Page 107 of Knot What She Seems
Concrete walls.
A scratchy blanket.
Heat engulfs me, and my hearing shuts down as I grow dizzy. My heartbeat warps until it’s the speed of light, and everything in my vision blurs slightly, colors washing out until the world is only shades of pale purple. I can’t breathe, but I’m desperate to, trapped inside this body that’s now turned against me. That’s killing me.
Dark thoughts whirl around me so quickly that they’re all an incomplete, incoherent mess of misery. But I don’t need them to be complete to know I’m about to die.
A scream scratches roughly at my throat as I wrap my hands around my waist so that I don’t fly apart in a million pieces the way my thoughts already have.
“We have to go,” Luka mutters, and then his arms are around me, lifting me, holding me close—carrying me into the elevator.
Their scents linger in here, which only makes it worse.
It sends me spinning.
I can’t get a breath and I can’t force my lungs to move. My limbs are limp. Inside, I’m shouting, writhing, and desperate—but externally, I’m lifeless.
Luka jabs at a button and, once we start to descend, readjusts me until my nose is positioned in the crook of his neck. “Shhh. Just breathe me in.” Able to hold me with just one arm, his other strokes soothingly down my spine. As I breathe, the spice of his scent slowly erases the pollution of theirs, particularly after we exit the elevator and he carries me outside. There, the fresh breeze whips across my face, prickling up my skin and chilling my bones—but the slap of cold finally allows me to regain control.
I clutch at Luka, my fingers digging into his hair, my legs wrapping precariously around his hips, uncaring that we’re in public or that I’m making a scene. The only thing I’m aware of is this golden warmth emanating from him that I desperately need. I keep my nose buried after he stops moving as tears leak down my cheeks and soak his suit jacket until the howling squall inside of me quiets.
When I pull back, I can see mascara stains on Luka’s suit jacket, and I feel a tinge of regret. But that’s nothing to how utterly wrung out my limbs are. I don’t think I could stand.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “That seems to be the theme of the night.” My attempt at levity is ruined by the raspy catch in my voice and by the concerned look Luka gives me as he reaches up to swipe at my cheeks with his thumb.
“Don’t be sorry. Just tell me what I can do.” His hand cups my face the way I imagined earlier, and I can’t help but regret the way that fantasy and my reality differ.
The fantasy is an alpha group will adore me forever.
I’ve already seen the truth.
In fact, the truth stared me in the face tonight—a good, harsh reminder of how this will all ultimately end.
Sliding down Luka’s body and stepping away from him, I avert my gaze. “Take me home, please.”
“But—”
I turn and start to walk away, fighting my clutch so that I can get to my phone.
His footsteps quickly catch up to me, and he reaches for me but doesn’t touch. “Okay, Brylee. Okay. I’ll take you home.”
The ride back is tense and miserable, and I spend the entire time staring up at the sky in order to avoid his gaze.
Once I get back to Darling and lock myself in my dorm room, I do the same. Stare out the window at the cold, cruel moon and wonder if anyone else has ever realized it looks like a frozen teardrop.
38
BRYLEE
The next fewdays pass in a blur of feelings, emotions, and memories I don’t want to linger on.
When I sleep, for the first time in what feels like years, I dream ofthem. Of their soft touches, whispered promises, and inevitable betrayal. I don’t know why Dream Brylee is always so surprised when they stab her in the back. Maybe she naïvely hopes that this time, the dream will play out differently.
It never does.
I trudge to my ten a.m. Offensive Training class Thursday morning, my limbs feeling like blocks of cement.
Class passes without any incident. I purposely avoid any and all contact with Alpha Team X—including Colter, whose piercing gaze I can feel on me from even across the room. I can tell he has something to say to me, but the last thing I want to do is discuss my date with Luka.
