Page 49 of Spies Don't Fall for Their
Ismile, remembering whatIsaid after he made a similar comment at that same meeting—Idon’t know.Itlooks likeIdo a pretty good job.IguessI’dbeen right.Iwould claim this victory, revel in the fact thatIcan get under this man’s skin.IfonlyIcould be the kind of woman who is capable of it all.
Youare not her,Ihear echoing through my thoughts.
Idon’t think this night is going to be easy for either of us.
CHAPTER 20
UNDERCOVER ALARM BELLS
LEDGER
Iam dreaming.It’ssometime in the future becauseZoeandIare married.Eitherwe aren’t on missions right now or we both are on the same one, because in the dream,Iam waking up with her in my arms.Iknow it’s not real, because we aren’t arguing and becauseZoeherself said she isn’t the marrying type.Shedoesn’t believe that intelligence operatives evencanget married.Idon’t think that’s true at all, but maybe things are different forCIAoperatives.
Iwant to stay in the dream for as long asIcan because it feels so good to wake up with her in my arms.Thisdream just feels so real.Almostas ifIcan feel her head on my shoulder, her hair against my arm, her skin under my fingertips.
Thedream starts to fade, andIreach for it, trying to pull it back.Myown thoughts swirl in and out with the dream asIthink of yesterday.Ihad been meandering onand off the path of falling forZoethis whole mission.Whenshe stopped to help the little girl yesterday instead of completing our objective,Ifelt likeI’dstepped solidly on the path of falling for her.
Now, though, asIlie with her in my arms,Irealize thatI’vefully fallen for her.Allthe way.Completely.
Muchtoo soon, sleep starts to flee, andI’mbeing pulled from the dream world to the real world.Butjust like in my dream,Istill feel her in my arms.
Myeyes fly open, andImust jerk as they do because hers fly open at almost the same time.Ourfaces are only inches apart, her head on my shoulder, my arm around her.
Weeach let out a sound somewhere between a yelp and a squeal, and we both jerk back, putting some space between us.Zoeis staring at me with her eyes wide, breathing heavy, a look of shock on her face thatI’msure mirrors my own.Ittakes a moment for our breathing to calm, our heart rates to slow, and for our recently asleep brains to register that there is no danger here, only awkwardness.
IguessIshould be grateful that at least she didn’t reach for a weapon.
Theawkwardness is fully present, though.Imay have had some realizations, butIam not ready to voice those.Notwhen we have a mission to complete in just a couple of hours.
Aftera beat,Zoesays, “So… we pretend this never happened?”
“Nothinghappened,”Isay, throwing the blanket off me. “I’mgoing to get in the shower.”
Ihead into the bathroom quickly, mostly so thatIcan have a moment alone to process that dream and the feeling of waking up withZoein my arms.I’mnot sure it helps, though, because ten minutes later,Ifinish showering and head back into our shared room, having figured out nothing more thanIknew whenIwalked in.AllIknow is thatIliked it.Ilike the thought of us being together.AndthatI’mquite possibly in love withZoe.Andby “quite possibly,”Imean “definitely.”
Butalso,I’mfairly certain it can’t happen.
Aswe move about the space, we are both eyeing each other, andIfigure she’s trying to guess howIfeel as much asIam trying to guess how she feels.Thingshave been changing while we’ve been here.Iknow we’ll need to talk about it at some point, butIdon’t feel likeIshould push it yet because it might just make her run.
Aftertalking withZoelast night, it occurred to me that she might not have much experience with feeling loved.Maybelike with most new things, it’s hard at first.Orscary.Or,Idon’t know, uncomfortable,Iguess.
Andmaybe she’s not interested at all, butIget the sense that she is.Andif she is interested in both me and a relationship— which are bigifs— she’ll likely want to move slowly.That’sokay.Irealize that she’s the only womanI’vetruly been dreaming about ever sinceMoldova.I’mnot going anywhere.Ican wait as long as she needs.
Wespend the early morning preparing for the mission.Zoedoes a lot of practicing saying things inMonaLiza’svoice andBritishaccent, trying to get it just right.Tryingto get a voice right on your own is hard because your voice always sounds different to you than it does to the people around you.Sousually, whenI’malone,Ido a lot of recording my voice and playing it back untilIget it right.ButsinceI’vespent a good amount of time withElizaandZoecan practice on me, the process goes so much more quickly.
Zoeapplies the facial pieces that make her face the same shape asEliza’s, and then she gets to work on the makeup.TheselfieItook yesterday withElizais a big help in getting it right.ThenZoepracticesEliza’swalk untilIswear that it’s actuallyElizain the room with me.
“Okay,Ithink we’re ready,”Isay asIput on the blazer that is the finishing touches of myTobiasRennertoutfit. “Let’sgo make history.”
Wepack up the rest of our things because one way or another, we have to be done with this leg of our mission today.Wegrab our bags, and as we are about to head out the door,Zoepauses and turns back to the room. “Areyou ready to leave ourFortressofSolitudeon aBudget?”
Ichuckle and look at the space, too. “Withouta doubt.It’samazing how much can happen in a room that feels like a secret agent’s fallout shelter.”
Damjandrives us toSavovic’smansion, drops me off out front, then drivesZoearound to the back employees’s entrance.He’llgo off to hide on a nearby street where he won’t be noticed and wait.He’son comms with both me andZoe, along withPackstonandKella, butIsuspect it’ll mostly beZoe,Damjan, and me doing any talking.
Iknock on the front door, a bag holding my tablet over my shoulder, andMilalets me in.Shehas been invaluable throughout this mission.Wetold her we needed to arrive at a time when there weren’t any last-minute private showings going on before the auction tomorrow since we’ll need to be in that room.Shealso let us know whenElizawould be in a meeting withSavovicto discuss the final details for the auction.Wecan’t exactly have twoElizasrunning into each other.
Milaleads me to a small room toward the back of the mansion whereIcan hardline connect to their network and, with the help ofKella, who is remotely accessing the system,Itap into the security feeds soIcan keep watch for anything not going according to plan.
