Page 67 of Love Me in the Dark
“You cope better than me. I couldn’t do this without you,” she mumbled.
“What did I tell you when you finally admitted how bad things had got after Mother died? I said that you didn’t have to cope alone. That’s why I came back. I hate that we lost Father so soon after losing her, but we’re going to start a new life.” I cupped her cheeks and wiped the tears. “You are strong, Lina, but together we are stronger.”
I missed our parents, but I’d learnt to hide my emotions working as a nurse. Plus, there was so much still to do for the move. I was the eldest and had been to the UK before. Lina was sheltered and a little naïve, often painting or sculpting in her own little world. I had to be the tough one to keep us together.
“Remember why we got these tattoos.” I touched the butterfly tattoo on my thigh.
We’d got matching ones to symbolise our new lives. We’d always planned to come to the UK together, as there were so many better employment options there.
“I am excited, but then I feel guilty about that,” Lina admitted.
“They always wanted us to be happy. Think of all those big UK galleries where you could sell your paintings. Then you’ll be rich and you can look after my old lady bones.”
“You are only twenty-eight.” She rolled her eyes.
“Some days, it feels like fifty-eight.”
She smiled a watery smile and smoothed her hair down.
Lina had a cleaning job lined up, and I had another hospital nursing job in a different area of the country from where I worked before. We had temporary accommodation organised, and once we were set up, Lina could paint and start to get the art out there. This company took care of everything, and we’d be travelling at the end of the week.
“Tell me something you are looking forward to.” I gripped her upper arms, determined to keep the hope on her face alive.
When we were younger, we used to play thought experiments. Imagine if you lived somewhere else, or imagine if you had unlimited money, and so on.
“Seeing the countryside,” she said.
I sighed. “It is beautiful there. Not quite as much as where our grandparents lived.”
“I used to love the summers there. So many things to paint.”
“There’s not much outside this window to inspire you.” I gestured at the opposite block of flats.
“I don’t know. If you look closely enough, you’ll always find beauty.”
That was the main difference between us. Lina always saw the best in situations—the beauty, even in our flat, housed inside a post-communist design, twin tower, whose multicoloured facade had faded into washed-out pastels, and graffiti lined the inner corridors.
“I think moving somewhere new will inspire me.” A radiant smile broke out across her face, and seeing a little of her grief lift was nice.
I vowed we’d find a new, better life together.
2
Angelina
The stressed-out vibesrolling off Rada were obvious, and it wasn’t just because of the flight, which turned out to be something she was afraid of. My hand was still sore from how tightly she gripped it during take off and landing. I didn’t complain, though, because she never leaned on me for anything, and if my hand had to be crushed to help her, then I was okay with that.
But frustratingly, she still acted like I was twelve years old, pretending everything was fine when it wasn’t. She seemed to forget that while she worked in the UK, I looked after both our parents and the flat. I might not have been as worldly as her, but I wasn’t stupid.
“What is wrong?” I asked her again as the minibus pulled away from the curb.
I still had to think about the sequence of my English words sometimes, although Rada told me they sounded fine.
“It’s nothing.” She picked at her nail polish and crossed her legs a few times.
“Just tell me.”
“I don’t like they’ve taken our passports,” she whispered, and unease rippled up my spine.
