Page 42 of It Started with a Sunset
He crouched down and looked at the rocks on the trail. He picked out a few that were flat and smooth and smaller than his palm, then stood up. With one in his hand, he pulled his arm back and twisted his wrist just the way his dad had shown him when he was a kid, then sent the rock sailing out into the lake. The first one did a tiny little skip over the water then plunked down into the lake.
He adjusted for the second one and managed to send it skipping three times before it fell into the water. He realized that what he’d just done—trying, then adjusting and trying again—was exactly the “Ready, fire, aim” concept that Summer had told him weeks ago that had seemed so wrong at the time. He drew back his arm and sent the next one sailing and it skipped four times.
He wished he could do the same in his relationship with Summer. Try again, adjust, and do better. To figure out where things went wrong and not do that again. To be more perfect the next time around. That was always his goal in life, of course, but it meant more to him to be perfect for her. He wanted to be the kind of person who was worthy of her love.
He could tell that something at his parents’ house on Friday night had bothered her, but he didn’t know what, exactly. At first, he’d wondered if his family had scared her off. But Summer loved meeting new people and she was the least judgmental person he knew, so he dismissed that as the reason.
So, of course, his mind went to all the stories that were told about him. They had to have made her realize how imperfect he was and that no matter how hard he strived for perfection, he fell short and wasn’t actually good enough for her.
But really, it had felt like she’d been slowly pulling away all week, long before she met his family.
He looked out at the lake, the surface shining and shimmering in the sun, the calmer parts near the shore on the far side reflecting the yellows and oranges and reds of the trees at the shore, and his mind started to feel less full.
But the absence of the swirling thoughts just made the emotions settling in his gut feel more pronounced. He and Summer had been spending so much time together that it made her absence feel more pronounced, too.
He missed her. He wanted to be near her. To talk with her and hear her opinions about everything under the sun. To witness the way she made everyone around her feel happy. Loved. Included. Like they had come home whenever they were around her. He wanted to joke with her. To hear her laugh. To see the way her eyes crinkled whenever she thought of a great plan. To walk hand-in-hand with her. To kiss her goodnight at the end of each day.
She made him feel like he was home around her, too. And now that he knew what that was like, he didn’t want to ever live without it.
He picked up another rock and sent it sailing across the lake, bouncing an incredible six times before it plunged into the lake.
That was what he wanted. A redo. A chance to make everything perfect for Summer.
Chapter Nineteen
Summer
For the first time in the six years she’d been an ambassador plus the three years she’d been an Admissions Recruiter, Summer walked into the Student Center building, headed for the Welcome Center, and wished she didn’t have to be there.
She wasn’t close to having a panic attack at any moment like she’d been on Saturday night, but she was still experiencing dizziness and a quivering stomach and didn’t feel like herself at all. If only today was a day she was scheduled to do a college presentation in one of the high schools in her recruitment area. Or a day when she could just call in sick.
But the next Aquamoose Tracks was this weekend. Although many of the preparations that she and Brock had done for the first one carried through to the five others for this year, it was still a massive event and there were plenty of things that had to be done each time they put on the event. And today, she and Pavani were meeting together to go over all the last-minute things and there was no way she could miss it.
She took a deep breath, put on a smile that said everything was great and happy as usual, and walked into the Welcome Center lobby. Alejandro and Paige were behind the counter at the far end, so she asked in her most chipper voice, “Are you ready for our morning meeting?” Then they headed into the big meeting room where Jessa, McKay, and Takeshi were already waiting. Hopefully, none of them would notice the fact that this was the first time she had ever been the last to arrive.
Or that she couldn’t joke around with them as usual. All she could manage was a short meeting that covered only what they needed to know to work that morning.
As they all headed out to their assigned tasks, Jessa held back. “Are you okay?”
Summer realized exactly how on edge she was when the simple question nearly choked her up. She swallowed down the emotions and nodded. “I’m good.”
The look on Jessa’s face told her she wasn’t fooled, but instead of pushing Summer, she just gave her a quick hug and said, “I hope your day gets better.”
She thanked Jessa, headed back into the lobby, and went through the doorway leading to the Welcome Center offices. Through the glass front of Brock’s office, she could see that he was at his desk. She didn’t make eye contact, but from the corner of her eye, she could see him sit up straighter, turn in his chair, and move a foot forward like he was about to stand up. Hopefulness seemed to color every aspect of his posture.
But when she didn’t make eye contact still, his posture changed to a slump of disappointment. She wanted to go to him and grab his hand and lift him up and erase all the sadness or defeat or disappointment he felt. But the fear inside her stopped her cold and instead, she went into her own office and shut her door and felt like the world’s worst person for doing it.
She turned on her laptop and the second monitor it was connected to and stared at her screens, trying to get her mind to focus on the dozens of tasks she needed to complete today. It was enough that she’d have been running all day just to get them all done on a day when she had all the focus in the world. She didn’t know how she would get through today when she couldn’t even figure out what the first thing should be.
She allowed herself a quick glance in Brock’s direction, where she could see only his left leg through the glass. It was such a small part of him, but she was so drawn to it, like it was pulling at her heart, reminding her how much her heart felt that it belonged next to his. He really was the perfect guy.
But she didn’t know how to shake the fear that she had been carrying around with her. Fear wasn’t an emotion she dealt with often and if she did ever feel it, she just found friends to hang out with until the feeling went away. That wasn’t going to fix the problem this time, though, and she didn’t have a clue how to deal with the emotion.
Summer hadn’t told Pavani what was going on with her. Pavani must’ve guessed that something was up, though, because even though Summer hadn’t left her office a single time since that morning and even ate a lunch of a stale granola bar and a package of trail mix that she’d found at the back of one of her drawers so she didn’t have to leave, Pavani came into her office at 2:00 for their meeting carefully, like she was approaching an injured animal. “You doing okay?”
She pasted her smile back on. “Yep! Let’s get this thing planned!”
Smile or not, she couldn’t focus on any of the things they were trying to go through. Eventually, Pavani set her pen on her tablet and leaned back in her chair, arms crossed. “Are you going to tell me what’s up?”
