return Artem, she’d been equally busy spending time with her brother and some of the team.
I quickly showered and slid in next to her, ready to further torment myself.
What the hell was I doing?
I was married to a princess. One I had almost gotten killed. My skin ached to hold her against my own. I’d done the unthinkable and fallen for my wife. My wife who deserved to be free. Who deserved someone much more worthy than me.
She rolled over and reached for me as my heart cracked further.
I brushed a kiss to her hand and got back out of bed, throwing the covers back. I couldn’t do this. It wasn’t pretending anymore. And now that I was admitting to myself where my feelings were, I needed to back off. Way off.
Princess Kessara Astra Zavatari didn’t ask me to fall in love with her. But it’d happened all the same.
We were married in order to keep her safe, in order to keep her ex at bay, in order for her to be able to stay in Wylan with her brothers. And yet, if I was truly honest with myself, I knew there had been some feelings from the very start.
I wanted her in the mornings, sleepy and snarky. I wanted her in the evenings, tired from her day. In every space, in every capacity, she’d invaded me. She’d taken over my mind first, and now she was rooted into my chest. I didn’t want to remove her from those places, but I feared I’d have to before things went any further.
As I moved to look out the balcony, her groggy voice said, “Owen. Come to bed.”
“In a moment,” I lied. I waited until her breathing evened out and she went back to sleep and then like a coward, I fled.
I couldn’t sleep beside the woman I loved and not touch her, not chase away these demons which plagued me.
So I left, walking across the castle in nothing more than sweatpants and headed to my old room, the one I had stayed in on the delegate side of the castle when I’d been Jorah’s guard.
Sleep was elusive there, too.
And after only a few hours of restless sleep, I woke to a pounding on my door, followed by the queen of Wylan barging right on in.
“What in thehellare you doing?”
“Good morning,” I told her.
“Owen,”she hissed.
“Jorah.”
She sat at the foot of my bed. “I demand you tell me what is wrong with you. You haven’t been the same since you returned home from Agria. You told us what happened, but apparently not all of it. I’ve given you space, but all you’re doing is moping around in it. My hormones are raging and when I woke up this morning to feel you were across the castle, I decided giving you space wasn’t doing you any favors.”
