Page 146 of Enchanted Shadows
I turned, looking at the queen of Wylan. Krew had forced her to stay up in their rooms on lockdown, not trusting the castle to be safe until Calix and Bram were found. Still, she’d come down a little bit ago, refusing to hide away.
I could see the apology all over her face. More than I could see it, I could feel it. So I wasn’t all that surprised when she said, “I’m sorry. They came in through the balcony doors. Startled us both. She—” she cut off and a tear quickly trailed down her cheek, “she tossed me in her shadows and hid me behind your closet door. She wouldn’t let them find me.”
“Sounds like her.”
Jorah continued, “I’m sorry I cut you off, locked down our bond. I was foolishly hoping we’d have it handled, and they’d find Calix and Bram. I didn’t want to worry you. I should’ve told you right away what was going on.”
She should have, but I didn’t derive joy in telling her “I told you so.” Not in this. After a beat or two, I added, “I’m doing my best to lock it down now, to not let my emotions down our bond.”
She held up a hand. “Don’t. You don’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I do. These emotions are heavy enough to carry on my own.” And before she could cry another tear, I said, “I’m going to go shower. Wait for news.”
To my already retreating back she said, “I think you’re right. She’s trying to lure them. And we might be only delaying whatever game they’re all playing. She’s smart, Owen.”
Kessara was smart as hell, but I had also experienced even inher strength, her struggle under the attacks of Calix’s shadows. I hoped like hell that by pulling teams back a bit, I was giving her space to get free, not giving Calix an opportunity to further hurt her.
I headed for my room, without delay.
There I waited. I waited until I started the shower water, turning it to a scalding hot. I had the door shut, but I waited until I put up a sound barrier around the bathroom, specifically the shower. And I waited until I had locked down and froze that connection between Jorah and me, willing that nothing more from this night would she feel down our bond. I waited until I was free of my clothes, free of the day’s weight.
Then and only then, did I slide to the floor and let it out.
How had the sun dared to shine so brightly all day long when my heart was shattered so thoroughly? That the organ could keep working and keep me upright beyond its breaking point was a marvel. A resiliency I wished I didn’t know I possessed.
As the water washed over me, becoming one with the tears that tore from me, I let out a yell. My fist pounded against the shower wall as I screamed again. I wanted to shatter the shower itself, but instead found myself slumping to the ground.
Without Kessara, I was but a shadow of myself, incapable of being at full capacity without her.
With a fierce passion I hated this hollow feeling growing within me. Every passing hour of her disappearance made it spread a little farther, tore a little more hope from me. How much more of this agony until it consumed me whole, and I was left nothing but a shell?
Where. Was. She.
CHAPTER 47
The castle workers were decorating for Winter Solstice. While I understood what day the calendar read, that they had delayed it as long as possible, I was immediately irritated. I couldn’t think of celebrating anything right now. Not without knowing my wife was alive. Not without seeing her with my own two eyes.
Boxes and crates were being pulled out. A massive fake green tree Jorah insisted on, as she refused to cut down a single real tree from the healing forest. Strands and strands of sparkling lights. Glittery balls and stars. And those stupid little atrociously glittered whisps that clung to absolutely everything.
It was a time for quiet reflection and hope. The ending of a year and starting of a new. And all I felt was rage building. I couldn’t even see the decorations without wanting to kill something, namely two someones, Calix and Bram. And I knew that even with Kessara missing, even with the castle still on lockdown, the wall still closed while we searched for all three of them, time was still passing.
It wasn’t really the castle workers’ fault they were decorating,and I didn’t necessarily resent them for it, but I did resent anything designed to be joyful and perky when I was clearly feeling the opposite. They could cover every square inch of this castle in holiday decorations, and I would still feel the same.
By sunrise I had checked in with the team who stood guard last night. They had heard the wolves moving in the night, but that was it. It had snowed a light dusting that tossed everything in white. The forest looked like a powdered dusting that Jorah used on a cookie recipe of hers, patches of snow around patches of cleared path. But all that made me think of was how cold Kessara must be.
The truth of it was that I had now slept two nights not knowing where my wife was. Not knowing if she was gravely injured or even alive. And the darkest thought that came to me, one which I flat out refused to give a voice, was that small what if.What if Calix and Bram had already managed to escape with her?
No.
There was a quiet yet smothering war waging within me, beneath my skin. One in which I refused to give up hope but felt the weight of the situation all the same. I had been trained to think through all these possible scenarios, I had been trained to assume the worst. But when my wife was the main character in the scenario, I found I couldn’t.I wouldn’t.
“Owen.”
I spun from grabbing a muffin out of the kitchens at my sister’s voice. “Wren.”
She took me in, head to toe. “You don’t always have to be tough you know.”
I let out a derisive snort. “Tough? If this has showed me anything, it’s how I am entirely the opposite.”
